ROC June - Esk and JojoCat

Esk

JoJoCat said:
oh wow, lots resonated. Feedback is below and I'll do your reading early next week I hope (but def before the deadline)

So this is true, though from a sideways rationale from how you describe. I'm not particularly humble or altruistic, and no one gets that from their first impression of me (the first impression is almost always that I have lots of direct and honest energy -- which is true -- and/or that I am charismatic or charming, which is the mask in a sense (I am charismatic but I try very hard to not to overwhelm others now)). So perhaps this speaks to me trying to tone down my energy to put others at ease. I don't think I try to appear "nicer" that much but you know my father repeats this advice (that I have to put myself first) endlessly to me so maybe it's true, idk (honesetly I thought it was his own internal ego-issue that made him obsess about it hahah).

I'm not particularly good at forgiveness or making amends LOL... which is a softer way of saying that neither quality come easily to me. My Buddhist faith has helped me get closedr to peace and acceptance with human foibles though.

Yes, I got tired of the mask about 2 years ago. Grew to hate it. And I quit my corporate bullsh*t lawyer job around then. And moved to Korea last October. And I have become so happy since I left the US. Most of my days are filled with gratitude and happiness and wonder at the beauty of the world. So it's not a holiday but very close to what you described. Basically I couldn't take keeping up the facade anymore and then I found a way so that I didn't have to... and it's been wonderful!

This has come up in readings before as my strength. I suppose I don't think about my adaptability too much as it's always been with me but your reading made me really dig deep into this. So now I begin to realize how much of a gift this is. Really I thought everyone was like me, able to adjust everywhere; I thought it wasn't that special. The rest is true too (if I can say that without sounding arrogant; that certainly isn't my intention); I make friends easily and am socially facile.

And I am glad to hear that the person I can depend on during times of crisis is myself. Thank you!

YEP, very true. Moving to Korea has made me really introspect. I finally figured out how to meditate a month ago! And yes, I'm walking this path alone, with no mentors or friends who have walked it before. That used to upset me but I've gotten to acceptance about that too. And it suits the iconoclast in me LOL.

Yes, this is very true! <3 I don't think the mask would have disappeared so much if I had stayed in NYC. Moving countries really jumpstarted lots of great changes in my ife journey. My mask was what I needed to survive in a world that was not right for me for so many reasons. And now that I am really and truly out of that world, everything is happier.

All I can think of to relate on the altruistic front is my desire to help historically oppressed people. But that too was more recent which was why I didn't think of it as part of my mask, because isn't a mask a historical thing? Not sure. But also, related: I can't do that as much here. This is not my culture and it is not my place to tell the people who grew up here how to live heir lives or to change things for them. Self-determination in politics is a thing too, especially because doing otherwise is trying to set oneself up as a savior and runs counter to my philosophical and political beliefs.

That came out kind of garbled and it's okay. I'm happy to explain if you'd like to know more but it's not necessary to the reading from my side -- I think that first part about altruism was the only part that felt off; otherwise the rest resonated! <3

Thanks for reading for me~

I'm anwering you a bit late I'm sory. I wanted more time to think about the Mending card but it seems we don't have a lot of time now.
So, this card was actually the only one I struggled with and I was not sure of its interpretation. So disregard it if it doesn't make sense. The overall feeling I had with your reading is that this card doesn't really matters. It was like this spread was not really relevant in your life right now because whatever mask you may have, it doesn't prevent you from going further in your journey. It's like you're honest with yourself and most of the time you show to others who you are, so it doesn't really matter what mask you could put from time to time.
However I'm still stuck with the mending card. I'd like to give you a more constructive answer for this card but can't find one, sorry.

If you want to stay in touch for this reading or whatever, here's my email : esktarot1@gmail.com

Esk

JoJoCat said:
It's totally fine! I didn't notice any major errors or anything to disrupt readability <3

So my counter-feedback to your feedback is that.... I think this ties into the self-sufficiency and strength you think that your mother had. And I think that it's great that she was this way and most impressive that she raised you having her as a model (ie without putting an emotional burden on you, which sadly happens too much I'm afraid).

But I did get a very strong feeling that you refusing to ask for help restricted your growth in many ways. Because, as you said, you then had to give up what you couldn't do for yourself... and difficulties that could have been overcome through teamwork became real difficulties because you did not let your team of cheerleaders help you (even if only to tell you that you can do it... talking about problems really helps!!). A big part of the joy in life is receiving the help from others, because that cements the bonds of friendship and kinship. I will say, however, that I struggle with this too, so I super-empathize

Yes, I understand what you mean. We can hear the words from our loved ones ("don't be afraid to ask for help") but then be caught up in the cycle of following their behaviors (because they never ask for help). And that can hurt us in the long run as we emulate the behaviors.

LOL I empathize with this too! I'm suchhhh an introvert. Some days I get enough people interaction from talking to folks on the internet!

I also understand what you mean about fearing to ask for help -- it can feel like an attack on our own personalities (I feel that way sometimes, as much as I try to fight it).

Don't overthink your anxieties, you know? I know exactly where you're coming from (I've been there) and what helped me was to just accept that "for whatever reason, X and Y think I'm worth hanging out with. I'll just keep talking like I normally do." And then that authenticity opens up to real connection (in my opinion -- remember that those who want community (but not intense one-on-one connection) will not feel the same way; they're just not wired the same way as us).

Oh, love, I'm so sorry to have hurt you through this reading. I tried really hard to be as compassionate as I could be -- but also blunt, because when I get messages like this, I know I have to deliver the message; it's part of my duty to the universe for giving me a gift to dig deep like this. But I am sorry to hurt you with my words. Just know that I understand your perspective and validate your desires. (PM me if you want more information on this-- it relates to the three instinctual stackings, of which the desire for intense connection -- like you and I crave -- is the most rare, like only 10-15% of the population has this desire honestly.) I promise you that it's totally okay to have this desire. I hope you can open to and accept this desire earlier in your life than I did

Let me know if you have any other questions~

Thank you very much for your kind words and you support

Currently I' trying to change these bad habits and also be more open, but it's a long process and it's not always easy to change, even if it's for the better.

Don't worry, it was not blunt, you were great in delivering the message you had. It's just that it's something I've suffered a lot so it's a painful topic for me, but it has nothing to do with the reading or the way you wrote it

I didn't know so few people wants this kind of close relationship. I'd love some more information about this kind of connection, you seem to know more than me.
This past few months I've thought about it much less because I'm more focused on my boyfriend and new professionnal projects. But your reading has resurrected this desire I've buried deep inside. It's probably not a bad thing because I have to be aware of what could make me really happy. I don't know who could be this special person, except maybe an ex but things are really really difficult between us and he doesn't want this kind of realationship with me. I'll stay open to others, and try to communicate more in order to not miss my potential BFF

I hope you have yours and are happy on your side :heart: