State of the Friendship


I used the State of the Friendship spread last night and was a little confused by one or two of the cards. Any insight you have would be really appreciated.

Background: I've been best friends with this girl for nine years now. I have social anxiety and she's the only person I really socialise with. Thing is, sometimes I really wonder if I actually like her. She's really blunt and opinionated (very different opinions to mine -- I'm very open-minded, she can be quite prejudiced) and I'm really shy and quiet and find her a bit overbearing. I also used to go out with her brother, eight years ago and he really broke my heart, but she's really tactless and talks about him all the time -- I tried to talk to her about this once but I guess she didn't really get it because she hasn't stopped. I could go on forever because there's a lot of history here but I think that's all you need to know.

1. What the other person thinks/feels about you - Page of Pentacles
This one confused me because this Page is very practical and realistic, and I don't think I'm like that at all. But I guess, this isn't about what *I* think of myself, is it? She's even more of a dreamer than I am, so I guess it's possible that she does think of me as a realistic and practical person. But she's so creatively productive compared to me -- I think about creative things a lot, but rarely get anything done, unlike her.

2. Why they are in YOUR life; what you are to learn from THEM. - Temperance
I think this card is saying that my friendship with her teaches me more about being social and having friends. As I said before, I have social anxiety and I find interacting with people very difficult.

3. Why you are in THEIR life; what they are to learn from YOU. - Ten of Cups
I'm quite an optimistic and calm person (despite the anxiety disorder!) whereas she gets frustrated and angry with little things so I guess I can be a calming influence on her.

4. Attitude adjustment, how you should interact with them, something to consider in dealing with them - The Hanged Man
Even though I get really frustrated/hurt by her ignorance and lack of tact, I very very rarely do anything about it. I let her say the things that bother me and then blame her for how I feel. I tend to think of myself as innocent and put upon, when actually I'm not doing anything to help myself or resolve the situation. I never really thought of things in that way before. This card really was an attitude adjustment!

5. Advice - Knight of Wands
I should speak up for myself and not worry so much about the consequences.

6. Outcome - Nine of Cups
As a result, our friendship will be much happier and satisfying.

Thanks in advance for any insight you might have. Although I've been using tarot cards for years, I've only recently begun to take it more seriously and so I feel like I'm still just a beginner and am not really confident in my readings just yet.