Hard life

[214red]

One of the hardest thing about spirituality for me is melding it into everyday life, trying not to judge, trying not to manifest negative thoughts/actions/words, meditation and mindfulness etc

Sometimes its simply hard knowing some things, holding on to that.

There are times when you are holding onto something that is your light at the end of a very dark and draining tunnel, and you look at the light and see it flickering, your doubt makes you see the flame change and flicker, but in reality the flame is strong. In those dark times we know there is a lesson to learn, we know there is an experience to go through, but it doesn’t keep you warm at night as they say. So sometimes because what we know is intangible (its not provable to the outside world) we have to wait, and the message from spirit is always, have patience, trust….but again it doesn’t keep you warm at night…lol

When it happens of course its great, but the waiting, the holding on, the simply being takes its toll sometimes, its hard. Not being able to share that knowledge/guidence is also difficult, not being able to say 'don’t worry about that because in 3 months it wont matter' or 'don’t worry about me, I know in 2 weeks time everything will come together'

Sorry its rambling, but am in that type of mood today. Anyone else sometimes get like this, sometimes just tired

 

[jcwirish]

Wow, I can really relate to this. Things have never been as hard, uncertain and stressful for me as they have in the last two years. That being said, I've also never learned as much or grown so much spiritually. These tough times are what brought me back to tarot and got me writing again, but they aren't over yet, and honestly, I'm getting very tired of feeling so fragile and on edge.

I know this is a very pivotal time for me and for my growth. Clearly I still have lessons to learn and trust to build, but I'm exhausted from worry. I work so hard at keeping my trust and exercising patience.

I know things will get better and that there is a reason for the tough times, but sometimes I wonder about my own strength. I want to continue to grow, and I love those moments of clarity that come more often to me now, but I also just want to stop and take a breath. I so want peace of mind and a break from the stresses of this life. I need some breathing room. I wish I was at that place where I was so completely trusting that I'll be okay regardless of what's happening around me.

 

[JSNYC]

Anyone else sometimes get like this...?

Yes! At least I could identify with everything you said.

One of the hardest thing about spirituality for me is melding it into everyday life.

As Lillie said in another thread, if it doesn't work in the real world, the world we live in everyday, then it doesn't work. Its true, we know its true, it makes more sense than anything else... But does it make sense to anyone else, or does it work in the really real world...

However, my situation may be a little different. I am waiting now, but I know what I am waiting for, it is defined and has a timeline. But I hate waiting! I fear it as much as I am anxious for it, probably more fear, possibly even dread. I feel like I am turning my back on something that I really do not want to. I didn't ask for this... did I?

Sometimes its simply hard knowing some things, holding on to that.

Especially when you constantly question what it is exactly that you are holding onto... I rewrote this post many times and I still don't think it says what I want it to say. I never feel like I am able say what I want to say... The words get in the way.

 

[214red]

Yes! At least I could identify with everything you said.

As Lillie said in another thread, if it doesn't work in the real world, the world we live in everyday, then it doesn't work. Its true, we know its true, it makes more sense than anything else... But does it make sense to anyone else, or does it work in the really real world...

However, my situation may be a little different. I am waiting now, but I know what I am waiting for, it is defined and has a timeline. But I hate waiting! I fear it as much as I am anxious for it, probably more fear, possibly even dread. I feel like I am turning my back on something that I really do not want to. I didn't ask for this... did I?

Especially when you constantly question what it is exactly that you are holding onto... I rewrote this post many times and I still don't think it says what I want it to say. I never feel like I am able say what I want to say... The words get in the way.

i know the feeling, i had a hard time writing the post and likely its not jointed.

I have timelines too, but am impatient and hate waiting, and sometimes it doesnt help you feel better.

thanks for the reply, made me feel better

 

[JSNYC]

I have found that meditation does help with peace of mind and clarity, at least to some extent, as you mentioned in your post. Also learning to live in the present is essential for me. However, the books that I have read that use the term "mindfulness", although generally "accurate", were not of a lot of help. Have you attained "access concentration" or the first jnana? Ironically, I think I was able to sustain the first jnana for a little while for the first time last night. I have been "bouncing off" it for a while. (Jnana will be called different things based on the path, but since you mentioned mindfulness I assumed Buddhist meditation.)

I recently received the Visuddhimagga and Adhidhammattha Sangaha, but at about 1,350 pages combined, these are going to take a while to get through. I thought about asking on the board to see if there was any interest, but based on other posts it didn't appear there is, at least not at this depth.

Do you meditate jcwirish? I could relate to your post but on a little less personal level. My Grandma was the queen of worry, and my Mom certainly inherited it. She can't help herself, but she is usually good about recognizing when she does it. I am certainly not totally without that "gene". I get the impression from your post that it will end when you understand that you will be OK, not the other way around. But if it got you writing again it can't be all bad.

thanks for the reply, made me feel better

Me as well, glad to see you decided to stay too.

ETA:
Just thinking about this post, I think it may be what you mentioned in your first post, 214red. Those things that make sense, but...

 

[HOLMES]

ah it is hard

we are spiritual beings having a human experience and that humanity and its weakness can bring us down.
sometimes that tunnel can be so long when we are humanly weak to walk it.
i was there last week in fact feeling depressed and like the path of light was so long and hard.
i brought some incense and slowl burning it, and put on some mediation music and gospel and then some christmas music.

it doens't matter how long it takes us after we fall off a horse as long as we recover and get back on and start riding towards that light again, even if we have the headless horseman on our heels

 

[jcwirish]

JSNYC, I don't get to meditate very often. I know it would be really beneficial to me, but I am almost always accompanied by a 5 year old. I'm going to try and find more time for meditation in my life.

I do focus on living in the moment, and I try to let go of those things that I have no control over. I am able to utilize these principals to deal with the stresses of everyday life, but it's when we have potentially huge upheavals heading our way, that a lot of what I've learned goes out the window.

It seems like the last two years have been a constant barrage of life altering experiences, and now we potentially face another one in the next few weeks. My resources are fairly tapped. I have good days when I feel hopeful and I trust that things will turn out as they are meant to. I wish I could learn to maintain this more positive attitude. I do the best I can, but when my fears creep up, I lose the battle and the anxiety and stress take over. I know it's not healthy or productive, but I still struggle with managing these swings of the emotional pendulum.

 

[re-pete-a]

OOOH YEAH !

That feeling is known oh so well.

But lucky me, an INCIDENT happened and a set of guide lines were handed to me from spirit.

The first being .

LET GO !

Let it be what it is, worrisome , or whatever. Knowing it , releasing it, to be exactly what it is.

GIVE IN.

Allow it to have it's way . Don't resist in any way . Regardless of consequences.


HAVE COURAGE.

Because that is what is required to have faith in your chosen beliefs. To trust that whatever is presented, is presented for and as part of your growth.

AND.
TRUST ME.
Me being your chosen one, weather it be any of your deities or guides or whatever.
In my case, spirit.

These guidelines will not alter anything , but they do keep one warm at night.
A personal re assurance that there's a purpose to everything. For me it has helped me walk through the gates of hell, shit scared and frightened, but with the courage to be able to put one foot in front of the other. Rattled , bedraggled, and the worst for wear after the experiences but still intact mentally and spiritually. It even helps one to face deaths door knock. Hence the avatar's inscription on my posts avatar.

Like most here it's not known what sort of things are on their way to be dealt with ,but , it sure helps to have that key that unlocks the spiritual first aide box.

 

[214red]

Luckily i do trust, i dont trust my guides i trust spirit as a whole that work with me. my guides ask me just to trust, simply that, and to know they love me unconditionally.
I did some trance yesterday and got an angel come through which really surprised me as i dont communicate with angels often, am happy with my guides. it made me laugh when they said they found it funny i dont call on them, most people love angels but i stick with my guides, they asked me to call on them more than i do, because they like helping too, and even if i dont my guides call on them for me too.

The best thing about the session lastnight was it was reassuring me about a few things, and thanking me for trusting spirit. It was a welcome tonic to how i was feeling last week.

thanks for the replies, its nice to know that its not just me that hit these bumps in the road.

remember meditation can take place in baths, showers, onthe toilet, walking, washing up....always can be combine with your life

 

[jcwirish]

OOOH YEAH !

That feeling is known oh so well.

But lucky me, an INCIDENT happened and a set of guide lines were handed to me from spirit.

The first being .

LET GO !

Let it be what it is, worrisome , or whatever. Knowing it , releasing it, to be exactly what it is.

GIVE IN.

Allow it to have it's way . Don't resist in any way . Regardless of consequences.


HAVE COURAGE.

Because that is what is required to have faith in your chosen beliefs. To trust that whatever is presented, is presented for and as part of your growth.

AND.
TRUST ME.
Me being your chosen one, weather it be any of your deities or guides or whatever.
In my case, spirit.

These guidelines will not alter anything , but they do keep one warm at night.
A personal re assurance that there's a purpose to everything. For me it has helped me walk through the gates of hell, shit scared and frightened, but with the courage to be able to put one foot in front of the other. Rattled , bedraggled, and the worst for wear after the experiences but still intact mentally and spiritually. It even helps one to face deaths door knock. Hence the avatar's inscription on my posts avatar.

Like most here it's not known what sort of things are on their way to be dealt with ,but , it sure helps to have that key that unlocks the spiritual first aide box.

I think I'm going to take this post and carve it into stone so I can read it whenever I want.

re-pete-a, thanks for your wise words. This post helped me so much. Something clicked when I read it and I am feeling a whole lot better now.

Scary or not, we'll get through it.