~ Help me help my Grandfather...

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 10 Dec 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

kayne	10 Dec 2002
A few weeks ago my Grandfather went to hospital, knowing that something was wrong. They found aggressive cancer in the liver and spleen. He has just started kemo-theropy (sp?) and is very depressed. When I visited him on the weekend he told us that the room has ghosts and he has been having visitors but then he 'wakes up' and they are gone. The visitors sometimes seem like people from the past and sometimes people he knows now. He is very desturbed by the dreams and my parents laugh it off (they are always trying to be light-hearted around him...) as a product of the medication, which it could be... I guess what I am asking is, how can I help my Grandfather so that he isn't visited by ghosts/ancestors/nightmares? How can I help him feel at ease through this terrible time?

allibee	10 Dec 2002
Kayne, my heart really goes out to you and your grandfather at this awful time in your lives. I must say this however, it is often the case that when someone is so ill, they receive visitors to prepare them..... especially if the were a person in life that doesn't believe in all that 'afterlife mumbo jumbo'. It may well be a hallucinagenic effect of the chemo, although personally, I've never heard it happen before. What can you do about it? There is not a lot you can do about it, accept take the bull by the horns and try and get him to talk about these people - about things that happened in their lives together. This will hopefully remind him of the real relationship he had with them and therefore help him realise that they don't mean to harm him. They are just 'there', watching over him. Sometimes when we 'think' we know someone in a dream, it is just a face and personality we attach to something or someone we don't understand.... a defence mechanism, if you will. If you don't know who someone is, you liken them to someone else. My feeling is that they are keeping an eye on him, they don't mean to harm or frighten him, but as I say, if he is a person that rejected the idea of an afterlife all his life, then this will be tough initially for him. Encourage him to speak to them, or to at least acknowledge them, as he would do in life, pass the time of day with them even. Then they won't be nightmares anymore. You could meditate and talk to your own guides and ask them to help your grandfather to accept and to heal. Imagine your grandfather in a beautiful airy blue room, a warm breeze wafting through an open window. It is still and quiet except for a few birds outside singing. Then visualise him filling with bright blue healing light. Center the visualisation around where the cancer has been found, and then radiate the light out further and further until you can see his whole body practically bursting at the seams with this incredibly bright blue healing light. It is so bright you can barely watch as it starts coming out through the pores of his skin, and suddenly he has become the light, bright white blue healing light. And then slowly let the light dissapate into the room and you relax and breathe slowly, purposefully and deeply until you have released the visualisation. Thank your guide and let the manky old world we live in encroach again and bring you 'back down to earth'. Best wishes allibee

Diana	10 Dec 2002
kayne: I'm not sure it would be a good idea to get rid of these ghosts. I think your grandfather should on the contrary be encouraged to accept their presence. If they scare him, he must tell them and ask them to be less scary. They are probably there to help him and support him. Your dear grandfather is fighting a fear of death. This is the problem that needs to be tackled, and not ghosts. Could you not just talk to him frankly in private about Death and listen to what he has to say. He is probably desperately trying not to talk about it, and his hiding is fears inside himself. It should all come out into the open, even if it makes him weep for a while. Then once the torrent of fear and sorrow has poured out, he can tackle the part of dealing with it.

kayne	10 Dec 2002
Thank you both for the advise. Allibee, you are right, a few years ago (while still relatively healthy) he told us that he had come to the conclusion that there is nothing after death, that his body will become part of the earth and everything else will just be no more. I will try the visualisation you suggested. Diana, I don't know if it is my place to talk to him about this but I think I was the only one in the room who took it seriously. I think I will give it a go if I manage to visit when no one is arround. Thankyou. Anymore advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sulis	10 Dec 2002
Kayne, I must echo the thoughts of Diana and Allibee, I don`t think it would be a good idea to get rid of these visions as I think that your grandfather is having them for a reason. I will send some healing energy and some strengthening energy to you and your family to help you through this awful time. Stay stron. Crystalmynx xx

Scorpion	10 Dec 2002
Kayne I am truly sorry to hear about your grandfather. I agree with what has been said above: I think the key is to talk to him, preferably if you can get him on his own. It's understandable that your parents try to keep the conversation light-hearted: it's probably as hard for them to think about as it is for him. I think most of us will have found ourselves guilty of making light of other people's fears and concerns in an attempt to keep the atmosphere bearable, particularly in a hospital scenario. Somehow things like this are easier on a one-to-one basis where it's not so easy to brush things to one side. Perhaps one way you could do it is if he brings up, say, having seen someone you've never met would be to ask more about that person. After all, he wasn't afraid of these people while they were alive, so it might help if he can remember some good times and it might give you a clearer picture of what's going on in his mind. PS - Kayne: I've PM'd you.

Sea Sprite	10 Dec 2002
Kayne, My heart goes out to you and your grandfather. I agree with all that was said above. Have a private conversation with him. Point out to him that he loses nothing by having an open mind about the unknown, he can only learn and grow. It would also be very helpful if he does healing visualizations, meditations, affirmations for himself (mind over matter). If the dreams are horrifying, then try placing 2 small pieces of amethyst under bed pillow. You may also want to consider looking into crystal healing; put some crystals around him.

kayne	10 Dec 2002
Thanks for the advise. :) SeaSprite, I like that idea but something tells me he wouldn't be particularly open to that sort of "mumbo-jumbo". However talking to him about who he is seeing wouldn't be so hard. Thanks for the extra energy Crystalmynx, we are all really needing it right now.

Arialinna	11 Dec 2002
I am so sorry about your grandfather!:( I hope that you are taking care of yourself during this trial! I would how ever have to agree with my betters on how to handle the situation. I will ask if you want some of us to try to ease your grandfathers pain a little bit? I would gladly volinteer to help with that!

Mystick Dragon	11 Dec 2002
Damn straight! I'll help too! With the support of a hell of a lot of dragons! --Mystick Dragon

kayne	12 Dec 2002
Thanks so much Arialinna and Mystic Dragon. Any help you can send would be greatly appreciated. :)

Arialinna	12 Dec 2002
No prob! I am glad to be able to do some thing to help! If you need something esle that I can do just ask! I will do the spell to night!

The ~ Help me help my Grandfather... thread was originally posted on 10 Dec 2002 in the Spirituality board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Spirituality, or read more archived threads.