Is it right to accept a deck if.....

My best friend's mom passed away about two years ago, and my friend is still having a had time coming to terms with the loss. But she recently told me that her mom was into alot of differenet kinds of spiritualism...."Being at one with herself" as she put it. And as we were walking around my local bookshop, we came to the tarot section of the store and my friend pointed out a 'Herbal Tarot' deck set and said, "If you want one of those, I have two of them that were Mom's and you can have one of them." My dilemma is this....until she told me I could have this deck, I had absolutely no desire to have it. I dont know anything about herbs or herbal healing, and I never found the artwork terribly inspiring. But when she said "You can have one of them if you want", well, I had a horrible urge to have it. And then when I asked her if she had ever read with it, she said something like, "Oh no, those were Mom's!"

Now, I didn't really know her mother. My friend had lived with her father since I met her, and since her parents divorce. I had spent some time with her during school breaks and weekends, but she was always sort of distant. Very nice, but distant.

I'm not sure if I had the deck, I would actually read with it, and I feel a bit funny asking for it now since I didnt agree at the time it was offered. But I still want it. I have no doubt that if I do ask for it, my friend will give it to me.
And if she does, I know I will never part with it even if I dont mesh with it right away or cant find it in myself to read with it. In a way I understand what my friend meant by "Oh no, those were Mom's!"

So what would you do??

Pook wrote:In a way I understand what my friend meant by "Oh no, those were Mom's !"

So what would you do??

I'd ask her what she meant by that statement...to elaborate and that way you'd have a better feel for whether or not to take them.

I think you should listen with your heart, like any good Tarot reader. Was it Aesop who said "never look a gift horse in the mouth?" Like you, I wasn't inspired by that decks artwork but I gifted the Herbal Tarot to my cousin who was into that sort of thing and she loved it. I understand your delimma in having not acepted the deck when it was offered. I feel a possible solution is letting your friend know you'll cherish the cards. Good Luck... I can tell your heart is in the right place.

Just curious- why do you want it now when you never were interested in it before?

If it is something you don't feel you will use or really come to appreciate, then I would refrain from taking it. Besides, there might be other family members who would really love to have it even if they aren't into tarot themselves.

I just have a feeling you would never feel right about having it even if you choose to accept it. If your friend insists, then I would ask her to keep it for a year or so just to make sure she is comfortable parting with it or to give other family members time to think about what they want. And, if a year goes by and she still insists you can have it, then by all means take it.

FantasyWorld wrote:I'd ask her what she meant by that statement...to elaborate and that way you'd have a better feel for whether or not to take them.
We actually did talk about that a little bit that day. It seems to have a lot to do with the fact that she and her mother were not on the greatest of terms when she passed and she still hasn't forgiven herself for it. It's almost like she's supersticious about using the cards for herself. But I could tell she didnt want to get into it then and there, so I let it drop. I really didnt want to make her cry in the middle of the bookstore.

As for me, I can honestly say that I dont believe that I want the deck just out of greed. It's not a matter of having the deck just to have it....but then why do I really want it....and the answer is...I just dont know....

Going to sleep on it for another night. Sleep well Aeclectians.....

Perhaps you feel that it would give her comfort to know someone she cares about has the deck that was her mother's. Maybe she could keep one and you could keep the other. Is that what she was implying?

People do all sorts of things in grief that don't seem to make sense later, but at the time are very comforting. In the months after my mother died, I wore some of my mother's costume jewelry that I'd found really ugly before, and that has absolutely nothing to do with my taste or personality. But it gave me comfort.

So sleep on it, and let your heart choose.

Pook wrote:
As for me, I can honestly say that I dont believe that I want the deck just out of greed. It's not a matter of having the deck just to have it....but then why do I really want it....and the answer is...I just dont know....


It's the same situation with any used or antique item we acquire - we must weigh whether or not we feel energetically good about it before we will have it.Usually we don't know the circumstances of its' availability , or what kind of person had it before. What's different is that you know the source and that is getting in the way.

I think that deck has found somewhere it wants to go .

hello pook, i feel for your situation. i agree you need to decide why you want the deck now, when you previously did not. but my next advice would be to ask your friend if you can do a reading with the deck(s), and see how well you connect. if there is chemistry between you and the deck then there might be reason for you to accept it. you might also want to ask your friend their reason for wanting you to have the deck, and then make sure no one else in the family would be upset for you to have it. the readings i mentioned earlier would be the following questions, (or some form of), "what would happen if i accepted (or not) the deck offered". in addition, a single card question such as "do you (the deck), want me?" this should give you an idea on what to do. hope this helps.

I think she offered the deck to you because she has two of them and wants to keep one for herself as a rememberance of her mom, but if she is to give the other away she wants it to go to someone who loves tarot as her mother did and would appreciate and use the deck.
I would be honored that she asked you and accept it in good grace and enjoy the experience of exploring a new deck.
Wheather you end up using it or not it will still be a sweet rememberance for you in your tarot collection.

I think when I get the time, I will do a reading about this situation.
Maybe I'll ask my current reading deck how it would feel to have a new companion in the tarot drawer, or if the Herbal deck is meant to come to me. I think that this will take some more serious thought.......

Thanks to all for your thoughts.