What is the best I can do?

[Hunting Starship]

Feeling heavily depressed these days, stopped smoking and having constantly argues with my boyfriend. So I asked my cards for help and asked “ what is the best thing I can do right now, as I’m feeling totally incapable of any action except staring empty in the wall.

While I shuffeled I though about a dream I had last night about me and my boyfriend, trying to get home for Christmas, but lost our way and the evening train. We went to my dear college to wait there, but her house was full of guest, she didn’t had time for us. While shuffeling I though I wouln’d surprise me if the Star showed up.

The queen of cup popped out by shuffling and I guess she presenting me in this situation, but also the lesson she once toughed me regarding my boyfriend, to be able to show love and understanding trough difficult times. Just step up and be one head higher.

New Palladini deck

The Celtic cross with the queen in the middle gave me this answer:

Xxxxxxxx10
xxx3xxxxx9
6x12x5xxx8
xxx4xxxxx7

1: my current situation: 3 of sword
2: what is crossing me: six of rods
3: what lies ahead: eight of swords
4: lies behind: the tower
5: recent past: five of swords
6: future events: two of rods
7: My characteristics: death
8: My environment: the devil
9: something I don’t know: seven of pentacles
10: my personal goal: the star

With the queen in the middle, I’m influenced by a troubled feelings and thoughts. I think maybe the man on the horse in the six of rod, is my boyfriend, and that his eager to concur the world is what is really crossing me. I feel like his is marching right all over me to get what he wants.

My past is marked by a tower in fire, representing all the memories I have driven out the last years, to get a better life. The five of swords maybe the answer to my question, what can I do? I think the man winning the battle is my boyfriend, and that I lost in the argues with him. The only way to win over his is by not arguing, especially if the result is anger, depression and confusion. The two of rods may ask me to choose between to goods and by choosing wrong it might lead to blindness and further unable for any actions.

I am represented by the card of death, I think this stands in the combination with to tower in fire. Dealing with changes in my life. The devil in my environment can mean that the choice I must made is influenced my materialism. The seven of pentacles is perhaps something I need to understand, that I don’t know what is happening to us and that I have to use time to wait and see.

The star in my goal was not a surprise. I think I need to guide our relationship back to home, as the dream suggested. Showing my family that there is hope.

Am I on the right track to know what is best to do?

 

[Shebelle]

1: my current situation: 3 of sword
2: what is crossing me: six of rods
3: what lies ahead: eight of swords
4: lies behind: the tower
5: recent past: five of swords
6: future events: two of rods
7: My characteristics: death
8: My environment: the devil
9: something I don’t know: seven of pentacles
10: my personal goal: the star

I think this means that the Queen of Cups (you) is a little off track lately -- you've made some big, healthy changes, but maybe the withdrawal from nicotine is doing a little number on you -- anyhow, I think you're pricklier than usual as indicated by the 3S.

I think that you are absolutely proud of yourself for making such a positive change (6W+Tower), but that you are in for some tricky times ahead. I would even go so far as to say that you've been struggling w/ quitting smoking for a while (5S) and finally decided to, but may be looking for a reason to start again (8S). There is a lot of temptation around you as indicated by the Devil, but you are committed to seeing this transformation through, as suggested by Death. What's more, I think the 2W indicates you're going to be feeling more in control of things in the coming future. And you will see some rewards for the hard work you're doing (7P). Things will begin to turn around, but it will take time and some space (Star).

I think these cards are about you and not about your boyfriend. You are having a strong experience these days and clearly reevaluating some long-standing issues and habits. I think that the 7P could also indicate, as well as the 6W, that you do have a number of people around you who would be willing to help you on this transformative journey. I think the cards are advising you seek out people who SUPPORT your change and to reduce the amount of time and energy you spend w/ people who may be undermining you. The 5S can be about putting yourself first. I think you've started to, and you're being a little resistent because it's hurting your relationship...but in the end, it's best because either things will be more balanced w/ your boyfriend or things will end w/ him and you'll be able to find someone who treats you as an equal partner and not a doormat.

Good luck!

 

[Shebelle]

Also wanted to add that for someone who says they're heavily depressed, I see no cups in this reading. I think it's good to remember that depression = ANGER TURNED INWARD. I'd ask myself: what/who am I angry at? How long have I been angry? How is this anger hurting me? How does this anger, as it is right now, hurt anyone else involved? What are some positive steps I can take to alleviate the anger? Would I feel better expressing it?

Direct your anger more effectively and you will be empowered and not depressed. Good luck!

 

[Hunting Starship]

wow, your intuision is outstanding! I'll comment some more when I get back from the gym. Thanks alot!

 

[Hunting Starship]

just wanted to comment something, I've been in anger theraphy for a year now and started to see some long term results before started quiting smokeing. I guess I feel quite dissapointed as I experrience the strong feelings as anger and depression are returing and hurting the people around me. Everyday I ask my self if the quiting smokeing is of any good, if it might be better to start again.

thanks again and I will think about your advice during the workout

 

[Shebelle]

Quitting smoking is good for your health and it sounds like you need to just find healthier ways to deal w/ your anger. Maybe the Tower doesn't rep your quitting smoking, but the affect your therapy has had on you. I still think you are trying to self sabotage the smoking by arguing w/ your boyfriend. You lost a crutch (smoking) and are trying to return to old habits (misapplying your anger) in order to convince yourself that it's OK to smoke because everyone is better of when you do!

I think you need to stick w/ both programs - the smoking & the anger management you've already learned. You WILL see results. You may just need a little extra help. Whenver we leave our comfort zone, we fall back on old habits and I think that's what's happening here (8 Swords).

It will be OK -- stick to the plan of healing and understand that it will take time.

 

[Hunting Starship]

This is strange, I thought I'v written about the tower in my interpretation, that it stood for all the things I have driven and burned out of my body the last year. But anyway, that was the thought.

You write "for someone who says they're heavily depressed, I see no cups in this reading" is it posible to explain how you interpret this?

Onnce again thanks, I'll take these advices to heart!

 

[Shebelle]

Just that Cups are good indicators for feelings and your cards are rods and swords, which indicates passion or energy (ego) and mental... These would be more about managing energy and how you handle problems. Doesn't seem like there's much feeling the Queen C is picking up -- more like you are letting the energies of the wands & swords ruffle your feathers.

These are just my interps. Whatever feels right to you is probably closer to the mark...