Waking this thread up.
I've never desired this deck. I'm not huge on Marseilles-style decks and I have two already, so there really isn't any need.
This, and I'm between incomes at the moment, so I really can't justify buying *anything*, especially since my whole income is less than my weekly grocery bill used to be - and I have groceries, rent, electricity and a personal debt to pay out of that!
So yes, I've stopped buying.
That being said, I found myself in a second-hand bookshop earlier today, browsing books I'd like to buy if I had a budget. Eventually I decided on a Megan Lindholm, partly because it was cheap and partly because I found out recently that many years ago she was involved with someone I know. Wandered up to the till. Glass-topped counter. Tarot decks underneath, mostly obscured by commercial detritus.
The woman pulled them all out for me, and tried very hard to sell me a DV angels deck, Healing with the Angels, or some such thing. Jeez - there I was, female, fat, middle-aged, a bit soft-looking, wearing a huge tie-dyed purple/blue/white tee-shirt as a dress ... you'd think she'd *know* from my dress and general demeanour that I was into the Hard Stuff! But no. The decks turned out to be mostly oracles, and mostly of the Fwuffi Bunni variety (imagine little circles instead of dots over the "i"s).
Through the cluttered glass I saw the word "Tarot" and a shade of blue that almost matched bits of my tee-shirt, so I asked her to fish out that one, which was just about the only one she hadn't pulled out. Tarot Balbi. Unsealed, and in an incredibly worn two-piece box: not *torn* exactly, more so well-used that the box had become furry and started disintegrating.
The cards had, too. The Minor Arcana had been put on top, and had been so well-shuffled that they were as furry as the box. I felt as though they had been well-loved, but by at least two if not three different people. I was about to add to a lineage of people who had kept and used this deck. Each and every Minor, courts included, had key-words written on them, three or four, in large cursive using a proper fountain-pen using Quink blue-black ink (yes, I know - a pen fetishist as well!). Subsequently, someone had handled at least two of the cards on a hot, sweaty day, and blurred some of the key-words.
There were four title-cards, and all of them had had white stickers put over them, and had had spreads written on them, which I might actually experiment with - one in particular looked interesting.
As soon as I saw there was writing on all of them, I asked the woman if she'd drop the price for me because of it: holding my breath, because the writing was actually a big part of their attraction for me! She capitulated, and knocked a sizeable amount off - I got a bargain on a bargain.
Taking them away, I looked through them at greater leisure at work between clients. I got to look through the Minors with growing amazement at the keywords the writer had chosen for them, especially the Courts, which were manifestly bad choices for those cards. I mean: Queen Cups - ruthlessness? King Cups - brilliant businessman, millionaire?
At the same time, this was a well-used deck. It might force its own, quirky system on me ...
Then I got to the Majors. Remember I'd said that the Minors were thinned, damaged and almost furry from constant use? Well, yeah. The Majors were even more so - for many years, I feel, it had been used daily as a 22-card majors-only deck. The Majors were so thin as to almost be translucent. Fortunately, its previous owner had only put one key-word on each of the Majors, as opposed for half-a-dozen all over the entire surface of the Minors.
The deck design itself seems quite quirky: is that a lantern the Hermit is carrying, or a vulva, or a dead fish? And the Lovers, too - the younger woman touching the chest, the older woman going straight for the genitals? And the highly decorated pips are interesting: The Five Cups, which, apparently, means "unselfishness, wisdom, generosity, strength, kindness, triumph", is full of movement, and I love the sinuous lines of the tree in the Seven Pentacles ("wealth, integrity, good business sense, successful partnerships, lifetime love").
Ironically, for someone who loves her decks and looks after them well, I probably wouldn't have bought the deck if it had been less damaged. All the wear-and-tear on it, coupled with a certain residual personal energy which I believe belongs to more than one person, giving the cards an interesting feel (I just wish I were better at psychometry) makes it compelling, as does the often uninformed writing on it which was never intended as vandalism but as an aid.
The touches of the past and the feel of other people on objects are why we keep things that belonged to our grandparents, or why we rummage eagerly through garage sales. It is the sense of undocumented history, and a rich and full history that I'll never have the chance to understand, that makes this deck a real find. Archaeology uncovering early white settlement in Sydney only just over 200 years ago where there are written records, is less interesting to me for this reason than archaeology on communities abandoned over 3,000 years ago and unmentioned an what few texts of the time survive.
I am not the only person to have felt like that: there is the novellist and poet Thomas Hardy:-
"I now not how it may be with others
Who sit amid relics of householdry
That date from the days of their mothers' mothers,
But well I know how it is with me
Continually.
I see the hands of the generations
That owned each shiny familiar thing
In play on its knobs and indentations,
And with its ancient fashioning
Still dallying:
Hands behind hands, growing paler and paler,
As in a mirror a candle-flame
Shows images of itself, each frailer
As it recedes, though the eye may frame
Its shape the same."
This copy of the Balbi has its own history. I will treasure it for that. If only the people who previously loved and used it could know that!
BTW, I didn't end up getting the Megan Lindholm book.