We've shared about others lack of approval, but what of jealousy/envy? (LONG post)

Have any of you experienced this?
My parents became born-again Christians (as an act and commitment, rather than a style, if you know what I mean), in the last several years - my mom was always religious (and it definitely was a style). Yet, although my mother did voice her thoughts that is could be a slippery slope, etc. - neither parent insisted (even when I lived with them) that I stop reading Tarot, or to get rid of them. Although my mom did share her 'concern' that my practice and studies in tarot, astrology, etc, was an obsession.

I preface with the above info, just to show that it has never been a case of intolerance for tarot, and the like.

Actually thinking about it, my father was the reason for the "hands-off" approach - even though it was members on his side of the family who show the most intolerance (his brother told my parents, they should not have tarot cards in there house). Now that he has passed, the attitude toward any divination I do is becoming irksome.

Okay, I have been interested in various forms of divination since I was a child. It was dreams, then astrology, tarot, runes... I still can't say I'm the most religious type faithful person, but I think I've always had a general faith in life, and still do. As I child, my religious tendencies were encouraged- like I said, my mother was always religious (Baptist Christianity); but as I went beyond dogma, and explored - and more so, shared and seem to actually help others through astrology and tarot readings...things became strained.
Honestly, when I'm talking to my mother on the phones or something, and I bring up a reading or something - she completely switches the subject or immediately drifts off. Even though she's always talking about God, what she's praying for, etc. Sharing dreams she's had or impressions she gets, and even magical thinking crap like the fact that she's praying to win the friggin' lottery! Do, I cut her off and tell her I think it's ridiculous? Nope. She takes everything as a personal attack as it is, far be it for me to tell her what I think she should or shouldn't be praying for...anyway, winning the lottery would be a good thing. lol But, you know what I mean, it's more a matter of her constantly using energy in a unproductive manner.
One time my 14 year old niece wanted a reading, and my mother decided she didn't need one - and her mother (my sister) agreed. Fine...she's a minor, you make those decisions. I'm always ethical, and don't see how a reading hurts, but regardless, it's not my place to insist. Again, it’s not a matter of them thinking tarot evil or anything, as I’ve done readings for both of them.
The point is, that I think they don't want me reading for her. Had she asked to have a reading with some lady at a carnival, I don't think they would have had a problem; don't think they would have taken the reading seriously, but I don't think they would have minded.
All this to say, it bothers me the roles family often gives you...of any group of people you've come to know and function in. My mother has proclaimed herself the spiritually gifted one - she talks in tongues and goes to church, etc. Oddly enough, she excepts some of my opinions - once her church pastor does a sermon on exactly that...months or years after I said the same damn thing. Then, it has value. When her pastor friend (female, different from church pastor) told her after a prayer meeting at my parent’s place and meeting me (when I lived with her), and reflecting on things I've said, or divinations I've done for others (that my mother must have shared with her), said that with tarot or not, I was a prophet - THEN, all the things I'd been into had some value…for a short time anyway.
ARRGGH! I just irks me to no end that she is so much about surface appearance, and how spiritual proclivities make you 'special', when I'm not, and she STILL resents me for it.

Sorry, but I've needed to get that off my chest for a while now...and that dynamic has crept in again, and I suspect that her and my sister now feel fine ostracizing me again, now that my father (the only one who understood, or cared for me) has passed.
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Got some stuff to run and do, but I really look forward to coming back and reading of your experiences.

I'm sorry your family situation has deteriorated into such a strain for you . I think a lot of people are in the same boat . From my reading of your post , it seems obvious that you know that your mother is playing some kind of spiritual game , even though she may be honestly well intentioned in her own mind. The rules of this game are not determined by you , and seem to change regularly .

Sometimes we have to be prudent and realize it's not good to discuss religion and other spiritual activities with everyone . We would all like to share with our families , but it might not always be the best idea . From your post , your mother talks a lot to other people about you and what you're doing . Not all of these people are going to be tolerant and some of them might even become hostile towards you . One person's prophet can quickly become another's embodiment of evil , unfortunately , depending on how they are judged in their standing to whichever faith is being espoused as the correct one .

If I were you , I would disconnect from all the drama and find other things to talk about with your family . Maybe in time things will change as they grow spiritually and they can be more mature about it in the future .

Good post!

I'm in the same boat, except not to the extent you are. My mom is a Baptist Christian, and I started reading Tarot cards about 3-4 months ago. The day I brought them in the house I could tell she wasn't very happy with them. She wasn't mad at me (she's a VERY understanding mother), but she was just "scared" to have them in the house I guess you could say.

Now, I was raised Baptist Christian, and I still am. My mother knows I am a Christian, and we've had VERY long talks about the Tarot cards and what I use them for. Now, I'm sure if you told your mom what you used to them for (ie. talking to God, talking to your subconscious) I can't remember if you said if you were a Christian or not, but whatever the case may be, Christians with a very closed-mind on the "Tarot" subject will act exactly how your mom acted. For me, I use them as a tool to get closer to God. I tell my mother that, and she understands so she's not as worried when I use them anymore. She's also noticed I talk about God more now since I've been using the cards, so she isn't ever on my back anymore about getting rid of the cards.

Your mom is just worried because, being a Christian, we like all people to be saved (no offense you believe whatever you'd like to believe!) and I believe she is worried for you and doesn't know what to do. That's what I think is going on! Good luck!

Jeff

That really is too bad.
I have a role, totally. I used to get yelled at for being interested in divination as a kid but it was tolerated. The past few years my family got more strict and more religious while I progressively lost the faith and now see religion as a kind of control. It was a similar situation. With Christianity just about anything can be seen as a sin and with my parents it was the same deal. Even though I'm no more rebellious than most kids out there (actually I'd say I'm less rebellious than most), most things I did either angered them or didn't impress them enough.
It could be that you're mom doesn't really understand the different forms of spirituality and just believes that she's the spiritual one and you're the evil heathen. (Hey fellow heathen, high-five)
I don't discuss religion with them, there's no questioning attending mass and praying as often as possible, there's no understanding or tolerance of anything too different from them. So I don't bother even trying. I have to be respectful. It would be a waste of time. My friends are accepting of my "weirdness", so I don't feel alone at sea.
I'd recommend the same if you've already tried to reason with her. You know what and who and how you are, that you are spiritual that you are on your own path and if others tell you that you are wrong, whatever. You've taken your time with this, you are open and it wasn't an overnight cult recruitment.

Thanks you both for your responses!

Also, sorry for all the typos in my orignal post...I have no excuse other than being in a rush earlier, as I'm am a native English speaker. lol

DI, you are right about keeping it to myself. That just sort of bothers me...It's not a phase, I've been into divination since childhood, and started studying astrology as a teenager, and have been reading tarot for over ten years. I feel like it a big part of me, a major interest and it disappoints me that I can't even discuss it; not lecturing or giving a lesson, or offering readings unasked for mind you, but even bring it up in conversation without it upsetting her and my sister (to a lesser extent - I feel my sister only acts in such a manner to support my mother's feelings). As mentioned, I've done them for her (and she found it inspirational in in accordance to scripture), and people she knows (years ago, an astrology chart and reading, for a co-worker of hers and her two daughters), whom I didn't know and she saw and reported back the positive dialogue that came from it.
It's the whole defensive attitude. As you mention DI, I feel it's a game. Mind you, she's is a rather insecure, and envious person in general. BTW, she also thought my staying up late and constantly working on a paper for a high school philosophy course was obsessive! She's of the type that thinks "too much education ain't good". No concern about education with a lack of compassion or integrity...just the attitude that "knowing too much" makes one a bad person. So, that’s what I'm dealing with... Also, I think that when she does talk to these "exalted types" about my interests, she has often been surprised that they haven't reacted negatively. So, I think that has become a thing of pride for her...she is kind of an emotional vampire...livs vicariously, and everything comes right back to her, is about her. So when what I've done has met with positive feelings, and by some connection makes her look good, she's all for it. You see, it's a pattern...when I was a child and teen and got good grades..well, I was an exceptional child (compared to chaotic siblings, extended family, neighbors...), and therefore that made her that much better than other parents. Just a lot of self-aggrandizing BS. She will always find a way to criticize others’ faults, make others’ pain her personal trial, and take credit for their success. THIS, as some have called it “prophecy” - since she has marked spiritually as her own- is a problem. Since I've gone into areas she is unfamiliar with in that sphere, it has really touched a nerve.

You are right though, as disheartening as it is, it is something I will not be able to share with them. It just feels particularly personally hostile, since they discuss it with others..and like my sister a couple years ago discovered the Conversations with God books...and more recently they were talking about The Secret. Puke. LOL. I'm sorry, I mean no offense, but stop trying to sell me great secrets that aren't, and in fact, common sense.

Jeff, it's good that your mother isn't hostile, and can understand you choosing a different means than she is used to. It's a good thing that she is open-minded.
In my case, I'm sure she has some concerns, about being saved and such, but honestly, I think it's a pride thing on her part. She is the spiritual one, and I've stepped on her toes, I guess.

Here is something interesting about my religious upbringing...We didn't go to church every Sunday, but I was raised Baptist, although now I consider myself agnostic. I simply don't know and am not willing to except a whole religious (literal) structure on faith. I'm okay with not knowing for certain. What I'm doing now, my beliefs, personal ethics, and ritual work for me at this time. Anyway, my maternal grandfather was a (Northern) Baptist minister, and that's what I knew of him my entire childhood. One evening, when a cousin (my dad's) was over and we were discussing religion and my interest (yes, my mother can actually do this when it's not just me speaking), details slipped out about what she remembered of her father belong to a fraternity. Well, it was a lodge, and for a time my father belonged to the same! Ha! I'm not a complete black sheep after all.

So, today I do not subscribe to Christianity, but I don't think all there is to the world is what I (or science) can readily explain at the present time.
It is true that my mother is a fearful person, but she does believe in spiritual gifts, so it's not as if she assumes anything other than prayer is evil.

Also, as my relation with or use of the tarot, the predictions just came about, especially once I started reading for others. When I began reading tarot (and before that working with dreams) it was out of a desire to connect to the subconscious, not to tell fortunes. I'm still not deterministic, I will NOT tell someone what they should or ought do. I say what I see, and the querent takes it for what it's worth to them.

Heh, Nevermore, I am kind of a trouble maker - by her judgement anyway. How dare I question her authority! B-o I had never been a rebellious child, but then I come from a household where being straight-laced or responsible would be considered abnormal.

thank you

Thank you so much for posting this.
I have a very similar situation with my family. My father and stepmother are complete catholic believers, and I know Catholicism is a branch of Christianity but to them being catholic is the only way to go or hell is where you go when you die.
One thing to mention is my father was never a straight laced catholic, so much as against certain things Catholics are against. I won’t go into details, that would be too much but since he met my, now, stepmother they believe the bible is final say.
I started using tarot cards about a year ago along with astrology, dreams, magic, Wicca, you name it and since then they were shaky about it but I never did anything outside of my room, so they didn’t comment, just looks to die for.
One night we had my stepmother’s sister over and my tarot cards were left out because I was looking at the pictures with my brother, who thought they were the best thing since sliced bread. When my aunt saw them she rather freaked out, pretty much saying it was a devil’s tool. A few weeks later my father, stepmother and I had a sit down initiating this completely new set of rules. One of which was no Wicca, including tarot readings and such.
They said a lot of back handed compliments such as I can believe in such nonsense but only sane people make it in the world, and using tarot cards is a waste of time, and all other things. I only visit there every other weekend, so lucky for me it isn’t that much. At the same time it is really frustrating because they look at me like the I’m the devil reincarnated and every time I mention a reading or something they get really tense, change the subject or blow up at me for mentioning something stupid like that. It's frustrating beyond belief.
-thank you and blessed be

Danica_Nyx said:

Thank you so much for posting this.
I have a very similar situation with my family. My father and stepmother are complete catholic believers, and I know Catholicism is a branch of Christianity but to them being catholic is the only way to go or hell is where you go when you die.
One thing to mention is my father was never a straight laced catholic, so much as against certain things Catholics are against. I won’t go into details, that would be too much but since he met my, now, stepmother they believe the bible is final say.
I started using tarot cards about a year ago along with astrology, dreams, magic, Wicca, you name it and since then they were shaky about it but I never did anything outside of my room, so they didn’t comment, just looks to die for.
One night we had my stepmother’s sister over and my tarot cards were left out because I was looking at the pictures with my brother, who thought they were the best thing since sliced bread. When my aunt saw them she rather freaked out, pretty much saying it was a devil’s tool. A few weeks later my father, stepmother and I had a sit down initiating this completely new set of rules. One of which was no Wicca, including tarot readings and such.
They said a lot of back handed compliments such as I can believe in such nonsense but only sane people make it in the world, and using tarot cards is a waste of time, and all other things. I only visit there every other weekend, so lucky for me it isn’t that much. At the same time it is really frustrating because they look at me like the I’m the devil reincarnated and every time I mention a reading or something they get really tense, change the subject or blow up at me for mentioning something stupid like that. It's frustrating beyond belief.
-thank you and blessed be

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Wow ((Danica))! They seem really strict...but if they believe the bible is the only way, how come they don't acknowledge the divination that is present in the Bible? Hmm. BTW, some would say believing in a god, is the same as believe in Santa Claus, just sayin'...
As a child, when I became interested in dream interpretation my mother wasn't offended, because of the story of Joseph.
I can only imagine how difficult it must be, especially since they are insulting in their manner of protest. But as you say, you only have to be there part of the time, and if I were in your shoes, I'd would just leave my tarot and other tools at your other place. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound as if open dialogue concerning you interest is a possibility at this time. It sucks when it is "their house, their rules", but I wouldn't put myself under any unnecessary stress.
Best to you.

Ditto and then some

I just posted this the other day in my blog..It happened to me two weeks ago and by a family member no less. I was so infuriated. I call the post "The Catholic Brand".

Apologies now for the length of this-but it needed to be written from start to finish.

It is well known by the Pagan community [and has been for decades even before my coming to this life] that Catholicism is not unlike an incurable lifelong virus. Once you have been infected people see it as the scarlet letter blazoned on your chest. A big C for the world to take note of. In other words, you are always a Catholic.

Just last night at a large private function while sitting among prestigious friends and family, someone of importance looked over to me and a family member next to me and said “you’re catholic as well yes?”. She answered immediately while sipping her 4th glass of wine “mmhhmm”. I smiled and said not today I’m not and laughed it off. Talking about religion and politics is never healthy among mixed company. My kin leaped eagerly into the fire and then replied “oh yes you are! you were baptized you made your communion your confirmation and had 12 years of catholic school of course you are!”. I then turned to this alien being and said “excuse me..I haven’t hung out with you in 20 years exactly how well do you think you know me”. The subject was changed quickly but I then festered for 24 hours thereafter.

There is no higher ignorance than stupidity. And while I do not profess to know everything [far from the like], I would never be so bold as to impose to an entire group of people what someone Else’s beliefs were. Because I love this person dearly, I decided to give them a call today after the event was over.

I called

I spoke

She listened [she truly did listen and even apologized]

I can’t remember a time when so many four letter words came out of my mouth. Words said in anger, in disappointment, in disgust and disdain for such a subject. I don’t think that [never have never will] any one religion has it right. Humans are NOT infallible. Our teachings our history and our ancestors writings come from the very same human element I speak of. To believe in the absolute of one religion is absurd. But to have belief in something and hold that belief to you [as long as it shall harm none] is divine. Most of all-a belief in yourself.

Do not ever let another human tell you what you are. You may not know where you are going, or where you will end up. But only you my dearest know who you truly are. It will forever be my wish that people learn this wisdom, understand it, and help share it.

Peace

Danica_Nyx said:

They said a lot of back handed compliments such as I can believe in such nonsense but only sane people make it in the world, and using tarot cards is a waste of time, and all other things. I only visit there every other weekend, so lucky for me it isn’t that much. At the same time it is really frustrating because they look at me like the I’m the devil reincarnated and every time I mention a reading or something they get really tense, change the subject or blow up at me for mentioning something stupid like that. It's frustrating beyond belief.

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That's a real shame it has to be like that Danica . People can seem reasonable at first and then something happens that touches that fear button and everything changes . They might not see you as who you are anymore , and start seeing you as a focus for their fears , suspicions , and prejudices .

Unfortunately in situations like this you're not just dealing with family anymore . Now you are dealing with centuries old organizations and propaganda , something bigger than just a few people. The things they believe can be deep rooted and out of control , not affected by logic or reason . Plus, they have the support and encouragement of a faith community that believes exactly as they do and feels justified in their actions .