Huredriel said:
Strong emotions, stomach turning over I expect …….. Makes me think of the solar plexus chakra going out of balance, control issues? You also wearing heels …… so a connection to Mum, possible similarities you share, that you don't want. They were watching and judging you …….. But you were watching and judging them too. So the real life connection and of judgement …….. Plus also of yourself ……. Judging your inner mother perhaps? Letting the inner critic come out? ……. Can't deal with it so you have to escape? Why couldn't you embrace her? Offer acceptance through unconditional love? Is this showing the past?
Yes I see that inner critic and judge emerging here, as well. Children who grow up criticized, judged, and shamed will in turn learn to be a critic, a judge, and shaming…most especially when it comes to the self. Control issues are very much at the heart of this dream; as well as dealing with all those harsh feelings of being judged and shamed. I think you raise a good question. Why couldn’t I embrace her? That is so completely interesting. I had an aversion to my mother from an early age. I used to resist her hugs and push her away when I was little. In most pictures of me as a baby or small child, where she is holding me I am crying. I don’t know why I felt a lack of trust for her from my earliest memory. I didn’t feel I could trust her, and I didn’t. My life has ultimately proven my earliest instincts to be accurate. Whether this was a part self-fulfilling prophecy and part Destiny…actually perhaps it’s both…I don’t know, but she indeed has demonstrated repeatedly over my entire lifespan that I can’t trust her with any part of my heart. With our most recent split(06), I was reminded of the reasons I stayed away. All of the past insecurities, inadequacies, and feelings of betrayal came back to me and I just felt overwhelmed. I ‘ve spent the better part of this past year processing this and weeding through all of it. I think that’s why I’ve been having so many dreams lately.
Huredriel said:
New place, trying to have new views but it's *old style* ……. Makes me think that there's a return to *old style values* …… looking at the square, the foundations ….. Where everyone is in harmony …… and of course you want to belong there ….. You specifically see the word salsa, would suggest looking up the numerology for that ……. But I also googled it ….. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salsa_(dance) ……… and I'm pretty sure I heard on the tv the other night that this is not only a partner dance, but a very sexual one at that. And you can't remember how to dance it …… would suggest a link between the dance and thoughts on mum etc etc. Grounding, stability ……. Your roots ….. So you go back to basics …… still a problem …… sod it, you'll do what you want ……. So would suggest a recurring cycle here that you need to learn from rather than ignoring and compensating for in other ways, and you're quite happy doing that. Time to stop, time to go home …….. Which makes me think of your connection to GoD and the *source* …… time to reconnect at the root, basics, primitive force?
There is a sexual dynamic here. You are point on, but due to the nature of the content I am sending a PM on this one.
Huredriel said:
ADDED - I found this website through google which gives the numbers for the alphabet:
http://www.starlightnumerology.com/numbertable.htm
so that would make SALSA ..... 1 - 1 - 3 - 1 - 1 ... does that sequence mean anything to you (as I know you do get recurring number patterns) ...... also adds to 7 ...... Chariot ..... control issues again perhaps ....... needing to steer your course carefully?
Yes, 7 is my personality number or all the consonants in my name added together. Further, the Chariot is connected to the sign of Cancer…my Mother’s family was very Matriarchal…and three generations of Cancer first-borns…Great-Grandmother, Grandmother, and my Mother were all Cancers. I however, am not. I was the firstborn, but am Pisces… so beating to a little different drum than they were. However, my Moon is in the 4th house so the Cancer ways are not completely foreign to me. I can also see the control issues at work here too. All of the above apply. Thanks for this numerological component, as it really illuminates the hidden meaning of that word in my dream.
Huredriel said:
Escape is gathering momentum, as you get further away from the influence so you can move more freely. However obstacles kept appearing and trying to slow you down. The further along you go, the higher they get. It feels to me (just my opinion) as if whatever you are running from is very deeply hidden & needs to be dealt with. Jumps turned into hedge. Found this through google (I love google LOL):
Psychological Meaning: This dream may represent the restrictions and obstacles you believe are inhibiting your progress. The restrictions that you intend to overcome may be psychological or material. If you dream of cutting a hedge this may suggest that you have accepted an immovable obstacle and are making the best of a bad situation. Mystical Meaning: To dream of cutting a hedge means that good luck is on its way.
I relate to these hedges as obstacles. I think they are both psychological, but also real obstacles too. It’s a mix. They seemed immovable, but not insurmountable to me as I climbed them and even jumped over them.
Huredriel said:
And Moss:
To dream of moss, denotes that you will fill dependent positions, unless the moss grows in rich soil, when you will be favored with honors.
Dreams about moss reflect our worries about money and material things. Looking at moss: chances are good to receive money. Sitting on a mound of moss denotes good health and well-being.
The meanings of moss in a dream are very interesting. I do have material worries, so I can see that fitting in here. Of course it ended up in my hands as I was climbing the hedge. Perhaps that is a favorable omen. However, I resent money and material confinements; though I am certainly desirous of material security I would rather be poor and have love…to share and see others have too. I really have come to resent money and capitalism. I am sending a PM on the rest of my thoughts on this matter.
Huredriel said:
Patience, the passage of time, humbleness. Also moss in a dream can represent the idea of something that improves or thrives when it's left alone or kept out of the spotlight - as moss thrives in places the sun does not reach.
Since moss thrives in the dark, then would say that your hedge/obstacles have unconsciously been thriving as the root is hidden & you haven't been able to shed any light on them. A need to go back or delve to illuminate. By doing so (grasping) means you will be able to tear down the obstacle but it sounds as if it will need patience as it's so tall. Here though you are trying to go over it, and I would take the multi-ethnic group to be your inner supporters who are cheering you on. Only thing is, do they come from that village? If so, it could be old patterns that are wanting you to keep running - does that make sense? Then you land at yet another obstacle. Would ask what is the feeling that is spurring you on.
The running makes sense, yes. That is how I have most often dealt with my mother; run. Also, the multi-ethnic and village symbolism I feel represents what I believe in and feel the world should be like. It goes back to what I shared about Socialism. I resent hierarchies of wealth and status symbols. I feel the world is a village, and all people should be equal.
Huredriel said:
Perseverance, determination. You got through another obstacle ………. And then into the area of college, a place of higher learning …… google brought this forward:
To dream that you are in college, indicates that you are going through some social or cultural changes. You may be wanting to expand your knowledge and awareness. It also suggest that now is a good time for you to experiment and try new things.
If you had gone to college in your past, then also consider your personal experiences and memories of your college days. However, if you are currently in college, then it may be a reflection of your current surroundings. It may also represent stress.
College is where I first learned how to distance myself and objectify my personal experiences, to the degree of finding greater functional ability in dealing with my family issues. Perhaps this is a touchstone of that learning experience to remind me that I can overcome my difficulties by applying detachment and reason to the situation. I can certainly see that I’ve allowed my emotional responses to dominate my responses to the struggles with my family over the past few years. Losing my father pulled the rug out from me. He was a rock and someone I truly trusted in my life. His death has had a profound effect on me, and I’ve found myself living more through my emotions and less through my reasoning.
Huredriel said:
Lamp posts = light, little paths = choices ……. Different methods/routes to get where you want to go. Right feels to me to be future/higher road …… solarium café …….. Solarium = sun ……. Egoic mind ……. Possibly all that conditioning again. Also light …… clarity & knowledge of the self ……. Should you go in & absorb its energy ……. Exclusive looking …. Select, invitees only? However what really strikes me here …… is the reversal ……. You are running away from your mum ……. And now you are trying to get to her!!!! Big point I feel. So climbing over those obstacles …… jumping, leaping running & eventually you're going back, I want to say *are you tired yet* at this point. Out of place …… new place, new feelings ……. New territory to be examined ……. Two men could be guides? Do you think there could one of yours and one of your mum's? Especially with them being hazy? Teacher/student aspect could also denote both your masculine aspects here ……. Both within your own self, and also learning from mum/or she learning from you? Hallway …… denotes corridor ….. Which I usually think of as the *present* …. With doors to either side ….. Left for past, right for future …….
You know it occurs to me that perhaps the boy is me, and the man is my father. I was close to him and he was someone who taught me so much about life. We are kind of like Astro-Twins. He was a Pisces Sun/Gemini Rising with Mercury in Aries in the 11th….just like me. Further I have a Venus in Aquarius, and he was Mars in Aquarius. I could just intuit him without words; I knew what he was thinking and what he needed from me. There is something about masculine energy which I learned to trust, versus feminine energy which seemed unstable and inconstant. That may be what this dream is drawing out, and why I favor the Male representation of God over the Goddess view. The Male God or Father is loving and protective, loyal and fair; but to my heart and mind I associate living under a Goddess with judgment, ridicule, instability, feelings of inadequacy, deception, illusion, and lack of power; being subject to her whims of emotions or hunger for ego satisfaction.
Huredriel said:
Would ask which side was this door on?
The door was on to my right.
Huredriel said:
Would ask here …… does it seem as if your mum has to have a man around in her life and are you secondary to whomever that would be (sorry, I don't know if she & your dad are still together).
I am secondary to whomever else she is with…be it a man, my sister, a job, or anyone/anything. It has always seemed necessary to her to have someone or something put before me to remind me of how secondary I am to her.
Huredriel said:
This could be the inner mother, the inner critic or a message highlighting your perception of your real mum.
This could certainly be highlighting my inner critic. Judgment is the name of the game in Mother’s family. I have learned that lesson well, and find I am quite the terrific critic myself.
Huredriel said:
Will be devil's advocate here to so speak …….. Did she tell you that she thought these things of you, or were you assuming? Could this be your own perception?
No she didn’t tell me in this dream, but has told me plenty in real life. I have become conditioned to expect it to the degree that I can’t really see anything else. However, I see where that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy too. The truth is I really am struggling with how to view my mother. I have just been hurt too much and too often to feel safe, or to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Huredriel said:
And here is the inner child & her pain, which I feel shows some need for healing still.
Yes, quite right.
Huredriel said:
Would say that this is your faith & a connection to GoD or source. As the passageway has also led you to him, perhaps there's a spiritual message asking you to heal with mum so as to progress your connection with your GoD?
I believe this is very true. It is essential to forgive and seek peace in order to have a close connection to God. That is why these issues with Mother are so challenging for me. I know I MUST overcome them, and truly want to…but I have wrestled with the feelings of injustice and that blocks me from deeper connection to God sometimes.
Huredriel said:
To dream that you are watching television, represents your brain, mind and its flowing thoughts. It shows how you are receiving, integrating, and expressing your ideas/thoughts. The programs you dream of watching is an objective view of the things that are in your mind.
Interesting that I was focusing on the Sun; the Masculine principle. It comforted me, and I even received a hug from the Male Presence in the room. I think this all just points back to my feelings that the Father is safe and comforting, where the mother is condemning and shaming.
Huredriel said:
To see a bookcase in your dreams, signifies that you will associate knowledge with your work and pleasure. Empty bookcases, imply that you will be put out because of lack of means or facility for work.
To see a bookshelf in your dream, represents the various levels of your mind where ideas, concepts, and memories are kept. It also suggests your need to acquire some information or knowledge in a situation before making your decision
To me this makes me think of the left/right brain activities ………. Tv = logical side; bookshelf = intuitive side. So which one had the sun on it?
This is interesting. The Sun in the TV monitor was on the left side, where the books where on the right. I can see the split between those two dynamics. I was trusting and focusing on the left…the Sun…so the logical/male energy was what comforted me in this room; not the female or intuitive energy. What is so troubling about this is that I am highly intuitive. Since my father’s passing I have grown more intuitive and less analytical. It’s like he kept me grounded and fed the ‘male’ side of me. With him gone, I have become far less connected to my inner male self; feeling more vulnerable and subject to my emotions.
Huredriel said:
Would also see that as a link to the solarium café. Looking at it from space could also indicate that you are looking at things in this room from a higher perspective i.e. not on this planet/realm.
Interesting thoughts here…I can see that as also applicable because I seek to view things from a higher perspective. I especially need to in this situation to detach myself from the emotional turmoil that comes along with it.
Huredriel said:
JAMES ……. 1 - 1 - 4 - 5 - 1 =12/Hanged Man …… so this could be prophetic, that James will come & apologise & try to make amends. It could also be that he will serve as a bridge between you and mum. However, although his name was given, you didn't recognise the young man as such. After re-reading properly through the thread (should have done that first eh!) …… could this be because his connection to you is tenuous? That he wasn't in full support for you or that he has things hidden?
I think you are point on. PM sent here to clarify.
Huredriel said:
Interesting that only men are hazy - not sure what to make of that at the moment. It feels like there's something going on, on the outskirts that isn't really that important but has a knock-on effect for you with your mum. So the older man is a priest/counsellor/helper ….. But why the embarrassment? If he were meant to be in proper confession, wouldn't there have been privacy? Which would lead to me thinking that you needed to hear what he was talking about. And it brought up feelings of indignation in you. It was emotive. You had to keep shut, your throat chakra closed ……. Even though you knew he had done nothing wrong ……. What can you equate that to in your life? Can you then take that further to include the priest …… and see who that would be in your life/past. You couldn't do anything about this so you left the room ……. To me denotes acceptance …… and progression forwards.
I think the male haziness may have been there to draw out the distinction between the male and female energies. The female was dominate and visible. That is how it has been in my mother’s family…and with my mother...and my sister too. The men are always easily replaced, and far less important than the women. I have truly resented that, and been protective of the males in my life because of it.
Huredriel said:
And more progression …….. Back into a car, and in the driver's side ……. Taking charge of your own life. However the drive way is circular which brings to mind *going round in circles* again …… old-world ……. Old-fashioned values …… or the past! Now its your sister …….. Not your mum …… how alike are they? How much of their lives have they done the same? How many behaviour patterns copy each other?
They are very much alike, and as my sister has grown older she is almost like her twin.
Huredriel said:
Would take it that she is also in the way of the car if she's not in it ……. So while she's supposed to be doing one thing (could this be her faith) …. She's doing another (not walking her talk)? So off you go …. Doing your thing ……. Tyre deflates (you feel deflated) …… but it is another obstacle in moving forward ……. So while you feel you are supposed to be driving her somewhere, you can't ………. Could this be that she has to learn to help herself? And people very often do cut their noses off to spite their face …… could it be not to rise to your mum using your sister as bait?
My sister is 5 + years younger than me. My mother made me responsible for her. Needless to say, I carry an incessant guilt complex that I am somehow responsible to look after my sister like a parent. It has led to a dysfunctional relationship, to say the least. She doesn’t want or need me and has basically told me to drop off the planet. Why in the world I was still trying to drive that stupid car is beyond me. Clearly the message here is to abandon ship. Get out of the loop, and move on. She can take care of herself.
Huredriel said:
Sorry, have read this as I've gone along with it. Would ask the feeling of the man hugging you …… was it familiar like Dad? If so, would suggest he is watching from above …… if not, that it is either a guide or essence of spirit/God.
Yes, whether God allowed my dad’s spirit or an angel or guide I don’t know…but it was the essence of male love and protection; of acknowledgment of me being loved and cared for by someone strong and in control.
Huredriel said:
You've also said that your mum has now just got back in touch again. Whilst the dream to me does state that there is a need for connection ……. I would take it that this is to be for your own healing purposes (yes, be selfish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) ….. Not necessarily to re-connect as a loving family. To be able to learn from the past, heal those cycles and NOT repeat them ……… if of the throat chakra/control issues …… then to stand up for yourself as an individual ……. Vocally as well as physically …… can be a very scary prospect, especially when one is not used to doing so. You must only take responsibility for yourself, not for your mum or sister ……. Sounds as if they play on being in victim mode and manipulate that ……. Which can play havoc for those that try to deal with things from a gentle & loving heart! Not easy if these are the lessons ahead but I know you can & will get through them with as much grace & dignity as possible
Hugs & also thanks for letting me interp on this, as it's great for my learning too!!!
Your advice is excellent! I agree with you that I have to break the cycle. This dream really seems to show me the need to move on. I already feel like a wound has been drained and can heal, just from going through this dream and all of the insights given to me by you…and others who have shared their thoughts.
I feel this dream and the interpretations will be something to guide me forward into healing.
Thank you so much for the time and energy you took on helping me, Huredriel!!
indigo rose
