In honor of Miss Cleo&#39s new Lawsuit: Let&#39s all be readin&#39 like Miss Cleo Contest!

Thirteen

Two rules:

1) You gotta be talkin' like Miss Cleo when you read those cards there.
2) You only gets to use the court cards--cause dey dee only cards we ever see her readin'

Three Card spread. Whoever does the best/funniest immitation, wins.
 

blue

Thirteen:

You are cold!

And you've got some other really interesting qualities too!
 

divinerguy

Oh yah Missy,

You best be watchin for dat gran jury summons, you know da kine I'm talkin bout.

Tee hee,

Gary
 

Diana

Oh dear, I can't join in. We don't get Miss Cleo's show in Switzerland, nor do we have anything like it.
But we do get the Jerry Springer Show retransmitted once a week - it's just as mind expanding as what Miss Cleo's show sounds like. Now you're all thinking - where's the connection, what's she talking about - ???

Actually, there's no connection (or I don't think so). But I just wanted to join in the fun.
 

blue

Diana;

You actually get Jerry Springer in Switzerland!?!

God, it?s good to know that we Americans really are the ambassadors of global harmony!
Makes me proud to be a 'merican.
 

january

MC: Hi, baby, can I have your name and birtday?

QUERANT: I'm Polly, July 4, 1974. I'm wondering about my relationship....

MC: Listen to me baby, you got da Knight of Wands here. Dat's no good. He be goin' behind your back. You know dis, right?

QUERANT: No way! No!!!

MC: Dis woman, from his office. I see dat right here, Queen of Swords. She very big on da top, and she be wearing dose short little skirts, you know what I'm talkin' bout!

QUERANT: Oh my god, I can't beleive he would do that!!

MC: Yeah, baby. He's no good. Get ridda him. But we know you haven't been bein' so good yourself!

QUERANT Uhhh....
.
MC: Don't lie to me Missy! Dere's dis other man, from your past. Right here, da King of Swords. You know who I'm talkin' about. Tall, thin, has dat little bald spot going on up here (circles her head with her finger). He be comin' around again? You been seein' him. Well, he be goin' to jail soon.

QUERANT: Oh my God, no way! I can't beleive you saw that!

MC: Baby, I see everytin'. You can't be hidin' from Miss Cleo! But dis man, he not guilty. No. Some udder man - right here. the Knight of Wands . He be short, blond curly hair, likes to bite da fingernails.... He's da one who took da money, not your man.

Querant: Oh my god, really? He's innocent!!??

MC: Yes says right here. He do 2 monts, dats it. But baby, there's sometin' else here. You been hidin' sometin!

QUERANT: Well...

MC: Don't be lyin' to Miss Cleo! I see dat right here in front of me. Da cards don't lie. Page of Wands. You DO know what I'm talkin' bout?

QUERANT: Yeah...

MC: You weren't bein' careful. No. Dis is sometin' you shoulda known better 'bout.

QUERANT: Yeah, I know.

MC: YOU KNOW? Well, you shoulda known dat 'bout tree monts ago. And dis baby is from a tird man...

QUERANT: Well, I....

MC: Yeah, baby. Da Knight of Cups. He da one you been seein' at work. Right?

QUERANT: Oh my God I thought it was him!!!

MC: So you gotta take care yerself, rid rid of dat man, go wit da other man and forget about da tird man... he be married. I love you, baby!

QUERANT: I love you too, Miss Cleo!










Thirteen
26 Jan 2002

ROFLMAO!

January, you ROCK!

For those of you not in the know about the infamous Miss Cleo, January has just presented a dead-on immitation of her commercials. It's so on target, it's wearing Miss Cleo's headscarf and bangles.

Quote:january (27 Jan, 2002 04:33):
MC: Baby, I see everytin'. You can't be hidin' from Miss Cleo! But dis man, he not guilty. No. Some udder man - right here. the Knight of Wands . He be short, blond curly hair, likes to bite da fingernails.... He's da one who took da money, not your man.

Querant: Oh my god, really? He's innocent!!??


This is my favorite part! It had me laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face.








january
26 Jan 2002

Now, don't be lyin' to me Tirteen! You bin makin' fun of Miss Cleo, too! But dat's okay... you kin still call for yer free Tarot readin'!!! Oh, but I'm seein' da King of Pentacles... so I'll be needin' dat credit card for dat FREE tarot readin'!

Glad I had you laughing!

~ january








Kaz
26 Jan 2002

January, You crack me up, we don't have her, but i get the idea.

Kaz








Jeanette
26 Jan 2002

HA! There's no way I could compete with January, that was hilarious! That was too funny........ tell another one, please?








tarotbear
27 Jan 2002

January --THAT'S THE BEST DAMN MEEES KLEO I'VE READ! No need to have another entrant-- I think January wins this contest hands down!

Note: all you people whom have never been blessed by Mees Kleo - she delivers all these lines like she is reading the Bible. She is not 'trying' to be funny--she takes herself VERY ,VERY seriously!!

Still laughing.........








Scorpion
27 Jan 2002

Oh, please PLEASE let there be a British television producer just happening to visit this site - we NEED her here! We have the world's most uptight and sombre TV advertising (there's an occasional glimpse of the real world in compilations on the subject, but nothing changes).

Yup, we get Jerry Springer too and it occurs to me that if Jerry and Miss Cleo teamed up for a show together it would more than bring the house down! The participants wouldn't even need to be there!!!

January, I think there might be an opening for you in the comedy world! Keep it coming!!!








divinerguy
27 Jan 2002

Ditto for January. You got your winner.

Gary








tarotbear
27 Jan 2002

MC: An' be careful of dat tird man, mon - he got de herpes!








bec
27 Jan 2002

hehe,
so that?s Miss Cleo :D

I had the set in mind recalling one once called her something like a biiig black jamaican wumaan and now january?s call on it - hehehehe



SO Thirteen, what?s January?s price ?????? She has won you know ;)








Thirteen
27 Jan 2002

Quote:bec (28 Jan, 2002 05:18):

SO Thirteen, what?s January?s price ?????? She has won you know ;)

Why, a free, yes, that's right FREE! reading from Miss Cleo, of course. ;D








january
27 Jan 2002

Wow, thanks everyone!!! (January takes a bow then removes headscarf and beads, exposing an... IMPOSTER!!)

Hmm... why doesn't Jerry Springer get a Miss Cleo readin'? What would she reveal to us about Mr. Fifteen Minutes of Shame? Anyone want to try?

~ january

PS: Yah, Tarotbear, dat tird man? He be standin' in line at da free clinic...








amyel
27 Jan 2002

You are too funny, J!!! Have you thought about a career in show biz????








arizonagirl
27 Jan 2002

January!!! Go, girl.








kayne
28 Jan 2002

Oh! So funny! :D ;D :D

We get Jerry Springer in Australia too... and Ricky Lake. But Americans have to suffer through The Bush Tucker Man so I think that is a fair swap.

Now... Miss Cleo reading for the Bush Tucker Man I would like to see...

:cool: K








Geenius at Wrok
28 Jan 2002

Incidentally, if you've ever heard a real Jamaican accent (which is almost unintelligible to the average American), it's painfully yet hilariously obvious how fake Miss Cleo's is. She's like a radio announcer doing a spot for an upcoming reggae festival. Even in her commercials, she slips up constantly.








The In honor of Miss Cleo&#39s new Lawsuit: Let&#39s all be readin&#39 like Miss Cleo Contest! thread was originally posted on 25 Jan 2002 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.
 

Thirteen

ROFLMAO!

January, you ROCK!

For those of you not in the know about the infamous Miss Cleo, January has just presented a dead-on immitation of her commercials. It's so on target, it's wearing Miss Cleo's headscarf and bangles.

Quote:january (27 Jan, 2002 04:33):
MC: Baby, I see everytin'. You can't be hidin' from Miss Cleo! But dis man, he not guilty. No. Some udder man - right here. the Knight of Wands . He be short, blond curly hair, likes to bite da fingernails.... He's da one who took da money, not your man.

Querant: Oh my god, really? He's innocent!!??


This is my favorite part! It had me laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face.
 

january

Now, don't be lyin' to me Tirteen! You bin makin' fun of Miss Cleo, too! But dat's okay... you kin still call for yer free Tarot readin'!!! Oh, but I'm seein' da King of Pentacles... so I'll be needin' dat credit card for dat FREE tarot readin'!

Glad I had you laughing!

~ january
 

Kaz

January, You crack me up, we don't have her, but i get the idea.

Kaz
 

Jeanette

HA! There's no way I could compete with January, that was hilarious! That was too funny........ tell another one, please?