CM: Glimmers of Enlightenment

For those who may be interested discussing in the experiences and results following from the practice of Centering Meditation, I have opened this thread as a companion to CM: Twenty Minutes Towards Enlightenment which discusses the theory and practice itself.

I have recently returned from a Wisdom School led by the radical Christian priest, hermit and author, Cynthia Bourgeault. You wouldn't think you could learn wisdom at a school, but in a sense you can - but only indirectly from a teacher since the wisdom actually comes from within, the teacher only helping catalyze this process. Each day there was a routine which included three hours of teaching; an hour question period; up to three hours of meditation and chant; just over an hour of light physical work or somatic education (connecting with one's body image); three meals; and two and a half hours of free time. Half of the teaching time was based on Cynthia's book, Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening, and half on Jacques Lusseyran's book And There Was Light: Blind Hero of the French Resistance - the story of a blind boy who learned to see.

We discussed egoic consciousness, which is the state in which the ego operates. Egoic consciousness forces us to react in predictable ways, almost like a computer. The so-called "false self" uses three programs which operate in the subconscious: power/control, security/survival and esteem/affection. They drive the egoic consciousness, and when there any perceived threats to these programs the ego reacts in anger and pain. It then seeks to reduce its pain and promote its pleasure, often at the expense of others. In fact the ego is inherently violent and territorial, for its pleasure seeking would logically lead it to try to corner resources and control people. We see this expressed in lotteries, dreams of being president, escapist movies and so forth.

Most significantly, the ego works in polarities, defining the world into subject and object. In particular the ego operates by focusing on the negative, what something is not. It thinks that black is not white; evil is not good; a cat is not a dog, not an elephant, not a horse. It makes dualistic lists to describe itself: "I am David (not Bob, not John, not God, not nothing), I like photography (not bobsledding, not needlepoint), and I dislike fried food (not oranges, not sushi)".

Beyond the egoic lies "unitive" consciousness. The unitive transcends the dualities: it is non-dualistic. As the Beatles sang, "I am you and you are me and we are altogether". Even the most rule bound egoic person is capable of excursions into the unitive - for example if you were to see someone drowning you "instinctually" jump in to save them, even at risk to yourself. The ego would naturally seek to preserve itself from danger, but unitive consciousness sees no difference between the person drowning and the person the ego thinks it is. In saving the "other" the unitive mind recognizes it is saving itself.

From the egoic standpoint, it appears that nothingness is the key to unitive or enlightened consciousness. And I found this out in a very practical, repeatable way through the practice of Centering Prayer, which I prefer to call Centering Meditation. In fact the nothingness of Centering Meditation is not empty at all: its reality is simply more subtle. Enlightenment is not really just for the monks or the hermits in caves, it is free and readily available to all. But it is so radical that its truth is unacceptable to egoic society, the "weegoic" institutions do not operate well with it, and it has always been forced to the fringes. Of course the esoteric arts such as the Tarot are expressions of the unitive consciousness, hence they too have been largely alienated from our officially approved culture.

The small mind of the ego must learn to die for the universal to arise. In fact a well lived and growth filled life is made up of a series of ego deaths. The more well developed and healthy the "large mind" of unitive consciousness has been developed, the more inconsequential becomes the final physical death, for this death can only be yet another egoic death. Unitive consciousness exists outside of time and space - it is undying and even now resides in the eternal.

But I think it is important to remember that the ego is neither inherently good or evil, it is simply very limited. The ego is however how we can relate most effectively to our incarnation in a dualistic world. A healthy and well balanced ego is a worthy goal, a polished and well tuned violin. The mistake is in believing that I am that violin. In unitive consciousness I realize that I am the violinist and the ego is only my instrument.

For several days I have wanted to share the practice of Centering Meditation in the forums. But I have been strangely reluctant to do so, it feels so personal, almost like sharing the details of a love making - which indeed it is. For this is another way in which almost every adult has experienced unitive consciousness: in the practice of healthy human sexuality there is almost always a moment when time ceases to exist, and the two are completely one, each given wholly to the other.

Already I have realized that skipping a day of Centering Meditation is a loss I would not willingly make. Where until now I have largely relied on dreams to further my integrative growth, I now see the importance of using this practical tool during my wakeful hours.

As well as being a doorway to the infinite, CM also stimulates healing at the psychological or egoic level. Please see an example in Post #21 of Spirit Guide Group: Draws, Volume Two.

In unitive consciousness I realize that I am the violinist and the ego is only my instrument.

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For me, this is the key phrase in your very comprehensive overview. With much practice at mindfulness, discerning when and how to use the instrument (instead of being played *by* it) becomes ever more clear.

And as the musician improves, the Cosmos continues to send new symphonies of challenge

Rehearsals are in our meditation sessions, the performance is when we're off the zafu.

Imagemaker said:

Rehearsals are in our meditation sessions, the performance is when we're off the zafu.

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I really enjoyed this remark Imagemaker, although I didn't know what zafu meant until I Googled it. I though zafu was a cute way to refer to one's a$$ - and well, its pretty close.

Cheers - David

Ah, yes, it's the cushion many meditators sit on--a Zen thing--but yes, a$$ is an alternative meaning for sure!

Put zafu into Google images and you'll see multiple styles!

Unitive Invitations

Although the prime goal of Centering Meditation is not a "give to get", but an unselfish letting go of desire, it is clear that personal benefits do come from the practice, particularly when they are not looked for.

As mentioned in Post #21 of theSpirit Guide Group: Draws, Volume Two thread referred to above, there were three times in which in the stillness of the mind was joined by unitive thought. I am reasonably sure this was the case, because it seems to me that an egoic thought, even when the source is from the unconscious, has a natural tendency to drag one back into the stream of consciousness. What appears to me to be unitive thought, perhaps bubbles rising up from the depths into the stream, or leaves dropping down from the sky, does not disturb the resting mind, but actually augments the stillness.

As mentioned in the post above, there were three occasions in which this unitive thought came from Sophia, "May I join you?" These invitations were not at all like the superficially similar ones which at times projected themselves onto the egoic stream, for they seemed harsh and grasping by comparison. All I had to do in response to the unitive questions was to answer yes or no without thinking, since there was no feeling of compulsion or distraction involved.

In the first instance, Sophia, i.e. Wisdom Herself, joined me as duality in singularity, and there was the subtle presence of tastes and odours, perhaps vaguely like a rose. Yet these sensations were not distractive, in fact the focus of the resting mind became tighter and more solidified if anything. This was not like the presence of my Sophie of the egoic realm, although that entity is clearly part of the Sophia - in fact its quite difficult to explain this in dualistic language since one soon gets tied up in knots.

The second instance, of kneeling to weep with Sophie at the grave of the old self, I have described in the link above. In the third visitation, there was a great tingling warmth which arose on the left side of the body - interestingly, the domain of the right brain - which after some moments spread to the right side so that the whole body was in tingling warmth, after which the sensations subsided. But my mind remained in stillness, so that there was awareness but detachment from the sensations going on below.

Meditational Walking

In our afternoon meditational sessions at the Wisdom School, we gathered after our free time to participate in a three part discipline of sitting meditation, then walking meditation, and lastly sitting meditation, each segment lasting twenty minutes. Because of the practice of emptying which is characteristic of Centering Meditation, this walking meditation is quite different from the Buddhist vipassana style in which one focuses on the movement of each foot. Since Centering Meditation has no focus other than in letting go of thoughts so as to reveal stillness, walking during the CM state becomes rather dreamlike and diffuse.

But on the first day of these sessions I had not listened to the instructions properly, and the teacher too had not organized a way of signaling to us that the walking phase was over. So I found myself walking off down a path I had not taken before, into an archery target range (luckily not in use at the time ), and on past the targets to where the netting would normally be strung between poles to prevent stray arrows from continuing into the forest. The netting was down on the ground, but as I passed between the poles I had the strange sensation of walking into another plane: as if I was walking through a mirror, or perhaps a veil, and I put my hands in front of me as I passed through.

I looked back once and continued on through the forest, then climbed up an intriguing granite escarpment, partly covered by golden grass. Occasional thoughts went through from time to time, perhaps just enough to keep me on the trail, and I remember thinking, "Oh, a typical Capricorn, I had to find a place to climb!" Then the trail went back into the forest, ending at a gravel road which took me back to the teaching centre. Rather than a slow twenty minute stroll around the parking lot, I had ended up taking a fairly brisk forty minute walk into the unknown. I have very little remembrance or understanding of what happened on that walk, but I remember thinking that evening, although it was only my first full day here the work is done, and if I were to go home tomorrow that would be fine.

At the start of the afternoon session next day, Cynthia firmly reminded us that attendance for the whole hour was not optional - but at this point I was quite happy and willing to conform, and it didn't really matter. That second day I had travelled the previous day's route twice with my camera, once before the day started, and once during free time that afternoon - these times in ordinary consciousness. But the forest walk in unitive consciousness was in some way central to the week's experience, which has left me in great peace and gentleness, with the heart of a child.

Centering Meditation and Dreams

Last night I experienced a great sadness related to the disconnection and brokeness experienced by humanity, which was expressed in the body as a stomach upset. I sensed that this feeling was related to my continuing and regular excursions into unitive consciousness through Centering Meditation (CM).

Over the past several nights I had been having dreams that seemed to be related to CM, but nothing that I could clearly remember. But last night I actually seemed to be doing CM during a dream(!) and I must have noticed this by having an egoic thought, for I found myself pronouncing my centering word, "Om". As I did so I was filled with a huge ecstatic charge of what I can most inadequately describe as love, and the energy was so intense that I immediately woke up.

Upon waking I noticed that both my sadness and stomach upset were gone.

Returning to sleep I had a vague dream in which I learned that Centering Meditation is an experience of sacred marriage. This imagery would seem to recall my sacred marriage with the Inner Beloved, but at a higher level.

David this is so interesting to me. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

Looks like my "Om" message was again a psychic connection.

Sue x

Om on Target

Yes, you shared the Om encounter in Posts #125-128 of the SG Encounters thread. There just couldn't seem to be any other choice for me for a centering word, and this dream has definititely confirmed it. I think I can attribute a large degree of the success I have had in Centering Meditation so far to using Om. It just seems so powerful and non-judgemental, but gentle and calming too, like a lover's whisper. How could egoic thought not fly freely away when embraced by Om? I do think that there is a significance in Om for you also Sue.

You also described how you had been seeing images of archery targets last week at Post #152 of the SG Encounters thread, and I suggested an interpretation of my encounter with them, as described in "Meditational Walking", above.

Radical Theology?

During the Wisdom School, Cynthia suggested how frustrated she is with language in the Holy Communion which treats this act of sacred magic as if it was done in remembrance. In Cynthia's view, the Communion only has meaning as an invocation and celebration of presence, the continued dwelling of the Christos Sophia among humanity as a guiding avatar.

Last night I dreamed of my wife Lynn and I attending a Holy Communion with members of many denominations of Christianity. I have suggested elsewhere that Christianity is itself merely a denomination of the one world faith. In this dream Lynn was a bit nervous about the upcoming ritual, for this Communion was to be one unlike any other - Jesus would be there in absolute and uncontained form. But we held hands, even still holding them at the altar rail, and we waited together for the presence. Then I woke.

I feel that my daily practice of CM continues to bring rich fruit. I don't quite know where it is leading, but love and tenderness continue to well up. I had one of my rare sessions with my former mentor the day after returning from Wisdom School, and she mentioned that in her experience daily meditation seems to tune one into the universe, so that synchronicity abounds.

It is strange too that our Anglican priest has just asked me to do a talk on Centering Meditation at the Sunday services on September 18. There has been an estrangement between us since my publication of the Inner Beloved web site, worsened by my attendance at the Introduction to Christian Hermeticism course a month ago (incidentally, I sent him the link to the public ATF thread). In reply I mentioned to him that "My theology is radical". He asked rhetorically, "Well, what about my theology?" He then asked if I wanted to also do the talk in the more conservative of our two churches. I said, "I don't care! It doesn't bother me."

So it would seem that I have pretty much a free hand to share my cosmology as I see it, and I had previously made up my mind that I would not speak from the pulpit unless this was the case. I have spoken on quite a few occasions in the past, but following my radical shift in perspective after the union with the Inner Beloved over a year ago, I did not expect to be invited ever again. Fortunately, I already have a lot of material on Centering Meditation (with sidelights on Tarot and Sophia) here at the ATF which I can adapt into a sermon without too much trouble. This is quite incredible!