Well, of course it was. This kind of vampire works like a drug pusher. Get you hooked on stuff that makes you feel good till you are totally under their control adn are - basically - addicted.
As much as I want to deny it, you're right.
My whole perception of reality is absolutely tarnished at the moment. She used to be my best friend. I used to find so much console in her during my medication issues years ago. When you admire and love someone for so many years, just for them to turn around and stab you in the back distorts reality. I've become paranoid just waiting for a message from her, or her friends, or something.
Been there, done that - also with someone on line - luckily I never met them before I realised what was going on. I still miss them rather - but not enough to respond when they (still) try to make contact.
It's still ongoing?
"Ex" addicts (for I am told there is no such thing !) - always wonder if one last fix would be OK; and miss the highs they got.
It's probably aroused by the emotional manipulation that lead to codependency. "Ex" addicts sounds to be much like those who return to abusive relationships.
I don't actually believe in the twin flames thing anyway - but even if I did, I think I would have to accept also that many of them would be false twin flames.
I'm still shocked at each other's timelines. I remember, when I was very young, I would return from my neighbours house at night after we played on the NES. The moment the door opened to my house I would just randomly start crying. Reflecting on this puts it right around the time when her parents split apart.
I don't want to think of this woman anymore. I'm tired and disgusted. She was such a huge part of my life it's hard not to see anything that reminds me of her.
I hope you're not holding your breath!! She never will.
As gregory mentioned, "'Ex' addicts". After coming here, and talking with my counselor, that thought that "maybe, just "maybe" is slowly coming to an end.
I doubt she would either. She never was one to every take responsibility for ANYTHING she did. If she did, it was on "her" terms and she would "self-punish".
I don't want an apology from her. I just want her gone. The fact that she went after my friends right after the breakup clearly dictates her character. It's virulent; and it clearly was on purpose in attempts to sabotage my character as that control freak "lost".
My psychologist informed me that the beating wouldn't have been the last. It wouldn't have been a one time thing. She would have eventually done it again in time.
When I went into detail about what she did to me to my counselor, she believed me. To hear that, from a professional...I never told my psychologist. I still need to a book a new appointment. I hope he would say something that would just end this thought of her.
To think of her as a role model for my children (if we had any)...You just can't go back to her. I don't want my kids to grow up and think her behavior is acceptable. She made claims about how I couldn't "protect her" because of my OCD (when in reality, I did, I did so when she was being harassed at work). How do I know she would have not beaten our kids? What if her step-sister had another panic attack and they were alone? Would she beat her too?
And yet I'm the monster...
No worries. We all help when and where we can.
You are in control of your life. Use your mind to manifest the life that you desire.
Good luck sweetie
In love and light [emoji813]
Thank you. All of this helps. I think I can finally put this to a rest. The rest just requires time.
This was the right place to vent. And I thank you guys for not being hostile.
..and yet I also wish I didn't disclose anything. I wish I responded to her leaving better. I should have kept my cool and went to my professionals before I did anything. Many years of therapy (while with C) and they noticed me constantly depressed and never quite speaking of her with the uplifting spirit I used to. I do feel bad for her. She had a lot of wrong done to her.
None of this is fair. (but something tells me she doesn't even care)
- turned out to have studied in m,y university, under the same guy as I did at the same time as I did and there were ALL SORTS of correspondences. Who knows where that might have taken me had I been young and vulnerable and had he wanted to show me how we were clearly destined etc etc etc. And how do I know it was true anyway ?