Questions to Draw Out The Querent

What do people think are the best questions to draw out the querent, in in-person (or phone) readings? Or things to watch for in the querent's demeanor; said or unsaid. I am a beginner and am interested in how to engage querents in conversations about cards, get them to tell me what they think of a card, get info to use for follow-up questions, etc., especially "quiet" querents.

The more info from the querent, the better the reading.

Thanks, everyone!

Hi, Missy!

I think I'm having trouble answering your question because for me engaging the querent in the reading happens automatically as soon as they see that what I am saying resonates for them. I don't think we really need to work on engaging them--if the reading is good it stands on its own merits, and they will be talkative or quiet according to their own personality type. Some people do not like to say much because they feel that they may influence what I'm saying. Others like to be interactive, because they feel they get a more meaningful reading if they let me know what's up with them. If you let each person do what s/he is most comfortable with, you will probably become more comfortable with the silent ones.

I do feel the quiet ones might not be return clients if they feel they have been prompted and pushed to talk more than they would like. I will ask simple questions such as, "Are you currently employed?" or "Are you in a relationship now?" but that is because these are paid readings, and it just takes too long to give them a lot of information that they already know. But I do tell them ahead of time that I might at some point ask a couple of these types of factual questions, so they are not alarmed by me suddenly seemingly trying to get information out of them.

The other part of your question, about things to watch for in a person's demeanor, sounds to me almost like what "cold readers" do--looking at the querent to see how s/he is responding to what is being said and tailoring the reading accordingly. I wonder if that is what you mean, because in my experience, most reputable readers go to great lengths not to do that. Personally, I will use information that I gather in that manner to alert my querent that s/he is looking or sounding a certain way, as I feel it is valuable information that they may not be picking up on (as in, "You sound so enthusiastic about becoming a teacher, but your energy goes way down when you mention psychology"), but I always let them know that I got the information by simple observation, not by reading the cards or from my guides.

Not everybody is going to be 'drawn out'. In fact there are a few folks that you’ll read for and they will just sit like a lump…you’ve had those kind, yes?

Some will sit down for a 30 minute reading, and open up, with no bidding and the next thing you know, they’ve talked for 25 minutes, and you’ve looked at 3 cards, and they’ve solved all of their own problems! Usually they will walk away with glowing comments about how good you are, and you did nothing, except provide an ear. But their problems were solved. Isn’t that one of our end goals anyways?

So there you are, sitting with a client that is fully drawn out, what does that situation look like to you?

Sometimes, those that resist being drawn out are stubborn or belligerent, or just had a bad reading from a bad cold reader; and sometimes, and these folks you have to watch for, they are shy. Perhaps they don’t think their problems (which are usually huge) aren’t worth your time (but they really really are) and they just don’t want to bother you with something so trivial (and it ain’t trivial at all). See what I mean?

Learn to master the open ended question. Does this make sense?

Now the whole reason to draw the sitter out, is to help provide context between card meanings and the sitter.

Drawing the sitter out has nothing to do with 'Cold Readings' and Hits. The reader who sits with their head down interacting with only the cards, and not the sitter, is just as good as the reader who interacts with only the sitter and does not look at the cards (using them for a prop) in a cold reading.

Reading is all about context with the cards and the sitters life situation. Interaction provides context.

We are not mindreaders, guessing 'what you're thinking about' using Tarot cards.

Edited to further add: I myself don't ask questions until the first take on the cards. Then I ask for feedback and we go over the cards together. But the first time through, I like to operate without a net.

I don't read that way. In fact, one of my clients gets a kick out of how I read for her.

I tell her what I see in a card, or combinations of cards, I ask if what I said made sense to her. She says yes and I continue with the other cards.

At the end, she wanted to know if she had to tell me the situation. I told her no. She then went on to tell me how right on I was about it even though I still had no idea what the situation was.

I let my clients say as much or as little as they want to. I continually ask if what I'm saying make sense to their situation. But that's it. At the end, I answer any questions and only then let them open up about the reading but they don't have to.

Either way, I don't remember the reading after 5 minutes anyway so I don't really care if I know what's going on or not. The message is for my client, not me, so as long as they got the message my job is done.

Of course, I also have the clients that want to tell me their life story while I really don't care. I find this extra knowledge only complicates how I view the cards.

I find that asking people what they see in a card kind of takes away from our job. We are the ones that are giving the reading. Sometimes I will point out something I see in a card so that they see it too. Then they will take a better look at the cards and begin to point out things and ask me what they mean. Sometimes I know and other times I don't.

Anyway, I'm the opposite of you! I find the less info from the client, the better the reading.

I have to agree with Sinduction. I LOVE doing readings & I'm constantly practicing to get better. I started with written only & I'm getting to where I can now do verbal readings for people. Some of which, I get paid for.

I HATE knowing about a situation before reading it. When people tell me thier situation, I just feel like whatever info I get comes from my own opinion rather than the cards & that irks me. The way I read is I lay out the cards after asking them thier most basic question, give them my interpretations, & if there is any clarification needed, they usually give it to me then, or I'll get a simple nod to say that makes sense or they'll let me know I'm completely off.
I don't draw people out, they tell me what they think I need to know, & I leave it at that.

And like Sinduction, I never remember a reading once it's done. I MAY, if lucky, remember the general theme behind the readings I do for others, but they never have to worry about me talking about it to others, I have no clue what it was. I consider that a good think until I get a repeat customer who says "Oh my god! That so coorsponds to the last reading you gave me!" Um, ok. Great!

Thanks for the info so far, and sorry if I wasn't clear by my intent. There have been some great answers with some really good information, and a lot for me to think about.

I don't want to do hocus-pocus or "cold" read anyone, nor try to pull any tricks.

I am only looking for ways to help the people I am reading for.

Regarding my questions, they stem from a couple of sources. First has to do with the querent's initial question, and further down has to do with follow-up questions. There is an online lesson from learntarot.com which talks about formulating the initial question (although it pertains to questions for the self, I can see how it could pertain to questions for others), and a better question, a more clear and concise question versus a muddy one, will produce a better reading. However, let's say you have a querent whose original question is muddy, so you may have to help them refine it by asking the querent questions to help them refine it. At least, I have read in a couple of places about helping the querent define their question. This is done before the cards are even thrown, at least that is my understanding from reading it.

When I read for myself, for example, I have an advantage, as I know all of my issues. One thing I will do is do a three-card spread (I still am keeping it pretty simple), then depending on what meaning I draw from those cards, I will ask additional questions, pulling one card for each question. Usually there are between one and five additional questions. So when the reading is over, I have drawn anywhere from four to nine cards.

I was looking at Tarot Tips by Wald and Ruth Amberstone, and part of the book says it is very important to define the querent's original question, because the querent may ask what they think is the most important question, but in the process of the reader clarifying the querent's question (before even asking the cards, I presume), per the book, you may find that they have a deeper question or related underlying issue that is the true question. It was these kinds of inquiries that I had in mind.

Wald and Ruth also say it's important to be very attentive to everything the querent says. I don't think they mean to use this information to deceive the querent, but rather to give them a better reading. So that is what my question is regarding follow-up questions; it would be for the purpose of giving the querent a better reading, not about trying to appear psychic or to do anything other than to ask the cards better defined questions based on better information received from the querent. Or maybe this isn't necessary?

I hope that my original question is more clear now! Thank you.

ETA: I had a friend of mine that I did a telephone reading for. He asked an extremely vague question. I pulled some cards and did my best for him. He then told me his "real" question, his underlying issue. After reflection on the cards later, I realized that the cards would have told me so much more had I known what his underlying question was. I think he is of the mind that tarot readers are supposed to be psychic, though, and that I was supposed to read his mind, when I very clearly told him there is no magic involved, there is no psychic ability here, I am reading the cards, not trying to read his mind. Not to get the conversation off track, but I think this is why this whole issue came up for me!

Ok, I see what you mean.

You could just go into an area of interest. Like love or money or something, if your client won't talk.

I don't take questions usually, but I will focus on an area. The cards will tell what they want, which usually is what my client wanted to know anyway.

If you need more info to read then I think you're going to have to start with open ended questions, which was posted before. But some people, myself included, don't like to tell their readers a lot at the beginning. It just bothers me that I might get what they think I should do instead of what the cards are saying. So that may be a reason people don't open up to you.

In fact, when I do go for readings I don't tell them anything at all.

If your working people the cards become a prop and you know it.,if you feel anything but true,release them THE CLIENT/visitor, their money, their attention . If your manipulating them,or feel a need to ,STOP. The LAW is ,honesty uses zero attention deflectors and enables free flow, DECEPTIONS use most of the energy to uphold the deception,and blocks incoming . The mind is affected,the money is affected ,karma is affected, the reputation is affected,the type of client/visitor is attracted that will uphold the energy generated. Honesty is free flowing ,effortless.Tricks require constant manipulation. BE YOU,HONESTLY!!!
________
Suzuki B-King Specifications

Apollonia said:

Hi, Missy!

I think I'm having trouble answering your question because for me engaging the querent in the reading happens automatically as soon as they see that what I am saying resonates for them. I don't think we really need to work on engaging them--if the reading is good it stands on its own merits, and they will be talkative or quiet according to their own personality type. Some people do not like to say much because they feel that they may influence what I'm saying. Others like to be interactive, because they feel they get a more meaningful reading if they let me know what's up with them. If you let each person do what s/he is most comfortable with, you will probably become more comfortable with the silent ones.

Click to expand...

This is good and makes sense to me. I think I am nervous about the idea of in-person readings when I need to relax. Maybe I've been doing too much reading of books and overthinking things.

I like what you say about letting people do what makes them feel the most comfortable, and, in turn, I will become more comfortable. And I like what you said: "if the reading is good, it stands on its own merits, and they will be talkative or quiet according to their own personality type." That helps me trust the cards more and focus on the reading, not get nervous about whether or not I am going to get something wrong.

Perhaps I have a fear of a querent just getting up and angrily storming out, saying, "None of that fits me! None of that applies to me!" Something like that, instead of allowing me to read for them and then figure out what the cards are trying to say to that querent. The cards, I believe, never lie. The cards always have the right message for the querent. Now, maybe I will get it wrong, but that is where I have to trust my inner guide.

Apollonia said:

I do feel the quiet ones might not be return clients if they feel they have been prompted and pushed to talk more than they would like. I will ask simple questions such as, "Are you currently employed?" or "Are you in a relationship now?" but that is because these are paid readings, and it just takes too long to give them a lot of information that they already know. But I do tell them ahead of time that I might at some point ask a couple of these types of factual questions, so they are not alarmed by me suddenly seemingly trying to get information out of them.

Click to expand...

Thank you for giving me this perspective. I was not thinking of this, of how a querent could misinterpret a reader asking a question. As you said, their getting alarmed at you trying to "get information out of them." What I had in mind was to be helpful and to give them the best reading possible. Your idea of telling them in advance that you may be asking a couple of factual questions is a good one. Do you tell them why you will be asking the questions, such as telling them you want to focus on what they do not know, since your time with them is limited?

Apollonia said:

The other part of your question, about things to watch for in a person's demeanor, sounds to me almost like what "cold readers" do--looking at the querent to see how s/he is responding to what is being said and tailoring the reading accordingly. I wonder if that is what you mean, because in my experience, most reputable readers go to great lengths not to do that. Personally, I will use information that I gather in that manner to alert my querent that s/he is looking or sounding a certain way, as I feel it is valuable information that they may not be picking up on (as in, "You sound so enthusiastic about becoming a teacher, but your energy goes way down when you mention psychology"), but I always let them know that I got the information by simple observation, not by reading the cards or from my guides.

Click to expand...

I know I already addressed how I feel about "cold readers," but just wanted to add that I really like your approach, to alert the querent that s/he is "looking or sounding a certain way," and to let them know that you got this information by simple observation. I would agree that a very open and honest, no-nonsense approach would work extremely well. Then the querent can trust you, knowing that you are simply being observant and taking the querent's actions into account, which is my main goal; to note observations to the querent, not to try to make it into a psychic miracle. Thank you for these tips!

Umbrae said:

Not everybody is going to be 'drawn out'. In fact there are a few folks that you’ll read for and they will just sit like a lump…you’ve had those kind, yes?

Some will sit down for a 30 minute reading, and open up, with no bidding and the next thing you know, they’ve talked for 25 minutes, and you’ve looked at 3 cards, and they’ve solved all of their own problems! Usually they will walk away with glowing comments about how good you are, and you did nothing, except provide an ear. But their problems were solved. Isn’t that one of our end goals anyways?

Click to expand...

Yes, I would have to say that is one of our goals! Hopefully the cards helped, but I can see exactly what you mean. I have not yet done in-person readings (well, a handful of times), so I haven't crossed the hurdle of having querents sitting like a lump. Although the friends I have read for over the phone, there is one that I know is sitting there like a lump!

Umbrae said:

So there you are, sitting with a client that is fully drawn out, what does that situation look like to you?

Sometimes, those that resist being drawn out are stubborn or belligerent, or just had a bad reading from a bad cold reader; and sometimes, and these folks you have to watch for, they are shy. Perhaps they don’t think their problems (which are usually huge) aren’t worth your time (but they really really are) and they just don’t want to bother you with something so trivial (and it ain’t trivial at all). See what I mean?

Click to expand...

Umbrae, wow; yes, I see what you mean. That could be a very tricky type of querent! Someone who has a serious problem, and you can clearly see it in the cards, but the person you are reading for isn't likely to be receptive to hearing what the cards have to say, are they, if they are shy and untalkative? That brings us to ...

Umbrae said:

Learn to master the open ended question. Does this make sense?

Click to expand...

I have to assume you mean questions that are not yes/no type questions. So, to draw out such a querent in a situation as you described above; I would use questions such as ... actually, I cannot think of any good open-ended questions to ask such a person, in order to impart to the querent the results of what may turn out to be a very sensitive reading that I may have found in the cards, to this untalkative querent. Or, how to get them to at least open up to me with their initial question.

Umbrae said:

Now the whole reason to draw the sitter out, is to help provide context between card meanings and the sitter.

Drawing the sitter out has nothing to do with 'Cold Readings' and Hits. The reader who sits with their head down interacting with only the cards, and not the sitter, is just as good as the reader who interacts with only the sitter and does not look at the cards (using them for a prop) in a cold reading.

Reading is all about context with the cards and the sitters life situation. Interaction provides context.

Click to expand...

Yes! Interaction provides content. And I do not want to be a reader who just sits with my head down only interacting with the cards. And that was what I was picking up from Wald and Ruth Amberstone's book, Tarot Tips. So I am definitely trying to find ways to interact with the querent without being intrusive, and certainly with no intent to cold-read.

Umbrae said:

We are not mindreaders, guessing 'what you're thinking about' using Tarot cards.

Click to expand...

Exactly! Do you find you have to explain this to certain querents; that you have to literally tell them that tarot cards are not designed to read their mind(s)? Speaking of which, I have heard that some tarot readers use them this way. Is this ever legitimate and does it have its place in legitimate tarot, or is it always false? To rephrase the question, all of us have heard of psychics who use the tarot. Are there legitimate psychics using tarot in a "mind reading" way? I believe some people are psychic, but this is part of the difficulty with being a tarot reader ... some querents expect all tarot readers to be psychic.

Umbrae said:

Edited to further add: I myself don't ask questions until the first take on the cards. Then I ask for feedback and we go over the cards together. But the first time through, I like to operate without a net.

Click to expand...

I like this advice! (and others mentioned this approach, too; thank you. ) That way you get your first reading without having feedback, as you said, operating without a net. I can do my first reading this way, doing my best reading of the cards. Then I can ask the querent for feedback. I would want to use this feedback to pull clarification cards, or to take a second look at the cards I had already thrown.

But I also want to keep the reading interactive, so that it isn't just me interacting with the cards while the querent looks on. From what people have said here, there seems to be a fine line between obtaining very little information from the querent and too much information from the querent.

Obtaining information from the querent still seems like it would make for a more productive reading; allowing one to delve more specifically into the cards. But maybe there is a case to be made for, as some have said, one's objectivity as a reader flying out the window and the reader begins to see things in the cards that really aren't the message we were meant to see.

Thanks!