Hindsight sucks

I just found out a friend of mine died Friday. He opted to have his oxygen removed; he had emphysema. My point is, John's been bugging me to read for him for a long time, nearly a year, & I just couldn't because he talked about a woman his mother knew long ago that predicted a cousin of his would have 3 children who died, which did indeed happen. He said she saw 3 little coffins. Besides the fact that I don't work that way, I would NEVER tell anyone that, & I couldn't understand how a reader could possibly think it would be of any benefit to tell a client she was going to have 3 stillbirths, I was intimidated by it because he was so impressed by her 'skill'. I did a reading by myself for him in January, fully prepared to take it to him (I didn't figure it was unethical since he was asking for a reading) but I never told him about the reading, because it wasn't pretty. I interpreted all the 'nasty' cards in his reading as death (never to be taken lightly or frivolously, but he had some serious bad stuff going on & I simply couldn't tell him) & I avoided the subject with him after that. I'd tell him, oh, I don't have my cards with me or I can't stay long, Dreyfuss needs fed, etc. The cards I got, however, pointed to a heart problem, not respiratory failure.

Now I'm just kicking myself. What if I had told him? Or simply did a new reading, with him?

canid,

You can play "What if" until you're blue in the face. You did what you thought was right at the time.

Put into the same position again with someone else would you do things differently because of this experience? If not, then don't beat yourself up over it. You're staying true to who you are. If so, then the purpose of this experience with John may have been to prepare you for another experience where your insight may actually make a difference to the person you read for.

(((((canid)))))

Rodney

Was there something specific he wanted a reading on, or just general things? If you're wondering what could have been done, if the cards might have been giving warning in order to change the future, it's hard to say. Emphysema in my experience is usually eventually terminal, I doubt that you could have given him good news on that account, and knowing what was coming wouldn't have changed it. If he had so much faith in the accuracy of the first reader, then if you'd warned him, it may have actually alarmed him and made things happen sooner rather than later. I've seen the damage those kinds of readings can do, whether the reader was well meaning or not.

Just reading this, I suspect you did the right thing, but it's difficult and you have my sympathy. At best, he'd have to be a stronger person than me and I suspect most people here to be able to take the reading as a way of gaining closure, taking the uncertainty away, but most people don't operate like that and would react with fear of the inevitable...

Also, look at the readings and look at the questions in your own heart. I don't know what cards you drew, but perhaps the reading did pertain to you having to let go of someone you cared deeply about, heart being the metaphorical seat of emotion. And the mental conflicts you're having associated with that.

Be gentle with yourself, in your place I would have done the same. Hugs to you.

Yote

Yeah, he had emphysema, but he still SMOKED! With oxygen! And I think his reading/question had more to do with monetary problems, not health related issues. And I just saw him last week! Joked around with him! I can't believe he went downhill so fast, & he'd give up so easily.

canid said:

Yeah, he had emphysema, but he still SMOKED! With oxygen! And I think his reading/question had more to do with monetary problems, not health related issues. And I just saw him last week! Joked around with him! I can't believe he went downhill so fast, & he'd give up so easily.

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Yeah, same with one of my uncles. He smokes too. On oxygen. At least he turns it off when he smokes, though I worry for him deeply considering how much morphine he has to take every day. My aunt does what she can, though.

But when you're that far along, giving up smoking would probably cause too much stress for the body to handle. I can't say I blame him.

In my uncles case, I'm surprised he's held on this long. I don't know what causes some people to hang on and others to let go. It might sound cliched, but if he was laughing and joking, and then went quickly, perhaps it was at some deep level his choice to let go before things got too much worse.

But without the warning signs that things were getting worse, I suspect you're feeling upset that you didn't spend more time with him at the end? You felt you should have known, or done more?

Perhaps you weren't meant to. Perhaps at some level he didn't want you to know how bad it was, didn't want anyone to have to watch him get worse? If he was laughing and joking, he knows you loved him. He knows you did what you could, based on what you knew. And maybe that's what he wanted.

Yote

I'm sorry you lost your friend, Canid.

SphinYote said:

I suspect you did the right thing, but it's difficult and you have my sympathy. At best, he'd have to be a stronger person than me and I suspect most people here to be able to take the reading as a way of gaining closure, taking the uncertainty away, but most people don't operate like that and would react with fear of the inevitable...

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I agree. I think you did absolutely the right thing.

I'm so sorry you have lost your friend. ((((canid))))

Passing on uncomfortable information your cards relate to you for another is difficult. I had to do this just this morning with a friend who is creating health problems for herself because her approach to life has been one of dis-ease for far too long. Each one of us is where we are because of decisions we've made but owning up to that can be difficult.

My point is that I believe life is a series of challenges that force us to hone our own powers of discernment. Since this is bothering you it seems to me there's a lesson here for you and the constructive thing would be to uncover it. Perhaps it would help you to ask your cards what that lesson is so that you could stop second guessing yourself, 'shoulding' all over yourself and feeding guilt, and shift your focus to the insight this experience has to offer you.

Take heart in the fact that you and your friend shared laughter a mere week before his death. If I were your friend that is what I'd like you to do.

Dear Canid;

Please don't take this wrong. I am not meaning to be cruel or whatever.

Seems to me there's a tad bit of fear in your post; yeah he was in a bad way, yeah he still smoked, yeah he was going down-hill, yeah he most likely knew he was checking out...

But ya know...? Sooner or later...ya gotta trust Tarot.

So you did a reading on the sly that was icky. Big deal. Is that the way the reading would have turned out for him?

Ya gotta trust the Tarot, trust the cards, shuffle them up - lay them out - and read them as they lay.

If you want to read Tarot, you have to trust the Tarot.

Or one can play at being spooky with cards. Make yer choice, live your choice.

At least - that's the way I see it.

I'm sorry for you (((canid)))