Moon compatibility in synastry, is it really that important?

[Assena]

I would like to ask everyone, what do you think about compatible moons in synastry? Do you really think they make a relationship easier? Not so compatible moons, do they mean disaster? I know also aspects have something to do on how smooth the relationship-friendship can go, I have some examples:

First couple Sun in Libra Moon in Cancer with Sun in Gemini Moon in Taurus, Moons sextile in synastry.

Now we have both suns and moons being compatible, suns make it easy to handle each other, they are both air, not so emotional and prefer to analize feelings, the moons make them feel a special connection between each other, even though their relationship has never been easy or smooth, I can say it has been quite tumultuous, Libra sun always complaining that Gemini sun is emotionless and unable to express affection.

Second couple Sun in Taurus Moon in Cancer with Sun in Cancer Moon in Taurus, Moons sextile in synastry.

Again both suns and moons are compatible, share a good aspect in synastry but it has not been an easy friendship, they do not always understand each other, Taurus sun is dominant over Cancer sun, wants to be always on the winning side, but yes, they understand and support each other in some way even though their synastry has many hard aspects.

Have you ever saw a synastry between not so compatible moons acting in some way smooth to each other? Do you think moons have to be compatible in order for a friendhiop-relationship to stand in good and bad times?

 

[Ronia]

Yes, they are important because they represent basic expectations and instinctual nature and those are deal breakers. Having said that, I have a couple of remarks. First, stroong Moons are moody, changeable, with a sense of entitlement and with very high expectations. I happen to have one of those too,so I put myself in the same group. Both Moons you have cited are such. Often, IMO, Moon in Cancer is the worse as her changeability is brought to the fore and knows no limits (if there is no restraining force in the natal). People oftenforget that Moon is about change not only about emotions, instincts,etc. Much less so about anything romantic, IMO.

Second, there is no synastry to promise a relationship and even less so - a happy or easy one. There is no such thing. And yes, I have seen many many challenging synastries working in the long term. I see no difference actually in the ratio between smooth looking and challenging synastries in terms of end result. Partly, this is because each synastry has at least one problematic aspect and each natal - more than one. Partly,because a smooth synastry lacks excitement and if in the natal of any given partner this is obviously needed and desired, the relationship is done.

And third, no matter how the Suns and Moons aspect each other, it will take just one square or opposition between important planets in any natal to turn the whole thing into endless series of petty arguments which sooner than later will exhaust the initial attraction (Mars square Mercury or Sun very often plays out like that, Mercury Venus as well). Or a square or opposition with Saturn and we have a beautiful couple on the surface while beneath it an immense tension builds up, resentment, rebellion, etc. To the point where it explodes. And so on, and so on.

 

[Minderwiz]

I agree with much of what Ronia says. The key things to remember are that house placements are far more important than sign placements. Yes, signs modify the planet to a significant extent but the area of life in which it manifests is determined by the house that it is placed in and the house(s) that it rules.

Secondly there are seven major planets (and if you want a host of minor ones). The all contribute to the nature of the nativity and thus they all contribute to inter personal relationships (or lack of them). You cannot come up with an accurate judgement about a nativity or the way two people relate without taking into account those two factors. Ascendant, Moon and Sun may be the three major factors but they are not the sole factors and as Ronia said a hard aspect between two planets, especially ones that rule or are placed in the seventh or the fifth may destroy any favourable relationship between Suns, Moons and Ascendants.

 

[Assena]

Thank you both for your answers, I have been reading lately how important is moon compatibility that it made me think, so what's going on in the synastry of those couples who have incompatible moons? How are planets, houses and aspects helping them? Recently I met two couples from who I asked their sun signs (didn't want to ask the birth time too because I had just met them and I know sun sign is not enough but it just catched my attention and I wished I knew their birthday and birth time) Sun in Libra - Sun in Pisces and Sun in Libra - Sun in Cancer, and I just thought, how can it be possible for them to be married after a couple of years and have a family? Since most books make sun sign moon sign compatibility a must for keeping a relationship, they have made me think that incompatibility is a big no, no, and if you have it, it will just end badly.

I was so curious about their full natal chart and synastry and how they blended, the houses where the plantes fall, the aspects, everything as a whole.

People often forget that Moon is about change not only about emotions, instincts,etc. Much less so about anything romantic, IMO.

Could you explain me a little more about your opinion on the moon? I have been reading about it, but I still can't understand it, so many people talk about the emotions and the moon and I see it more like a contained planet, a part of the personality that comes out when forced, because the moon relates to the inner self, that part that everyone can't see.

The key things to remember are that house placements are far more important than sign placements.

Is there a book I can read about the houses more in deep? Suggestions in how I can understand better the houses? I think most books don't give the houses enough importance but more to planets in the signs and aspects.

 

[Ronia]

Well, think about the tides the Moon rules. It's comings and goings. She is also the most often changing face on the sky, each few hours. My own understanding of the Moon doesn't come from one book and is partly influenced by older texts which I started reading in relation to horary astrology. And then from practice and from observing my own Moon and how it plays out. It is about instincts and emotions, the most basic ones and often the ones we don't show readily because tney leave us exposed and vulnerable. But she is also about change just like life is a constant change, movement. And as Minderwiz says, which house she is in will show in which are of life her characteristics will be brought to the fore. Many consider the Moon in man's chart to describe his ideal wife, I don't share this opinion but it is viable. In this sense she does represent romance or romantic if we assume the man is into romance at all. To me she is much more about home, family and parenting, and when you think about it this is an area of lige which always changes - we are babies, children,youth all the way to being parents and grandparents ourselves. In short, I consider the Moon mostly in terms of instincts and the intimate emotions, home life, family and parenting, and the inclination of a person to readily and willingly change and bring changes to other people's lives, for better or worse.

 

[Minderwiz]

Is there a book I can read about the houses more in deep? Suggestions in how I can understand better the houses? I think most books don't give the houses enough importance but more to planets in the signs and aspects.

The very essence of horoscopic Astrology is the houses and ignoring them is extremely dangerous. That's why the time and place of birth are so important.

The best book on houses is quite a short one. It's The Houses: Temples in the Sky by Deborah Houlding.

There are longer ones, including a really thick tome by Howard Sasportas but you will get the essence of the houses from Houlding.

 

[Thunder]

Comptiable Moon signs are very important in synastry, yes, but as Ronia and Minderwiz said there are a lot of things you should have in mind, it's not that simple. In my opinion if two partnes have compitable Sun-Moon aspects that's even better than Moon-Moon aspects, because it means that the basic needs of the Moon person are being represented by the Sun person. For example: I have Moon in Capricorn, I need stability and structure (and ofk a couple of other things) and Capricorns if we talk about archetypes, are stable and structured. The other two earth signs have this feature in slighty different manner, too.
Sometimes you might see people in happy relationship but they don't have compitable Moon or Sun signs. Then you are wondering what's happening. For example: Moon in Capricorn and Moon in Gemini. Then you should see the natal charts of the two parntes. Actually if I want to be correct I think every synastry report should be made after the astrologer had a good look at the natal charts of the partners. In the one natal chart you might see that the one person has Moon in Capricorn, yes, but trine to Mercury, that gives the individual some emotional needs with Mercurian nature. It gives the person some level of emotional understanding about the nature of Mercury (and partly the ruled signs by him).

You do the same about the other partner and see if this Moon in Gemini doesn't have some connection with Saturn in the natal chart, because that changes things a lot. This Moon in Gemini could have some level of emotional understanding about Saturn or just the person has some emotional needs that are not associated with Gemini, but are consequence of the aspecs of the Moon in the natal chart.
Of course this is not all, there are a lot of other things about synastry that should be kept in mind.

 

[Minderwiz]

Actually if I want to be correct I think every synastry report should be made after the astrologer had a good look at the natal charts of the partners.

That is quite correct. Indeed synastry without looking at the natal charts is virtually pointless. In principle your natal analyses should be enough and the synastry report could be dispensed with, as you should already know the answer.

In practice synastry is a good way of checking whether you've missed something or being able to highlight key points.