Part two:
My interpret:
You have not yet made a disicion wether to go back and meet the "boats" confrontation, or let them come to you, awaiting the situation to develope. You´re stuck in the situation trying to make up your mind by thinking with the heart and feel with your thourghts (that´s a "no can do ").
The situation is uneasy, you can´t lay your thourghts to rest, it really bugs you.
It doesn´t say which of you did the final breaking up - but I think you left, only half done. The time and energy you put in the realationship either wasn´t enough or wasn´t appreciatet.
You still have a lot to talk about concerning your time together, maybe some "why?"s that has not been asked, answered or understood.
It could be you´ve spend some time blaming him why it all went wrong, neclecting your own responsibillities and actions involved, since it´s passing out, you should have gained a better perspective in this, realizing it takes 2 to tango. Even in a bad realtionship it still takes 2.
The goal is still not clear, it´s uneasy, you can´t put your thourghts to rest - you might even stress over this - not knowing what to do and what you want out of it.
You´re being hard on yourself, you wanted everything to be perfect, and now you blame yourself. I sence a struggle within, you want someone to blame to answer the "why?" - since you can´t all together blame him for it, you blame yourself.
Next stop is to release all these heavy thourghts piercing your heart, it was a bad breakup, and that´s in the past - the future should be cleansed - you can´t change it, only learn to live with it as a part of your life allready lived.
The way you see yourself is having no disillusions, the tower did tumble. You´re experiencing a small chaos in life, trying to clean out the ruins - some days you feel an unbearing loss with no perspective of what to do about it - other days you have the strength to get rid of the broken bricks and what´s still standing of your foundation in life.
Your invirement is also left in conflict to your situation. Some think you´re stuck and that you should get on - and maybe the same ones are afraid that you´ll move to fast not before dealing with the past.
You have a loving invirement, looking out for you, caring and concerned about what will happen to you.
Your hopes are that your surroundings will come to an understanding of your feelings, that you´ll regain your trust in life and in other people. I sence that that´s also your fears - not quite willing to go through the pain to regain that trust and understanding. You know the process is hurting, maybe that´s why you´re having such a hard time starting it.
I see Queen of P as you (mind this is all wrong if queen is not queen). You could end up being stuck in this situation for a long time ahead, emotions blocked, pretending everything is fine, letting others to quess how you really feel about things.
So what did I answer ? I drew 8 Cups rev.:
You just wanna leave everything behind, but for some reason you don´t. And that could be the right choice.
Something inside you is telling you that this isn´t over just yet - open your mind and listen to that voice - it is telling you what you´re missing to make a closeure and start fresh.
I think the spread is telling you, to use your meeting to clear things out - make a closeure. Maybe you know what the spread is saying now
I hope so anyway, by the way I´ve used the waite deck for this.
Wether I´m on or off target here - I wish you happiness and love for the future, may your inner guide lead you through this hard time you´re having
