Dreams about your children dying

ferrous

The other day, I had a conversation with my husband (his nickname is Shroom) which was quite disturbing. He told me of some recurring dreams he'd been having involving some much loved people in his life.

One dream had to do with his best mate's eulogy. His best mate has no need of a eulogy at this stage so you can understand that this dream would be a bit frightening to him. (Just to clarify here, in Australia, a mate is not the person you marry or are partnered with. A mate is a friend.)

The other more disturbing dream was something to do with our little boy dying. He said he didn't really know many details, how it happened or how old he was when it happened (he said a bit older than he is now, maybe six months or so), just that it was our fault. Something that coud have been avoided, in other words.

This scared the bejeebies out of me, as you can imagine. Especially so because Shroom has told me of a recurring dream he had three nights in a row, many years ago when he was just a kid about his grandma dying. After the third night of the dream, she died.

What's even scarier is that this past weekend we went to visit his parents & when I was having a chat to his mum, she mentioned that she sometimes has premonition dreams. I hadn't even mentioned Shroom's dreams to her, the topic just came up on its own.

I can't imagine anything worse than our child dying .. especially if it was something that we caused.

I know it's natural to worry about your child, but when I hear of dreams like this coming from someone who's had experience before with this type of dream & then it seems it runs in the family, it really, really scares me.

I suppose I'm posting this here to get it off my chest .. for reassurance, too. I mean, if it's anyone's time to go, they're going to go, no matter what we do .. but the thought of losing the one person that I have no doubt I love the most I've ever loved anyone, well, it absolutely kills me inside.
 

Mesara

I understand why your frightened Ferrous- anyone would be, especially since premonitons seem to run in your husband's family. but I really think that your husband's recent dreaming of his mate and son's dying is just an expression of his fear of losing those he loves. Especially since he had two separate dreams in which each of them died. It seems that if it were a premoniton, it would be more centered on one person, as opposed to having one death dream about your mate and then another about your son.

Everyone goes through periods in their life when you realize just how fragile our existence in this world is, along with the existences of those we love. I know I often have dreams about losing my daughter in really crowded places, and the feelings I have in those dreams are almost primal in their intensity. The desperation, agony, and anxiety I feel is so overwhelming that I often wake up very shaken and disconcerted. I think those dreams are just another expression of every mother or father's fear of losing their child, (I know my husband used to have dreams about our daughter being seriously injured), and they are a natural part of parenthood.

Maybe try asking your husband why he feels he is dreaming about his mate and your son dying in particular. It could be that maybe he feels he isn't spending enough time with them, or something like that.

I do hope you don't become too distressed over this. It is natural to worry, but I think in a few days you will be feeling much more at ease about this.
 

rabble

give him to me. I'll hide him from you!

No, really. I'm sure it's not going to happen. Smiley is much too loved to take off now!

that's horrible though, for both you and shroom. *hugs*
tell him he smells. (incase anyone thinks I'm being horrible, I'm not, he will know what that means.)
 

ferrous

rabble said:
tell him he smells. (incase anyone thinks I'm being horrible, I'm not, he will know what that means.)
lol! :D I will.


rabble said:
I'm sure it's not going to happen. Smiley is much too loved to take off now!
That's what scares me, though. It's almost like he's too good to be true, you know? That we can't possibly have him forever.
 

HudsonGray

I don't have kids, but I do have pets, and one of my strongest nightmares involves pets in danger. When the family was together last summer, I asked both my sisters, who have kids, if they ever had kid in danger or kid dying dreams. They both gave a resounding YES! to that, and since we were at that point standing in line waiting for gyros at a fast food restaurant I wasn't surprised to hear the lady behind us chime in with a 'yes!' too!

It's a common thing, and it's usually pretty traumatic. I think every parent has something along those lines at one point or another, especially when the mind is under stress. Hopefully it's NOT a premonition!
 

ferrous

Mesara said:
I do hope you don't become too distressed over this. It is natural to worry, but I think in a few days you will be feeling much more at ease about this.
I'm not too distressed over it. Well, not in a big way, anyway. I guess my normal fear of losing the most important person in the world to me is a little bit hightened because of Shroom's fears coming out in his dreams.


HudsonGray said:
It's a common thing, and it's usually pretty traumatic. I think every parent has something along those lines at one point or another, especially when the mind is under stress. Hopefully it's NOT a premonition!
He's started a new job relatively recently, so he is under a bit of stress. I really hope that's all it is.

Thanks for your reassurance, everyone. It does help a bit.
 

Diana

ferrous: I don't know how many parents have these dreams. Probably a lot of us.

(I'm speaking of the dream concering your son, although the other dreams you mention also fit in with what I'm saying.)

When my son was young and more vulnerable (baby and little boy), I would have the most horrific dreams about him dying and being kidnapped and I don't know what. I don't even want to REMEMBER the details of the dreams, they were so horrid.

But nothing happened to him. And I rarely, rarely have bad dreams like this anymore. It can happen occasionally, but somehow I am more "used" to these dreams now. I know that they are just my deepest fears being brought to the surface... IN ORDER FOR ME TO DEAL WITH THEM.

Nightmares are terrible things. But they are there for a purpose. If we listen to their message, they can help us progress and learn how to face and fight our deepest demons. We cannot always win the battle. Demons are strong and they want to live as well... they're not going to give up without a good fight. But as long as we recognise them as demons, then we've already won part of the battle.
 

Chubby Mummy

Hey there Ferrous,
I know sometimes I can have "premonition" dreams but normally they are in a kind of code which you need to unravel.... Your husband dreaming of death only shows how much he loves your son and worries about him...I used to have them all the time (especially with my first son - it goes with being a parent...all the worry and that!!!)...What it is - you think "bad" thoughts in the day and then you say to yourself...I shouldnt be thinking thoughts like this...then in the night when you sleep your subconcious brings out the "repressed" thoughts you were having in the day... Not all dreams should be taken as premonition dreams however...!


xxxxx
CM
 

ferrous

Thank you so much for all the wonderful replies. It does make me feel better. I know, too, that I can't let worries like this take over my life & stop me enjoying him day to day. Generally I'm pretty good at taking things easy & not letting worries get on top of me, so I guess this is just one more of those worries of which I have to take heed, but not let it run my life.
 

Chubby Mummy

I get the feeling you only have one child...see I was the most paranoid annoying person when I only had my son. NO-ONe was allowed to babysit him, feed him without my observation and man I would cry at bad thoughts that I would have about him...I know this is extreme but I even showed my mother in law my kitchen knives so that if she considered kidnapping my child ever she would land on them, oops- by accident. But then I had my daughter and now I dont know why but I have become so much more relaxed about life...I think being a new parent can have that scary feeling. All of a sudden you are responsible for this little human being and your subconsious plays games on you. Ive realised that now. You need to get this fear out of your system and enjoy being a parent...it has its scary moments too...it all comes with the package but it should mostly consist of happy stuff. Anyways...we gotta look forward to their "teenage" years...now thats scary... piercings...protection...clubbing...teenager tantrums. Hm... Good luck with that..ye??!! ;)
lol

take care n no worries
xxx
CM