Just post your question with any background info included that i may need to know about.
Wow, you've hit on so many points. You describe my emotional state so well. In a nutshell, this has been my life.
So...I'll want to stick things out??
I do feel like I can sink into a depression. It happens in waves. I feel low and then I pick myself up and say, "Come on, girl, snap out of it." I'm denying my feelings. I keep them tucked away in my heart because I don't see what good they'd do to let them out. But, shit, I want to break free, move in another direction and then the fear stops me in my tracks. All the 'what ifs' play in my head...and here I am, four years later. And yes, I blame myself. Every night before I go to sleep, I review my day and these feelings, this sadness, is still there. It's as if I don't know what I'm supposed to do about them. Even if J got a job, even if life went back to 'normal' or whatever 'normal' is, a part of me doesn't care. I almost want him to get a job so that I can walk away and know he'll be okay. It's crazy. And even as I write this, I feel so guilty, because yes, I do love him. How can I throw away all the years I've spent with him, all the things we've shared and built together? You know, I'm actually disappointed that I'll want to stick things out. Why?? Isn't that stupid??
And then there's another part that can't imagine living without him. I feel selfish. I feel the fear. I worry that no one will ever know me as well as J. I worry that if I leave, it will be a huge mistake. But maybe G is just a distraction. He's a pleasant distraction...he offers some joy in an otherwise, predominantly, joyless place. And that's not entirely true, of course. It's just that...I want something 'more', something 'else'. Every day I tell myself, this is just a phase I'm going through. J tells me this is just a phase I'm going through. But of course he would say that. He's feeling the fear, too...that I'll leave...that I'll fall for G...or some other man. I don't keep anything from him. He knows how I feel but he doesn't *really* know how I feel. He thinks I really like G. This hurts him...and he says he'll change, that he'll find work...but he doesn't...and it's disheartening to have to buy his clothes, cigarettes, alcohol, books...whatever he needs or wants. I mean, it's depressing. In the beginning, I didn't make a fuss. I actually enjoyed him being at home, being around, while I was working...and then it became frustrating...especially when I suffered from anxiety and couldn't work for months. I still had to find the funds. Yes, he helped me emotionally...but gosh, I needed him to man up, you know?!
So G comes along...and I see him as a 'man'. That's what I see. I see a man, not a boy...and my head spins. I imagine what life could be like...
These changes you indicate here are expected to happen within the next five days?
Jupiter is in its terms which is not so bad, is also in Saturn's face, and in the duodenary of Pisces, but i'm going to use neptune here for this and not jupiter, and is also weak and cadent by house being in your 12 th house and quesited's 6th. So this means that this (***) is a confusing time for you in regards to what to do, and you're also feeling very restricted in this situation because of the saturn influence here also.
In the 7th house we have mercury which is in a pitted degree, mercury rules the house that your in and also the turned 5th from 7th, this is saying that not much fun is going on here for you, romance wise is not good, intimacy is not good, no much fun, not much socialization.....and this is why your moon is on the star it is. The pitted degree of mercury brings a black hole situation of being stuck and bordering on a depressive state.
Mars is getting ready to move into cancer into its fall, i see this as the decline of things now and the more closer you get to cancer the more you will feel like your just going to crack, emotionally your going to feel overwhelmed and your emotions are going to just flow out from you....at present your like a bubbling pot underneath the surface, that pots nearly getting onto boiling point stage, and will then need to let off steam and let everything out.
Your then going to be feeling very unhappy about things and how they've become, feeling undervalued, unappreciated, probably blaming yourself.....you going to be really angry indeed about things, but more like a frustrated anger, like why have you let yourself get to this stage.
This will be when venus is in conjuncting with uranus, this will be the shock factor that needs to happen.Then also venus will be moving signs into Taurus, this is going to make them feel hurt, frustrated, helpless as of what to do about things after this uranus impact.
Mercury in the 7th would also be that you need to communicate, but there's reluctance here to do this at first, but then mercury reaches the fixed star Algol this is when things are going to erupt, which ties into everything else ive previously said.
Things may get said out of anger, and regret comes after, some home truths may be said which may hurt the other and vice versa, its the bubbling pot that has gone past its boiling point that erupts. There will be a lot of anger that gets released.