The Journey Continues
Last Sunday morning, the dream was of a long distance hike on the 100 km road from Port Alberni to my home in Ucluelet. But shortly after I started my journey, which would involve an overnight stay by the road, I understood that I needed to visit my father before continuing. Just to the right of the base of a major mountain climb, his home was up a long and poorly kept logging road, and I wondered why he hadn't bothered to come and pick me up. He seemed to be running a drop-in centre for troubled youths, but rather unsuccessfully, and was chatting idly and self-centeredly about his plans. I felt that he had really wasted my time and energy, for I knew that the trip was a finely calculated journey to the edge of my strength, endurance and timing. Then a woman who was a leader in the local church asked me to do a lot of paper busywork, further delaying my start. At last I started back down his road to begin the journey in earnest. The dream ended.
Well there is a lot of physical reality in this dream. Last year I was in training to do this walk, one that has been accomplished by very people walking - perhaps no one without a vehicle escort - although some have travelled by bicycle. There is literally nothing but trees, lakes, rivers and mountains between Port Alberni - which is actually up a very long and sheltered inlet - and the actual open Pacific coast at Ucluelet. My intention was to walk in the other direction, from here to Port Alberni, to travel east, which is the typical destination of my metaphysical journey. But in the last training walk prior to the trip I badly blistered my feet and then the Fall rains came before I recovered. This year just did not seem right for retrying this vision quest, instead there has been the Tarot Holiday and the upcoming retreat. Perhaps next year...
In any event, the interlude with my father was actually fairly typical, but I felt that he represented more than just my actual father. Together with the woman of the church, he represented stagnating convention, that which saps your creative and assertive energy, holding you within the linear box of social conformity. As you can well imagine, I was very reluctant to go to church that morning, but I did go.
But on the following morning I had a complimentary dream. With a male accomplice I hijacked a train. There was no physical violence involved, we simply persuaded the conductor that we were taking over. The train was running north within Mexico, but instead of stopping at the border we were going to have it continue right through to New York. Two mexican women on the train, an older and a younger, figured out what we were doing. But they were strangely in support of our efforts and calmed the passengers so that they did not worry. For some reason, without the direction of the conductor, the train engineer seemed to have no choice but to continue without stopping. A man from First Class, the only person in that carriage, was also strongly in support of our coup, and said that he would delay the police when we arrived so that we could get away safely. The dream ended.
In this dream the opposite effect occurs. Instead of being limited by convention, we are able to channel the energy of the libido into a breakaway. I believe that the association with New York was a symbol of Purple Goddess's recent journey there for the transformation of a Landmark weekend. But in this journey the various members of the psyche, the two Beloveds in second class, the High Self in first class, the active masculine duality of Sun self and Aragorn(? or Inu?) conspire to ignore the egoic consciousness of conductor and engineer so that the soul proceeds inexorably towards enlightenment.
Finally, in a dream on Wednesday I had become a mystical healer. As healers often are, I was severely persecuted. Yet within the dream, the real blessing of the dream which made it numinous and unforgetable, I was dwelling within the eternal consciousness. I was perfectly at peace, yet completely active and present - this was not just theoretical but real. Although I seemed to be on trial before a kangaroo court I had that quiet and grounded charisma and authority which Gandhi had when he appeared before the British courts in the Gandhi movie. The dream ended without resolution.
The moment I woke up, I heard the ego voice saying, "I don't want to be a healer, the cost is too high." What will be will be. Within the last year I have on four occasions dwelt in what I called Eirian consciousness, the first within a dream in which I was Eirian, the second in a meditation on the Tarot Moon. In these cases the consciousness partially broke free of the egoic, extending within space in perfect interconnectedness. Earlier this year there were two separate periods of several hours during normal daily activity in which I was within what I then called extended Eirian consciousness, not only independent of place but of time - standing apart from yet at once within all time, seeing both time and space as convenient illusions within a greater reality.
Noting that my current motto is "He's making it up as he goes along" - a convenient reminder of humility from Monty Python's The Life of Brian - I now see that what I called extended Eirian consciousness, the domain of the Creative Beloved or Empress, has been called by Cynthia Bourgeault "unitive consciousness" and by mystics throughout the ages, enlightenment.
When my train will arrive is anyone's guess. My one and most important role is not to desire it, for egoic desire is the quickest and surest way to derail its progress. There is in fact some risk in stating these dreams, but I believe that this too is a necessary part of the process - to face egoic temptation head-on and yet continue...
Truth is Eternal - David