Two years is a long time to hold onto that kind of pressure and burden for yourself and a situation. Maybe part of the process is just learning to accept him for all he is, flaws and all, and just.. well, let it all go? It's easier said than done (I know very well as this was something I went through recently too) but if you're not allowing yourself to let go of the past hurts after all of this time, maybe the cards are asking for you to reflect on whether an actual apology will genuinely help ease those wounds.
Best of luck
Its not that I've been holding on to it begrudgingly or anything...its hard to explain...sometimes one can't put in words what is there...now that I'm moving towards someone new it just feels I'm leaving him completely behind and that's why suddenly for last few days I feel this urge to hear from him. He was like family to me so its not a connection you forget or get over in the simple terms it stays with you its like even when you move away from your family they are part of you. Its not an apology will ease the stroke its a realisation of some sorts....its his denial and nonacceptance and acknowledgement in some ways of what it was we had....so maybe apology is not the right word but with this connection I've realised sometimes words are not enough to describe our emotions, sometimes there are emotions that have no words ascribed to them...so there has been a lot of things I've learnt. But this connection goes beyond 'words' in some ways so I cannot express what I want or need from him just that something is there.
Thanks for the feedback Obey. It helps.It's all been very strange admittedly. I keep coming across a reoccurring theme for something that's obstructing my move at this time is needing to deal with something regarding him and I've been chewing on it to try and get a better understanding of what it may be. When I first set out to move I definitely was trying to just use it as a means of cutting and running, leaving basically everything behind and not looking back (which wouldn't be hard since I'm trying to do a coast to coast move). I did have a friend do a reading before regarding this that somehow pointed to us living together. Not as a couple but as friends which I'm still fairly baffled over since we haven't spoken in months, so whether it's dealing with him or the idea of moving together seems weird and unlikely so I'm trying to get a better handle of why the obstructions continue to point back to him. Ive let go of a lot and healed a lot and expect nothing anymore, and not from a place of contempt and exhausting but just genuinely in a perspective of leaving things be and no longer wanting to pick at it.
I do feel like I've already taken the best of things and left the rest behind so I'm not quite sure what other active influence regarding things there could be.
At any rate, if there's suddenly a break through with my move regarding this, I'll be sure to be in touch.
TBH I don't see you two moving in together at least not in the cards I got but I felt you'll be happier place and really healed and manage having him in your life without too much of an attachment to him.
So all in all a good place for you.
Good luck with the move