[G6]

Originally Posted by prudence

While making your point you did manage to insult some of us, some of us may be sensitive to our gender information being known, and some of us may be sensitive to humorous "unintentional" insults being used to make a point. Is your point that gender never matters in a reading situation or that you are personally bothered by any reader asking your gender up front before a reading takes place?

This is a Pet Peeves thread, which is essentially a vent thread, so I would suggest if readers don't want to read about what annoys some of us or might be offended don't come here again. Personally I find the information in this thread to be informative and useful even if it does poke at some things I may or may not be guilty of ;-) Yes, it is a Pet Peeve of mine that people mandate gender/age for readings because I am sensitive that this is an anonymous username website and as such some people don't want to disclose anything beyond their username. Also, I don't think this information is necessary to read the cards effectively. Lastly, I think this information feeds into a readers biases and may not even be as useful to them as they think.

[Creole]

Originally Posted by plant witch

a pet peeve of mine is people who keep asking the same question, getting clear answers, but never actually doing anything about it, except ask the question again and again and again. then they are surprised/frustrated that nothing has changed or that things have gotten worse!

you wanted advice, you got it, please do something with it

Yes, exactly. Numerous times, with a couple of regulars, making the same "Will I have romance/marriage" request. I put off the next reading for several weeks. My thinking, maybe these ladies will have changed things up (based on the last reading) to bring about a different outcome or they'll have a new question.

[Padma]

Originally Posted by Awakened Queen

Any time a querent says "Oh, I think this card means this (not what you said.)" Go read your own cards and leave me out of it then

OMG. YES!!!! This It drives me nerts when I give my time and effort crafting the reply based on what I see and feel, and then the sitter says, "oh no, that is not how I see/interpret that card, you are reading that card wrong!" Ok. So do your own readings, then!!! RAWR!

[Kgirl]

Originally Posted by G6

You're being accusatory and presumptive as it was not intended to insult, but question the practice and the thought process behind it.

Ahh no it would seem I'm pretty spot on ...

Originally Posted by G6

This is a Pet Peeves thread, which is essentially a vent thread, so I would suggest if readers don't want to read about what annoys some of us or might be offended don't come here again.

This shows you know full well how your words were intended and would come across so who are we kidding here? You are angry about this point and you came out swinging as we all have here ... don't pretend otherwise.

I think there is a good point to be made in terms of gender swaying readings especially when readers are stuck on basic interpretations of the suits such as cups are always seen as romantically inclined and pentacles are work / money inclined. I have on occasion asked about male colleagues where I have asked for purely professional insights into a situation and if cups come up it is immediately seen as a romantic interest or along those lines. Now it could very well be the case that there is a romantic dynamic here but I am left wondering if the disclosure of a colleague's gender has swayed the take on the cards, so I get where you and others are coming from, for sure.

But to give a general assessment that readers asking about gender are wanting to treat this as a dating site or creepy deserved the strong response it got from prudence, myself and others. It's just simply not the case for everybody, certainly not for me. Honestly, I doubt it's the case for 90% of readers.

As for anonymity, people give away their gender (and their desires, and their fears and their professional life) far more in their posts that I doubt a username is full proof way of hiding gender.

[G6]

Originally Posted by Kgirl

Ahh no it would seem I'm pretty spot on ...



This shows you know full well how your words were intended and would come across so who are we kidding here? You are angry about this point and you came out swinging as we all have here ... don't pretend otherwise.

I meant what I said and I'm not pretending otherwise nor do I care if you or anyone else is offended by what I said. You have also misread anger. There was no anger in my comment that this is not a dating site. When people need to know gender and age the first thing I think of is information that is shared on a dating site. It was not an angry comment or meant to be offensive to you. I thought it was clever and funny. If you thought it was angry and offensive that's your problem not mine. You seem to be one of these closed minded readers that thinks they have everyone figured out and can't wrap their minds around the idea that someone may have a different view on the way they go about things, which is why you are so "offended" by my comment. Am I spot on here?

[G6]

Originally Posted by Kgirl

But to give a general assessment that readers asking about gender are wanting to treat this as a dating site or creepy deserved the strong response it got from prudence, myself and others. It's just simply not the case for everybody, certainly not for me. Honestly, I doubt it's the case for 90% of readers.

The comment didn't require a rebuttal. It's my pet peeve and I'm entitled to it hence the name of the thread. If you want to air a pet peeve maybe you should talk about your pet peeve of people questioning readers that require personal information upfront in advance of the reading to help them get a better handle on the cards in front of them.

[prudence]

Originally Posted by G6

This is a Pet Peeves thread, which is essentially a vent thread, so I would suggest if readers don't want to read about what annoys some of us or might be offended don't come here again.

That's just silly, it would be like me saying if you're offended by others stating they are offended by remarks you've made about large numbers of members on this site, to make your point, then don't look at this thread after you've made your unintentionally insulting point.

A major pet peeve of mine, people who omit certain very relevant details when they ask for a reading. The guy you're asking about, it really will help me to give you a better reading if you let me know that he is married with children. Hiding that relevant fact is not going to help you at all.

Also, I never made point about knowing or needing to know what someone does for a living, I'm not sure what you are referring to in that comment.

[SwordOfTruth]

Originally Posted by danieljuk

I've had so many readings where the person has said "oh you are soon to meet a lovely woman, to date" it was a shock to me and everyone! It's really awkward when that happens because the reader didn't mean to cause offence but they didn't know I was searching for a guy.

You might not need to know the gender of the sitter or their dob (but that can be useful if you use astrology with tarot) but it is worth asking what they are looking for, if it is a love / romantic question!

If a reader wants to tell me about themselves and give the gender or pronoun they use or any info they want to share that is fine by me! I notice my trans and non binary friends tend to give me a lot of gender info, what they want to be seen as in the reading and what they are searching for. I think they want to specify it all because others have got readings wrong a lot for them

It's worth knowing those basic things not for dating but avoiding embarrassment on both sides later on. Believe me it's awkward! "actually I'm looking for a guy"

Yes this. I work in an industry where alternative sexual orientations are common and for some people its not obvious which way questions should be phrased. Makes for awkward moments until they volunteer the information themselves. Also if I know a female querent is looking for another woman and a lot of masculine cards turn up I can interpret that properly for the context, well okay this woman you are searchingn for is very direct, take charge etc etc rather than go off on a tangent of him this and that and then have the querent feel the reqding was off merely because I didnt understand the context.

I'd like to think I can instantly understand the sexual orientation of everyone over the internet but alas, I'm not that psychic, to date I've ever asked for this infomation but I do appreciate knowing the context in which I am interpreting cards.

The other aspect is that 90% of the worlds population are hetero normative, if you're in the minority who aren't then why try and hide the fact from someone who are asking for advice from? Whats to be gained from that? If they are prejudiced against your sexual orientation then they aren't the right reader for you.

[Barleywine]

Not to make light of anyone's position here, but the rising acrimony in this debate reminds me of Graham Chapman's irritable tirade in the Monty Python sketch "Right-Thinking People":

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired.
I'm certainly not! And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am."

[junethird]

I totally agree that context is important. For me personally, ive gotten the best most accurate readings when i answered the questions the reader needed from me. But then again, those were readings done in person and it was obvious i was a female and i was asking about a man... But online, i do feel its important to atleast clear up who is who in the situation thats being asked about. Because ive had readers assume i was a male and thats awkward, and ive done the same, assumed my sitter was female when in fact 'she' was a 'he' -ooops!!!!

But if you are able to tap in into who x and y are then more power to you thats awesome. I wish i was that fluid with my spidey senses lol