[prudence]

Originally Posted by G6

You're being accusatory and presumptive as it was not intended to insult, but question the practice and the thought process behind it.

Implying a reader is nosy and or looking to date on a tarot website is insulting to many of us here. There are loads of valid reasons for wanting to know genders. I find it confusing and annoying when questions are posed, such as "how will they respond to my email/text" when asking about a single individual, rather than a group/couple of people. Even simply using s/he would at least remove the confusion while keeping the gender unknown.

[G6]

Originally Posted by prudence

I don't think wanting to know genders has anything to do with nosiness, it helps a reader to not have to fumble around for appropriate words and we do sometimes see cards that are representative of a person according to their gender. What's the motivation behind hiding one's gender? Or the gender of someone you are asking a reader about? Maybe someone who is feeling secretive about their gender should inform the reader about this need before the reading starts, so that the reader understands this may be a sensitive subject and to act and speak accordingly (ie carefully).

I do not need to know gender to read. If you are asking for it because you want to know how to appropriately address the person then say so. Please tell me your gender because I would like to know how you like to be addressed. Simple. Done.

The larger point that is not being addressed here is that in absence of explaining your reasoning for asking someones gender/age nobody knows why and it is left to interpretation. I still don't think everyone that asks these questions has a legit reason. What is the compelling reason to ask someones age? So, in combination with gender, you know to address them as Miss, Ms., Mrs., etc?

[G6]

Originally Posted by prudence

Implying a reader is nosy and or looking to date on a tarot website is insulting to many of us here. There are loads of valid reasons for wanting to know genders. I find it confusing and annoying when questions are posed, such as "how will they respond to my email/text" when asking about a single individual, rather than a group/couple of people. Even simply using s/he would at least remove the confusion while keeping the gender unknown.

It was meant to be humorous in making a point. I've already said that.

[Le Fanu]

I'm trying to imagine a reading in a genderless vacuum.

I think if someone did that to me as a querent - as if through a confessional with a voice distorter - I'd find the reading utterly useless.

if you as a reader say gender has nothing to do with the interpretation of a reading, I honestly cannot imagine the reading being useful to me. Maybe I overplay the issue of my gender in my life (?) and the gender of those I seek relationships with but to have some sort of neutered interpretation of things. Why would I want that?

[prudence]

Originally Posted by G6

I do not need to know gender to read. If you are asking for it because you want to know how to appropriately address the person then say so. Please tell me your gender because I would like to know how you like to be addressed. Simple. Done.

The larger point that is not being addressed here is that in absence of explaining your reasoning for asking someones gender/age nobody knows why and it is left to interpretation. I still don't think everyone that asks these questions has a legit reason. What is the compelling reason to ask someones age? So, in combination with gender, you know to address them as Miss, Ms., Mrs., etc?

Who is saying that an explanation for wanting to know age or gender is never given? I'm not talking about needing to know the sitter's gender, I'm talking about a sitter who is unwilling to give basic information about the subject of their query, like asking about a person in their workplace, it sometimes helps in the reading to know who may be represented by a particular card. That said, if someone is so sensitive about their gender being identified or known by another person, perhaps getting readings from strangers isn't a good idea. Some of the stuff that can be "seen" in the cards is a hell of a lot more personal than your gender. If someone is particularly uncomfortable with allowing someone else to know their gender, I think it is their responsibility to state that up front, rather than assuming any reader should be aware of this sensitivity. Don't ask for a reading from a reader who asks for your age or gender, seems simple enough to me.

[G6]

Originally Posted by Le Fanu

I'm trying to imagine a reading in a genderless vacuum.

I think if someone did that to me as a querent - as if through a confessional with a voice distorter - I'd find the reading utterly useless.

if you as a reader say gender has nothing to do with the interpretation of a reading, I honestly cannot imagine the reading being useful to me. Maybe I overplay the issue of my gender in my life (?) and the gender of those I seek relationships with but to have some sort of neutered interpretation of things. Why would I want that?

Hello, LF. I'm speaking in the context of the anonymous readings we do on this website, which are in a genderless/ageless vacuum for the most part. :-) I respect that this is an anonymous username website and I am thankful it is because in my opinion people give information/opinions more freely. I don't require people give me their gender/age for a reading and in absence of this information some people do find my readings useful (at times)! ;-)

[khatsar]

I have definitely had readers give me less-than-helpful readings based on their heteronormative and cis-normative assumptions about how men and women work. So I can see why some people would choose not to disclose, especially if they're genderqueer, gender fluid or otherwise not fitting nearly into the binary or if they don't feel it's necessary to share that. It's a good thing that people can choose who they decide to get readings from!

I'm starting to veer away from asking about gender, I think. But I can see that some readers want that information.

[G6]

Originally Posted by prudence

Who is saying that an explanation for wanting to know age or gender is never given? I'm not talking about needing to know the sitter's gender, I'm talking about a sitter who is unwilling to give basic information about the subject of their query, like asking about a person in their workplace, it sometimes helps in the reading to know who may be represented by a particular card. That said, if someone is so sensitive about their gender being identified or known by another person, perhaps getting readings from strangers isn't a good idea. Some of the stuff that can be "seen" in the cards is a hell of a lot more personal than your gender. If someone is particularly uncomfortable with allowing someone else to know their gender, I think it is their responsibility to state that up front, rather than assuming any reader should be aware of this sensitivity. Don't ask for a reading from a reader who asks for your age or gender, seems simple enough to me.

Yes, of course, everyone is free to opt out of any readings with requirements and most readers on this site lay out all kinds of requirements. This thread is called Pet Peeves where people air their Pet Peeves and one of mine is when readers mandate gender/age for a reading. In absence of a compelling reason why a reader needs this info I still think some readers that ask don't have legit reasons and it simply plays into the readers biases about gender/age.

To your point about knowing what someone does for a living. Can't you read it without knowing that info in advance? If I go to a reading and a reader asks me to tell them all this info about myself upfront the question I have is WHY can't they just read the cards?

[prudence]

Originally Posted by G6

It was meant to be humorous in making a point. I've already said that.

While making your point you did manage to insult some of us, some of us may be sensitive to our gender information being known, and some of us may be sensitive to humorous "unintentional" insults being used to make a point. Is your point that gender never matters in a reading situation or that you are personally bothered by any reader asking your gender up front before a reading takes place?

[G6]

Originally Posted by khatsar

I have definitely had readers give me less-than-helpful readings based on their heteronormative and cis-normative assumptions about how men and women work. So I can see why some people would choose not to disclose, especially if they're genderqueer, gender fluid or otherwise not fitting nearly into the binary or if they don't feel it's necessary to share that. It's a good thing that people can choose who they decide to get readings from!

I'm starting to veer away from asking about gender, I think. But I can see that some readers want that information.

This goes back to AE's original comment that you can talk about energies you are reading that don't have to be tied to knowing Person A is Female and Person B is Male. In general, given that most people are extremely complex beings that don't fit into even the cards version of gender identity, expression and orientation, I go by what I pick up at the time of the reading about those dynamics if they are present in the reading. If the sitter wants to state all of that personal information because they think they will get a better reading or don't want to be misunderstood then tell me, but I'm not going to require anyone to tell me all of that for me to read the cards. Thats just me.