Advice on what's the right thing to do.

As some (most!) of you will know, I have issue with my neighbour.
To describe her in a nut shell, she's a heavy drug (cocaine) and alcohol user. She's extremely aggressive and violent and of course, foul mouthed. She's a bully.

I've seen her and heard her bully and threaten her way through life quite successfully I should say for the past 3 years (since I moved next door).

Now it's my turn. Except I stood up to her. I should mention that she has a child that she abuses. It's been reported several times but nothing was actually done. I couldn't come out of the wood works to say that it was me behind it and what I was hearing/witnessing either. I have my own daughter to think about and protect.

So yes, I stood up to her. And of course she's not one to back down so in the end, and to shut her up, I told her I had a recording of her abusing her kid and him pleading for her to stop. The recording is a lie. The abuse is real.

She's thick enough to not even question how I could have recorded it through the thick walls.
But....it did get to her and she's scared. Not of losing her son but to get caught. I know this for sure too.

Yesterday, she tried to scare me/attack me again. Believe it or not she thinks that cursing at me and insulting me (racial and all!) and telling me she's getting solicitors involved for "illegal recording" will scare me.

I just replied...Go Ahead...then they can have a listen to it themselves and call the police!

Okay, this is turning into a long read so I'll get to the point:

I'm going down the magic route. Thing is, even if I was to move it wouldn't be over!

I just don't know what to do for the best.

Could you suggest anything please? I'm concerned I could do the wrong thing to end this situation. My thoughts aren't pretty!

Thank you x

PS...I've done 3 years of really wishing her the best (but not doing anything else!), staying out of her way etc...Some people you just can't kill with kindness, I've tried!

Hi DD

I don't know the laws in the UK, but I'm pretty sure drug use and physical abuse and neglect of a child are a big no no out there.

I am not an attorney nor do I know the law out there but I can offer generic advice.

Like any recurring behavior, a good way to help yourself is by documenting every time you hear or see the incidents of abuse, drug use, etc. keep it written in a journal. I would say she's trying to scare you about going to the solicitor. She knows they'd see she's not all there and probably run her record. If she's an addict, her record would come up indicating a drug abuse history. If she wants to keep her child and avoid criminal liability, she won't get near a solicitor.

Also, if I were you, I would not mention or answer any questions about recording her, especially if you were bluffing. Don't make it any bigger than it needs to be or she won't let go ever.

Hope that helps. So sorry you're subjected to that.

DON'T lie to her about recording. If anything is ever done officially you will weaken any evidence you have collected if there's a lie right in there. But as MissNine says - document everything you hear.

How old is the child ? Is it in school yet ? that could make things a little easier to manage... How do you KNOW she is on coke ? I know all about circumstantial evidence and the rest - but have you SEEN her inject/sniff ? You have to have hard evidence to get anywhere.

If you can document racial abuse of YOU - that is something the cops would need to follow up, unrelated to the child neglect.

I wouldn't mess with magic here, I really wouldn't - except possibly protection for the child. Who have you contacted ? Try the NSPCC... Yes, she would probably guess it was you; yes it might well rebound on you - but so could anything at all you might try. So also make sure the cops know you reported her - then anything she does to you will be seen as retaliatory.

Why wouldn't it end if you moved ? The time I was in that situation, no-one dared report, so when we were moving ANYWAY, I did it the day we were loading the truck. Child protection showed up right afterwards, the abusive dad couldn't reach us (though he begged everyone for our new address so he could "get us" ) and the family got the help they needed.

The child is 10 y/o is missing a lot of school because she can't get out of bed in the morning.
I have reported it to the school and they've done nothing!

The coke she told me herself and I saw the bags once being given to her.
I know who the dealer is and also she deals herself.

The racial abuse was actually witnessed but no one wants to get involved. The issue with that one is that they actually agree with her. They think I've no business being in their country (Brexit voice!).

I've contacted social services on a number of occasions! They turn up, see "no hard evidence" and let it go.
The police is notified of her behaviour and "taking notes". She is very well known to them already. I guess they're just working on a file.
Housing association has been notified also. They know her very well too!

If I moved, it would have be somewhere familiar for my daughter. She's autistic. She needs familiarity and she needs to stay in the same school.
No one doesn't know my neighbour. They're not her friends but people tend to "be nice" or "side" with bullies out of fear.
I still need to be able to live where I live..if you know what I mean!

The lie, I can't take back. If I did I would go back to her feeling like she can do what she wants.
As it stands, she's partying less at home and she's stopped screaming at her kid too! She's furious at me yes, but it's more civilised in some way!

I'm off the police station this PM to talk about what's happening and I will tell them about the lie and why.

Honestly though, if I hadn't said it to her, things would be A LOT worse for me and my daughter! The noise would be hell! At least now I've got her feeling trapped. Like a dangerous caged animal yes, fuming yes but not free to make my life the usual hell!

I'm wondering if a spell to just keep her away from me and my daughter (and her son!) would do just fine?
His dad's in prison (crack and heroine addict). As it stands he hasn't got much of a bright future ahead of him if he stays with her.

I hadn't realised your daughter was autistic. That is a hurdle. But I'd just work on keeping her away from you both then.

I meant not to repeat the lie. If it comes up again you can always say you deleted it now. But keep documenting. Sorry about the Brexit language - that SO sucks; I am ashamed of the British side of me.

I'm sorry you are having such an awful time DDwarks
There is a close in my street with the most lovely maisonettes on to a local park and there is a family with two abusive parents who argued all last night, shouting and with young children there. Someone in the street here has called the police in and they were taking statements from several houses around this morning. I know the family who lived under them moved out recently because of the abuse but just amazed it takes so long to do anything!

As well as audio recording, I would buy cameras (you can buy cheap cameras which record on memory sticks or usb to the computer) and put them on your front door or any place where you might get into a confrontation with her. You can put cameras and recording devices on your property but you have to ask permission or have a statement saying "cctv in operation" if you cover a public place or over her place. If something awful happens you can record it with a mobile phone (audio or video) and it could be used as evidence but probably not if you set up a camera pointing at her house. But all modern phones have an audio record function, it's worth having near you if you have any sort of confrontation!

You are allowed to record the audio abuse next door from your home as evidence!

I would log everything like a diary, that is really important! heard abuse on this day at this time! keep it detailed and specific.

About the spirituality element, I would be wary of magic as well but people have greater knowledge about that here than me. If you believe in spirit guides / angels / have faith, you could ask for guidance or protection. I would recommend going down the direction of crystals and gem stones. Some are protective of your home and nasty energy but I would post in that thread area because some people on AT are really knowledgeable about what would work best. For me it's about protection rather than using magic if that makes sense.

thinking of you and your daughter DDwarks

gregory said:

I hadn't realised your daughter was autistic. That is a hurdle. But I'd just work on keeping her away from you both then.

I meant not to repeat the lie. If it comes up again you can always say you deleted it now. But keep documenting. Sorry about the Brexit language - that SO sucks; I am ashamed of the British side of me.

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Don't apologise about it Gregory! There's really no need. And yes, autism is the hurdle.
She gets a son to use his water gun on my daughter when she's in the garden to try and confine us to our home. Of course my daughter doesn't understand what's going on and runs back in, up the stairs and stays in her room for the rest of the day.
*sigh*
I'll work on keeping her away. Some people are just too far gone for anything else.
Thank you x

danieljuk said:

I'm sorry you are having such an awful time DDwarks
There is a close in my street with the most lovely maisonettes on to a local park and there is a family with two abusive parents who argued all last night, shouting and with young children there. Someone in the street here has called the police in and they were taking statements from several houses around this morning. I know the family who lived under them moved out recently because of the abuse but just amazed it takes so long to do anything!

As well as audio recording, I would buy cameras (you can buy cheap cameras which record on memory sticks or usb to the computer) and put them on your front door or any place where you might get into a confrontation with her. You can put cameras and recording devices on your property but you have to ask permission or have a statement saying "cctv in operation" if you cover a public place or over her place. If something awful happens you can record it with a mobile phone (audio or video) and it could be used as evidence but probably not if you set up a camera pointing at her house. But all modern phones have an audio record function, it's worth having near you if you have any sort of confrontation!

You are allowed to record the audio abuse next door from your home as evidence!

I would log everything like a diary, that is really important! heard abuse on this day at this time! keep it detailed and specific.

About the spirituality element, I would be wary of magic as well but people have greater knowledge about that here than me. If you believe in spirit guides / angels / have faith, you could ask for guidance or protection. I would recommend going down the direction of crystals and gem stones. Some are protective of your home and nasty energy but I would post in that thread area because some people on AT are really knowledgeable about what would work best. For me it's about protection rather than using magic if that makes sense.

thinking of you and your daughter DDwarks

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I'm working on recording the abuse. Every little detail, even the stuff shouted out on the streets to the neighbour across the streets which obviously is to get to me.
The magical element I ask about because I'm not trusting myself right now! Emotions are running high and I'd rather get a dose of reality from someone on here before I go and do something I'll later regret.
I got my crystals out again earlier after reading your post!
Can't believe I didn't think about them! See what I mean though? I'm only thinking about bringing out the big guns lol
Thank you x

MissNine said:

Hi DD

I don't know the laws in the UK, but I'm pretty sure drug use and physical abuse and neglect of a child are a big no no out there.

I am not an attorney nor do I know the law out there but I can offer generic advice.

Like any recurring behavior, a good way to help yourself is by documenting every time you hear or see the incidents of abuse, drug use, etc. keep it written in a journal. I would say she's trying to scare you about going to the solicitor. She knows they'd see she's not all there and probably run her record. If she's an addict, her record would come up indicating a drug abuse history. If she wants to keep her child and avoid criminal liability, she won't get near a solicitor.

Also, if I were you, I would not mention or answer any questions about recording her, especially if you were bluffing. Don't make it any bigger than it needs to be or she won't let go ever.

Hope that helps. So sorry you're subjected to that.

Click to expand...

There's some bureaucracy and red tape issues over here!
Things take time it seems.
I totally agree with you about the solicitors thing. It's BS to try and scare me. It' not working at all though and hopefully after me being so calm after our latest confrontation she knows that too....It's difficult dealing with someone with no brain though...she's always gonna be more experienced than me lol!

It's a harsh situation, I feel sorry for you...
Honestly and because she uses hard drugs and alcohol I don't see how things could evolve positively..., it would be like to try to reason with an insane person.
Or there will be a drama (including overdose for example) and the cops will have to intervene, or things will continue with more or less inconvenience and verbal violence for you and your daughter.

Because she doesn't plan to move out (probably) and that to move out on your side isn't acceptable, the only way is probably to hope for some apaisement...
Are the cards encouraging with regard to the future with her?