Suggested Methods for Achieving Mental Discipline

[Barleywine]

My sister has been slowly sliding into alcoholism, and recently had a major inspiration to begin fighting it off. She came for a visit after being off her bottle-a-day wine habit for around a week, and I did a "situational" tarot reading for her, with no specific question. The advice for her involved remaining mentally vigilant and focused in order to to fend off the temptation for back-sliding. She isn't a spiritual person (although after today she's a tarot believer ), but she has been struggling to master the degree of mental discipline (and "mind-over-body" control) necessary to bolster her resolve. (I should mention that she is a highly intelligent, hyper-analytical Virgo type who thinks she has OCD - she does obsessive things like counting the number of seconds it takes her toilet to completely flush!) She isn't seeking any kind of mystical or religious affirmation stuff, she wants something she can appreciate rationally.

She said that she is skeptical of the AA approach after attending three meetings, and mentioned alternatives like meditation and yoga. I wasn't sure either one would fit her matter-of-fact style, and she asked me to send her any suggestions for how she might approach it. This isn't an area of expertise for me since I never had to work at it all that hard. Does anyone have suggestions that I can pass on to her?

 

[MissNine]

Hi barleywine

Firstly, good going on your sisters part for making a very life changing and healthy choice to quit alcohol!

I hope some members with personal experience with AA can chime in. From what I know, strength lies in numbers, which is why programs like AA are very important. Support is what someone needs and finds when quitting alcohol or anything, including codependence (al anon).

I can speak for OCD, as I'm diagnosed with it. OCD will cause her to ruminate more when her anxiety level goes up. Due to her body's dependence on alcohol, she's going to be feeling physical withdrawal symptoms, such as racing heart, which will up the anxiety and make the obsessions increase and thus, cause the compulsions to increase. If it were me, I'd try my best to get out and burn some calories and frustration out.

 

[Barleywine]

Hi barleywine

Firstly, good going on your sisters part for making a very life changing and healthy choice to quit alcohol!

I hope some members with personal experience with AA can chime in. From what I know, strength lies in numbers, which is why programs like AA are very important. Support is what someone needs and finds when quitting alcohol or anything, including codependence (al anon).

I can speak for OCD, as I'm diagnosed with it. OCD will cause her to ruminate more when her anxiety level goes up. Due to her body's dependence on alcohol, she's going to be feeling physical withdrawal symptoms, such as racing heart, which will up the anxiety and make the obsessions increase and thus, cause the compulsions to increase. If it were me, I'd try my best to get out and burn some calories and frustration out.

Thanks! It's the "group-think" communalism of AA that she finds objectionable, as well as the expectation that she would have to do some "cheer-leading" as she advances in her recovery. This isn't a person who is easily led. Your last words of advice are good ones. I suggested to her that an addictive personality might successfully shift the focus of her behavior to a less harmful form of gratification. Our brother was a hard-core alcoholic for years, but went the AA route with good results. He is still never seen without a glass in his hand at a party, but it's no longer alcoholic, just one of his arcane fruit-juice-and-seltzer concoctions.

 

[Zephyros]

I've been to a few twelve steps groups, although not alcoholism, and have had mixed results. The twelve steps system is built on the premise that a person has given up on solving their problems on their own. The logic of this is that if a person could stop their addiction alone, it wouldn't be an addiction. There's a lot of ingrained resistance to this, and this is understandable but it is also part of the addiction, part of the denial of thinking that whatever problem you have can be dealt with alone and has nothing to do with other parts of your life. But many times the symptom of the addiction is only just that, and the addiction itself goes much deeper and has consequences that are more far-reaching.

The "cheer-leading" part can be annoying but its purpose is to take the person outside themselves, to get them involved in others' lives and thus contribute actively to their own recovery. I recommend your sister try a multitude of things, but also keep going to the meetings even if she can't/won't do the actual step work. In fact, at the beginning of every twelve step meeting it is announced that it is recommended one attends at least six meetings at first and then see where that takes you. At other points of the meeting each member shares something they did for their recovery that week, and even attending a meeting is seen as an achievement.

So, you know, attending the meetings is in itself a matter of discipline and if your sister has admitted she has a problem, the next step may very well be taking responsibility for that announcement and finding help, in essence, admitting she can't do it alone.

As for all the "higher power" stuff, that doesn't have to be anything religious. It can be one's Will, or Self, or determination to succeed or anything else. Each member chooses their own higher power although I admit that's a difficult pill to swallow. However, it's also important, since the illusion of control is also part of the addiction. Plus, the admission that once a person has made a commitment to recovery then things will change, and an addiction isn't something you just get better from and then put it aside.

So I think that part of the mental discipline in your question is the idea of letting go and coming to terms with the reality of the situation. As for actual techniques, sometimes finding a different addiction is the answer. Joining a gym, for example. Done right, working out involves great discipline, eating six times a day, watching protein intake and the like and once you get on that horse, then you know that drinking heavily one day means a bad workout the next.

 

[Barleywine]

The last thing I'm going to do is preach at her; my AA-attuned brother has already done enough of that. This is a tough-minded woman who hasn't fallen into the deep end yet, so she's not seeking any kind of support system, unless it's a small-group scenario - one or two other people rather than a whole community. Right now she's asking herself the tough questions, which is where she's looking for insight on how to stay focused. She quit smoking in the same way.

 

[RiverRunsDeep]

Just saw this, Barleywine. I have no experience with AA, but I have more than a passing acquaintance with the wine bottle. I have a few suggestions; most of them are of the "substitution" variety, replacing alcohol with something that is ultimately healthier.

I firmly agree with others who have posted about the benefit of exercise. Physical activity provides such an adrenalin rush and a sense of accomplishment. As a person becomes more fit and is able to achieve more, there is a personal sense of pride in setting and reaching fitness goals that are impossible to achieve if one is suffering the after-effects of a night of drinking.

Is your sister goal oriented in terms of mental activities? She could replace her evening wine drinking with a goal of......reading so many pages of a book, spending a certain amount of time on journaling, or working on crossword puzzles, etc. These are difficult goals to accomplish with a wine-fuzzed mind!

Not sure if your sister likes to indulge in "girly" stuff, but if I don't want to give in to the urge to drink, I sometimes distract myself with a "reward", such as soaking in a bubble path or painting my toenails.

I am also a fan of mantras. They don't need to be religious, spiritual or woo-woo. They can be very straightforward and matter of fact statements that are meditated upon as needed. Something like, "I am a strong, determined woman, and I am in control of what I do".

One more suggestion: I tend to be a visual person, so I like to collect photos of people/places/things that inspire me to be stronger. One example: I have a journal in which I keep track of my daily workouts, and I keep photos of my favorite female fitness competitors and athletes in it as well. When I look at their photos, I am inspired to stick with my exercise program and make healthier choices.

Not sure if any of that helps. I completely understand your sister's reluctance to do the small group thing. I'd much rather work at my own "stuff" by myself. If I think of anything else, I'll come back and share. Best wishes to your sister.

 

[re-pete-a]

My sister has been slowly sliding into alcoholism, and recently had a major inspiration to begin fighting it off. She came for a visit after being off her bottle-a-day wine habit for around a week, and I did a "situational" tarot reading for her, with no specific question. The advice for her involved remaining mentally vigilant and focused in order to to fend off the temptation for back-sliding. She isn't a spiritual person (although after today she's a tarot believer ), but she has been struggling to master the degree of mental discipline (and "mind-over-body" control) necessary to bolster her resolve. (I should mention that she is a highly intelligent, hyper-analytical Virgo type who thinks she has OCD - she does obsessive things like counting the number of seconds it takes her toilet to completely flush!) She isn't seeking any kind of mystical or religious affirmation stuff, she wants something she can appreciate rationally.

She said that she is skeptical of the AA approach after attending three meetings, and mentioned alternatives like meditation and yoga. I wasn't sure either one would fit her matter-of-fact style, and she asked me to send her any suggestions for how she might approach it. This isn't an area of expertise for me since I never had to work at it all that hard. Does anyone have suggestions that I can pass on to her?

I had a friend pop in the other day...He is dealing with his mature son's addictions to hard stuff...

He made up a saying that really nailed it...according to me...

Lets see if I can remember it ... because it may be helpful for your sister to mull over, seeing she likes to get right into things mentally....

He said:

"It's funny how some people prefer to end their lives rather than give up the causes of their suffering.."


Inferring that they know the addictions will ruin their lives... but don't/won't do anything about them...


In answer ,I told him.
A lot of that sort of stuff is deemed by the sufferer to be bigger and more powerful than they are...
YET...
They are the creators of the power loaned to the problem...They are the ruler of where their minds are at...They are the ones constantly supporting the power of the problem...by giving it vast amounts of their own power ...

Without that mental support, there is NOTHING....


Here's another little something that just may add weight to the above....

Withdrawals are the product of the "undecided mind"....it's the gray area between WILL and WONT...

The place where the swinging mind is caught like a pendulum ...back and forth ...forever...until a firm decision is made ,one way or the other....DECIDE ...but don't sit on the fence of sufferings....waiting for inspirations...Decide.

The underlying truth is...
The problems will NOT be controlled via logical thinkings...nor resistances to the problem...These are physical world .....usually collapsing when the temptation is close...

it lives in the realm of desires, the non physical environment...the heart.

The UNSEEN rules the SEEN...


Let me give you a simple real life explanation of how it works...

There you are in bed...It's time to get up...but you don't want to...so you fitfully sleep in as you resist ...then you say it's cold or something that supports your resistance to getting up...
You know you need to get up ...but you really don't want to ...you roll over and try to shake off the HAVING TO...cursing the noises the mind noises, the alarm etc....

Supporting the undecided and the WONT part.

OR...

There you are in bed...you don't want to get up ...but you decide to...and do...now you decide to have a shower...then which sock for what foot...plus all the decisions that get you through, though reluctant, out to your day...

There's no fanfare...there's no build up...even though you would rather be in bed, your about your day...silently because you decided to ....

In other words a decision is not a super event of mind power or explosive WILL power....it's a calm heart at work...many ,many times throughout the day....

It's not supported by resistances...it's capable of operating DESPITE them...It doesn't require deep thought...it happens in spite of it....gently and quietly.

All the other stuff is supporting the Gray area or the WONT area...

 

[earthair]

One word....music. If she doesn't already play an instrument, then now is a perfect time to learn. Being an OCD-ish Virgo are perfect qualifications for learning instruments like the piano or violin.
Learning a new instrument, or picking up an old one will tick so many boxes on her road to recovery.
Nothing quiets and focuses the mind like the discipline of playing music, (or learning any challenging skill to a high level). Practice = mental discipline.
The reason I would recommend music above a sport is because it's an emotional outlet, sociable and non competitive.

 

[Barleywine]

One word....music. If she doesn't already play an instrument, then now is a perfect time to learn. Being an OCD-ish Virgo are perfect qualifications for learning instruments like the piano or violin.
Learning a new instrument, or picking up an old one will tick so many boxes on her road to recovery.
Nothing quiets and focuses the mind like the discipline of playing music, (or learning any challenging skill to a high level). Practice = mental discipline.
The reason I would recommend music above a sport is because it's an emotional outlet, sociable and non competitive.

I like this idea. I think it would be something she hasn't tried before (except for playing clarinet in a high school band, if I recall correctly). I'll mention it to her. Thanks!

 

[Barleywine]

Just saw this, Barleywine. I have no experience with AA, but I have more than a passing acquaintance with the wine bottle. I have a few suggestions; most of them are of the "substitution" variety, replacing alcohol with something that is ultimately healthier.

I firmly agree with others who have posted about the benefit of exercise. Physical activity provides such an adrenalin rush and a sense of accomplishment. As a person becomes more fit and is able to achieve more, there is a personal sense of pride in setting and reaching fitness goals that are impossible to achieve if one is suffering the after-effects of a night of drinking.

Is your sister goal oriented in terms of mental activities? She could replace her evening wine drinking with a goal of......reading so many pages of a book, spending a certain amount of time on journaling, or working on crossword puzzles, etc. These are difficult goals to accomplish with a wine-fuzzed mind!

Not sure if your sister likes to indulge in "girly" stuff, but if I don't want to give in to the urge to drink, I sometimes distract myself with a "reward", such as soaking in a bubble path or painting my toenails.

I am also a fan of mantras. They don't need to be religious, spiritual or woo-woo. They can be very straightforward and matter of fact statements that are meditated upon as needed. Something like, "I am a strong, determined woman, and I am in control of what I do".

One more suggestion: I tend to be a visual person, so I like to collect photos of people/places/things that inspire me to be stronger. One example: I have a journal in which I keep track of my daily workouts, and I keep photos of my favorite female fitness competitors and athletes in it as well. When I look at their photos, I am inspired to stick with my exercise program and make healthier choices.

Not sure if any of that helps. I completely understand your sister's reluctance to do the small group thing. I'd much rather work at my own "stuff" by myself. If I think of anything else, I'll come back and share. Best wishes to your sister.

Some good ideas here. I did some research for her on "empowerment" books, with the goal of finding one that's practical and not just "psycho-babble." I recommended one that she's looking into. She isn't very fanciful, so recommending fiction is tricky. Probably not romance novels, anyway.

Mantras are something I'll check out. I've seen many on-line so there should be no shortage of resources.

Photographic inspirational "role models" has some potential, especially since she is already working on her fitness via diet. She's been in and out of Weight Watchers, but that didn't appeal to her.

Thanks for the suggestions.