Weird dream - arranged marriage to a stranger


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Saskia  Saskia is offline
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Weird dream - arranged marriage to a stranger


Hi all, I had a weird dream I can't comprehend. It seemed to go on and on - I woke up in the middle and fell back asleep - and the same dream continued.

The dream

I had agreed to marry a young man whose family my parents know and are friends with (imaginary people my parents don't know in real life). I hadn't met the family or the man and I was treating this as some sort of business deal, favour or help to my family and the man's family.

The whole dream was about me trying to get ready at my parents' house to this wedding that was supposed to take place in 15 minutes in a nearby chapel and I had nothing ready: I thought I'd just wear a nice dress but I couldn't find a suitable one from my closet, even though I had a number of nice festive dresses. I couldn't find my make up pouch. I didn't have time to do my hair, so I just plaited it wet straight out of shower. The lights went off so I was groping to find underwear etc from my closet in the dark. The whole dream was about me trying to go through these motions but everything was hindered somehow.

I vaguely remembered I'm married already and I thought how can I marry someone else? The family of the groom started calling to my parents, asking where we are, because we were running late. I started having doubts of the whole idea and asked more about the man from my mum. She said he's shy and hopeless. I felt wronged. In real life and in the dream, my parents have a lot of friends from their church and many of those friends are in need of some sort of help (financial, practical, help with addiction).

I woke up before anything further happened. In the middle, I also woke up and thought it's about my PhD studies, (I'm 'groping in the dark', trying to find sources and meaningful things to say), but when I fell back asleep, the same dream continued and I think it's because I didn't get the message.

In reality, in the past I have participated in helping those church friends in some minor ways, but I'm always telling my parents not to be exploited by excessive requests. Also, I divorced my first husband because he was lazy, selfish and socially awkward and didn't try to do anything about it in our 8 years together - my mum then told I should have stayed with him 'to help him.' But that happened 5 years ago. Nothing has happened recently that could have prompted this dream, so I'm looking for more symbolic interpretations.

Thanks for your help
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Curious, weré you in your actual (real life house) or were you some place else only thinking it was your house? Also, the clothes you were wearing/trying to put on... do they belong to our century?
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Alitalia  Alitalia is offline
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It's not a good dream.. luckily you never met him or saw your wedding in altar. Because usually dream about wedding are related to ".....". I feel bad to type it on. Luckily you never made it.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluelagune View Post
Curious, weré you in your actual (real life house) or were you some place else only thinking it was your house? Also, the clothes you were wearing/trying to put on... do they belong to our century?
An interesting point bluelagune!

The house was supposed to be my childhood home but it wasn't. It was modern, though, there was a shower etc.

The dresses were ballgown-style but shorter, 1940-50s maybe? One that I tried on had a peculiar wooden structure on the outside, like corset bones but made of wood, and also surrounded by neck as a collar. I thought it felt very cage-like and I didn't pick that. One was the actual dress I wore for my first wedding (not a wedding gown but a knee-high white dress) but I didn't pick it because I thought it would be disrespectful for the groom's family to not make the effort to differentiate between my first failed marriage and this one. I think I chose a natural white ball gown that I just happened to own in the dream.

I've been thinking the dream along the lines 'marriage-social contract' and dressing up / appearances. I've recently started in a new job and it's not what I thought - it's very structured, hierarchical and there's a lot of emphasis on appearances (both personal and company). I haven't worked in a place like that before and I've been struggling mentally to fit in. I've had to 'reign myself in' quite a bit, perhaps I'm wearing a corset dress every day, symbolically!

Also, in the dream, I kept thinking I have to make the effort to fit into the picture of a bride, even as I thought I won't have time for a hairdo or make up (I don't spend much time with my hair and make up normally). So, I was trying to fit into someone else's picture and felt a conflict between my own and others' expectations, which happens in my workplace due to the culture every day.

I don't know what my parents are doing in the dream, though, they had no input in my choosing this job.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alitalia View Post
It's not a good dream.. luckily you never met him or saw your wedding in altar. Because usually dream about wedding are related to ".....". I feel bad to type it on. Luckily you never made it.
Oh that's quite gloomy and sad! I've never heard that interpretation before. I don't think it was a warning dream, though. I wasn't anxious, fearful etc., not even elated or happy, I was just trying to carry out motions expected from me in a tight timeframe, slightly baffled by why I even need to do it.
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Alitalia  Alitalia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saskia View Post
Oh that's quite gloomy and sad! I've never heard that interpretation before. I don't think it was a warning dream, though. I wasn't anxious, fearful etc., not even elated or happy, I was just trying to carry out motions expected from me in a tight timeframe, slightly baffled by why I even need to do it.
if it's not for you, possible it's about that guy that you are supposed to marry.. why the message comes to you? Well maybe because you are the one that has stronger connection to the divine. Months before my mom passed away, several of our family members were dreamed that she had a wedding. Everybody were asked.. "why you marry again? Where's your husband and daughter??". But dreamed that has message also followed by the right timing. There's a calculation for the date and time. If the timing wasn't right.. you don't need to worry, it's just a dream.
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I believe that it is about your PhD studies, Saskia, as well as your job.

It's a variation on a classic anxiety dream. The classic dream is that you must take a big exam for a course you never attended and did not know you were registered for. The dreamer is completely unprepared and yet tries to follow through by going to the class. Everything goes wrong--for example, you get lost, you don't have a pencil, there's a big storm, ten things stand in your way as you race toward the classroom. Sometimes the dreamer finds themselves naked in the classroom. The dream goes on and on and on.

Your dream substitutes the wedding for the university exam but has the exact same structure. I had this dream, more than once, including naked in the classroom. Many people I know had this dream.

And Sigmund Freud had this dream. His interpretation points out that people never dream about things they fail at--for example, he didn't dream about taking tests in subjects where he was weak, only in subjects that he had done well in. So the dream message is, "you have been successful already and you can keep being successful."

As I see it: the dream brings to consciousness the fears and anxieties about failing at something that's important to you. But the content of the dream is absurd. You are not going to take a final exam in a class you never attended, you are not going to be naked in the classroom. You are not going to marry a neighbor in 15 minutes with wet hair, nothing to wear, and your real husband standing by. To me, the message is: your anxiety and worry is not actually connected to the reality of the situation. The real situation is not absurd, not crazy; the real situation is something you can handle. And you do.
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Hi Debra, I think you're right about an anxiety dream. I didn't realise it because I didn't actually feel anxious in the dream, mainly perplexed - why is this happening? I accepted I had to marry that stranger as a business deal, but I didn't get why I need to go through the fuss. And...

I've been in a new job for 4 months now and it's significantly more formal, rigid and supervised than anything I've done before. There's a lot of emphasis on appearances, behaviour and words we use. I have to have my correspondence approved by my boss, whereas in my previous job, I had much more autonomy and the dress code and culture were semi-/smart casual. My current job is formal business attire and formal business behaviour at all times.

I'm not 100% happy about the situation but I must stick with it for now for money's sake and also, it is a good career building opportunity (marriage in the dream = social contract, a business deal, moving 'up' in life). I've also had to upgrade my wardrobe to fit in (fancy dresses in the dream that I don't feel fully comfortable in) and sometimes I struggle with my hair because I just knot it up wet straight from shower (I hate blow drying) and I know it's not quite acceptable (just like in the dream).

Yes I've also had those exam dreams but in them I take exams in subject I didn't excel at - math, and that's what makes the dreams so anxiety-evoking!

Thanks for your help Deb!
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♥ Hope you settle in to the job enough to feel more comfortable. ... and not so much that you get trapped!
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