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Self Hatred

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Mael23's Avatar
Mael23  Mael23 is offline
Join Date: 02 Dec 2003
Location: Montreal Qc., Canada
Posts: 8

< Long post coming, bear with me... and thanks for reading!! >

I agree with many of the above posters and those who have contributed in other threads... I have recently bought this deck after working mainly with the Robin-Wood tarot... I still have carry-over associations with Rider-Waite traditional meanings... so as I'm working with this deck, I'm finding that these associations are settling into the new modern imaging of these cards. So I'm glad this forum is here to help me get your input on the cards and will allow me to sound out my approach too.

As this card is related to the Devil (which to me symbolises "blindness") I interpret the image of the man looking at the "ideal family" as being blind to all the different permutations and combinations of what family, acceptance and love are. He is not seeing himself reflected or represented in what is held out as the "ideal" and as a result rejects himself - hence the self-hatred.

So this card represents the internalised homophobia which limits and chains us yet for which we are ultimately responsible for. So going back to the Rider-Waite image of the man and woman chained, yet able to slip out of the bonds, is kind of what we do with our internalised homophobia. We are chained, only to the extent we allow ourselves to be.

Okay... let me elaborate... yes, homophobia exists and is a reality we deal with as gay men... but it doesn't always exist to the extent that we believe it to. I once had a boyfriend who was comfortqble with public displays of affection, but I wasn't as much. Or rather, would only feel at ease to kiss him when I was in the gay village (Montreal). One day he kissed me in the subway station in the west end of the city. Inwardly I cringed and awaited the bashing that I had always thought would come... it didn't. In fact, those who even noticed just kept on walking... I realized then that much of what I used to limit myself were my own fears that had been overly amplified.

So, I allowed myself to slip off some of the bonds of the internalised homophobia I had been carrying... this isn't to say that I'd be suicidal and have a kiss-in in some hostile place... again, the chains of homophobia do exist for real.. it's just that they are not always so tight as we think they are.

So hence my resolution for the Self-hatred card.. yes we can be blind, but with risk and trust, we can see other possibilities for ourselves and not be restrained.

phew.. thanks for letting me ramble!
Top   #21
Jaydoggy's Avatar
Jaydoggy  Jaydoggy is offline
Join Date: 16 Sep 2009
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 44

I have such mixed feelings for this card. I know I and nearly every other LGBT person I know had a moment in our lives where we went through a self-hatred. It can be linked with how we feel about ourselves, how we feel in terms of our religions, how we feel with our families, sometimes blaming ourselves for doing something wrong, or feel like we're being punished or forced through torment.

I feel like the card references this moment, and it's such an important and pivotal one. I hope for future generations soon that nobody will have to feel this. It is a terrible, terrible feeling.

But at the same time.... I really don't know if it works in some positions. I suppose the best way to get used to it is to review the spreads that we use and think to ourselves how to best interpret it if it falls in such a position. I think some times it may not even work; in one of my spreads there's a position which represents the strength of the quarrent - if it's Self-Hatred, it's confusing, but I could interpret it as the fact that the subject could dislike him or herself so much that it drives them to do better things - which is actually a terrible and very sad psychological condition to warn them about if this is the case.
Top   #22
Shade's Avatar
Shade  Shade is offline
Join Date: 28 Aug 2002
Location: California, USA
Posts: 2,863

I see the Self Hatred card as the Shadow and the projections we make because of what we suppress. In the spread you are using could the strength position indicate ways in which the querent's strength is being blocked or lessened? If not than I think it would be a challenging spread to work with. For example what happens when the person's strength is the Three of Swords?

Would the Devil from another deck be appropriate in that position? I know in many decks XV is Pan and there is a positive connotation of the card as the ability to be ruled by passion. But in the big-hair-monster decks the best I could suggest is that the position is saying the person's Strength is in overcoming the Shadow.

Or honestly... is it possible that a person's strength and willpower is secretly coming from their shadow side and repressed anger. It's possible that people do the right things for the wrong reasons.

Edited to add: I realize this post sounds quite a bit different from my first posts about the card but it's been three years and a lot of tension I may have held onto around the deck and this card has gone away the more I read with it.
Top   #23


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