Reader's Block? (Nervous, Angry, and Confused!)

Readings have been utter hell for me lately.

Just wanted to say that up front...

It's not like I haven't had any good readings at all, and it's not like this has been going on for a long while, but I'm afraid it's going to continue.

I pull cards. I stare at them. Now, usually, a meaning will come to me right away, and if it doesn't, I just have to clear my head for a second, and then it comes. Sometimes I'll get caught up in what I know the cards mean, versus what I know they're supposed to mean in that moment.

But even that's not the case now. I pull. I stare. I blank. I can't even remember LWB keywords to start talking about as a last resort! There's just nothing. Except, sometimes, this feeling that I've pulled the wrong card.


And everything about reading is going bad for me, really. I look at my decks and don't know which one to use. I can't even shuffle the cards without something going wrong. I can't grip them, I can't get the cards to shuffle together, I can't stop them from flying out everywhere, even though they've never done that before. I don't even bother fanning the deck lately. What a disaster that is. Then I go to pull a card out and I don't know which one to pick. Then I do pick them and they're wrong.

Why is this happening?

I'm a writer...and I feel like a fraud even saying that, because I haven't really written anything since 2006, because something similiar happens when I try to write. I don't have the right ideas and I don't know my characters well enough and every word is forced and awful and doesn't belong and by the end of it, I just hate myself. But this isn't Writer's Block, this is Reader's Block.


I've been reading tarot cards since I was around 13. Not the longest time, but long enough for me to know that I am a good reader. That I'm capable of doing this. So I don't understand why suddenly, I can't.

I've been breaking down crying these past few readings, because...it's just impossible.

Last year, I pulled my deck out about once a month if someone asked...but after my friends discovered I could use a pendulum and they didn't have to worry about "what should I do" or "what do I need to learn?" and they could just skip to, "SO SHOULD I DO THIS?" and get a quick yes/no...well, that was the end of my tarot readings...

But I still love tarot, and I love reading for myself and I especially love reading for others, even if it gives me a panic attack just to do it. So once my pendulum's chain snapped in half (my friends have a lot of questions...) and I started reading tarot for myself again, I pulled the decks out and looked at my wishlist for other ones I wanted and said, "You know, let's focus on this for awhile."

I wasn't sure how I'd go about it...I know some people stick with one deck for awhle, but I didn't think that I should do that. I love my decks, and I spend a lot of time just looking through them, even when I'm not reading. I like to reorder them and go back through all of the pictures. It's very calming...

But now just looking at them pisses me off.

Is it because I have too many decks? Should I just stick with one? And if I do, which one should I pick? What's the point of even having these decks if I can't even look at them?

Should I stop reading? Take a break? Focus on something else instead? Playing cards? Runes?

Should I get away from divination completely and start learning something else that I can fail at?


Has anyone else been through this? I'm sure someone else has been through this! How do you get through it? DO you get through it? What does it mean? What do I do?


I've written this up, but even now I'm not sure if I'm going to post this. Ahh, I'm so nervous...Are there even any answers to be had? I'm not even sure if I'm describing this right. Is this the right place to post this? Would this be using tarot or talking tarot?

Wow

Seems you may just need a break.
Go take a walk, sit under the trees or something and clear your head and mind.

As far as the cards flying out of the deck, to me they are trying to tell you something.
Do you ever read those cards that fly out like that?
Try it, if you haven't.

But, I do think, maybe you just need a restful break.

Well Wishes!

floracove said:

As far as the cards flying out of the deck, to me they are trying to tell you something.
Do you ever read those cards that fly out like that?
Try it, if you haven't.

Click to expand...

I might have to do that. Of course, sometimes it's thirty cards that go flying across the room, and I think that just means I'm doing it wrong...

But, I do think, maybe you just need a restful break.

Well Wishes!

Click to expand...

That may be it....Especially since it's really the last thing I want to do right now.

Thank you for your response. It might be nice to just go find a tree and sit under it for a bit.

I agree with floracove that you need a break.
From my personal experiences, the cards read best when one is relaxed.
Too much stress from trying to read the cards will alter your readings.
As for not remember the basic meanings and such, try going over your notes if you have any. Look up meanings in the LWBs or info from the net. Then build your own interpretations from there.
But above all, stay calm and relaxed. If you get a reading that seems off, don't get upset. Take a break, do something that will make you happy, then try again.
Sometimes, a feeling like a card -might- be wrong is showing a lack of trust and confidence in yourself and the cards. It takes a lot of both for the cards to work accurately (something I am having trouble with right now).
I hope you feel better, and that you can get a working relationship with the cards again. =]

Edit: I PMed you, hope it helped. =]

I just spent the last 25 minutes trying to find a thread I started many years ago when I went through *exactly* what you're describing here. It is such a hard spot to be in, and the doubt is frustrating. I was ranting about this and even had a signature for a while here that read, "I wish I could read Tarot."

It sucks. Which is why it should be embraced. Oh I know, you can't stand the discomfort of dealing with it, much less embrace it... but it too is here to teach you something you need on your Tarot journey.

You're hitting a plateau, and there's this uncomfortable phase between jumps of learning and attaining when we suddenly realize holy crap, I don't think I know what I'm doing. I've read all the books, and I've had great readings for years, and suddenly I have no clue....

Your ego is learning how to step out of the way during the reading process. That's my experience with it anyhow.

I recommend finding Umbrae's post on the Blank Spot, after all the time I spent searching I'm outta time to post the link myself... but yes, we do know what you mean. Or even better, grab a copy of Umbrae's book and hear him describe the process himself,

(Blessings to you on your writing path as well! I'm an author myself. )

Alissa said:

I just spent the last 25 minutes trying to find a thread I started many years ago when I went through *exactly* what you're describing here. It is such a hard spot to be in, and the doubt is frustrating. I was ranting about this and even had a signature for a while here that read, "I wish I could read Tarot."

It sucks. Which is why it should be embraced. Oh I know, you can't stand the discomfort of dealing with it, much less embrace it... but it too is here to teach you something you need on your Tarot journey.

You're hitting a plateau, and there's this uncomfortable phase between jumps of learning and attaining when we suddenly realize holy crap, I don't think I know what I'm doing. I've read all the books, and I've had great readings for years, and suddenly I have no clue....

Your ego is learning how to step out of the way during the reading process. That's my experience with it anyhow.

I recommend finding Umbrae's post on the Blank Spot, after all the time I spent searching I'm outta time to post the link myself... but yes, we do know what you mean. Or even better, grab a copy of Umbrae's book and hear him describe the process himself,

(Blessings to you on your writing path as well! I'm an author myself. )

Click to expand...

That made so much sense! Thank you! A plateau...that's one of those things I know about but never really considered. I've been thinking of this more like a wall, but picturing it as an actual plateau helps.

Funnily enough, I was thinking about Umbrae's post on the blank spot earlier. I actually got The Process from Tarot Garden last week (which amused my friends, who reacted along the lines of, "Oh...you plan on listening to someone? For more than five minutes...? Ahahaahaa!"), but I'm having a hard time absorbing it. I might need to go back and just reread the post. Reading I can do. (..Ahaha. Ahha. Oh, funny that I should say that..)


Actually, Lynny very kindly did a reading for me on this, and I think what she found goes really well with what you said. I'm glad to be understanding the why's a bit more in this!

Still, I wish I could grasp the "What now" part. Should I take a break then, if this is a plateau, or should I just try to do things differently or force myself through what I'm already doing...?

Alissa said:

grab a copy of Umbrae's book and hear him describe the process himself,

Click to expand...

!!!
Umbrae has a book?
Where?
Is it called the "Blank Spot".

Any links to this book?

Thanks and sorry for the derail Chara.

floracove said:

!!!
Umbrae has a book?
Where?
Is it called the "Blank Spot".

Any links to this book?

Thanks and sorry for the derail Chara.

Click to expand...

It's an audio book called The Process! You can buy it at Tarot Garden or the Tarot Connection, and there's a thread on it here.

Wow! Thanks Chara, your fast and good!

By the way, how do you shuffle your cards?
Do you shuffle them like regular playing cards or do you hold them in one hand and then kinda riffle them into each other?

If your shuffling like a regular deck of cards, you might try the riffling shuffle instead or even laying them out on the table and just move them around in circles to mix them up.

*just a thought

I'm thinking that maybe if you are upset that maybe your cards are reacting to those feelings...

And thanks for the link!
This is the first I've heard of it.

I think one of the hardest things about being a writer as well as a tarot reader is the amount of time you spend in your own head. Sooner or later, you start to doubt yourself, second-guess yourself, question whether what you're doing has any value at all (and of course the answer you always give yourself is "NO!!!")... It is hard to no when you are at the start of this spiral and still able to pull yourself out of it. Nevertheless, you took a big step by posting about your frustrations. It gives form to the problem, makes it something tangible. And that makes it something that can be dealt with and eventually overcome. Should you take a break? Certainly. You're entitled to it, just like a student is entitled to summer vacation or a worker is entitled (or should be) to a vacation. Just accept that when you take a break, you will probably have this nagging little voice that berates you for not accomplishing anything! And that voice can make it hard to come back and get to work.

It sounds like you've been taking a break from writing, for instance, unintended though it may be. And every time you come to face the page, your internal critic is getting in your way. This same critic likes to sow doubt when we read tarot, too. Fighting him/her/it only makes things worse... as someone else said, you should embrace it. Ask your critic what it has to teach you. You'll often find that the voice either shuts up because it has no answer and is just being a contrarian, or maybe you will realize that you're trying to start the story in the wrong place, or that there is another story you REALLY want to tell, but you're nervous about it, so you're trying something tamer, etc. etc. etc.

That same voice can keep you stuck on your tarot plateau. It will tell you that what you've learned is too passe, and you're too grown up for it, but at the same time it will tell you that there is no way you have what it takes to reach the next level. Arguing only makes it worse, and really it wastes time that you could be using for something productive. Being productive usually means delving into new territory, though, which can be scary, and at its heart that inner critic is a coward. Sometimes you just have to take it by the hand and leap off of that plateau.

In the meantime, try not to be too hard on yourself. Messes are allowed when shuffling the cards, as well as when reading them! To get out of your own head, perhaps insist on using a tarot deck instead of your pendulum the next time someone wants advice. Hell, break some rules if you want and answer those yes/no questions with your cards! Let yourself play, whether with cards or words.

Whew, sorry to sermonize here! I want to wrap up by saying something encouraging like "it will get better," but I've been in a similar place as you enough times to know that such platitudes don't seem to hold much weight. I guess just know that you aren't a bad reader or writer, or that you are doing anything wrong by being frustrated. It happens. A lot. But it does get better