Face-to-face vs email readings

[herself]

This is long - apologies in advance.

[mods, I'm not sure if this belongs in the 'Your Readings' section, or, because I'm not really after interpretations of the content of the reading, if it's ok here? I'm giving some detail to add to the picture, but what I'm really interested is some feedback on not so much the content but the other stuff....]

So I belong to a private "new mums" support group on Facebook. They are all currently doing a bit of a Pay it Forward, and I decided to take the plunge and offer some readings to the group. This was a fairly big deal for me, as there are a few people I know in "real life" on the forum, and up until, well, now, tarot has always been a personal pursuit that only a few people know I am interested in. I got quite a few responses, and the readings have been going really well. No problems there.

Most of the readings so far have been via email, but I've got three people interested in a face-to-face reading. I had the first one today.

The reading started off as a three-card draw: Past: Hierophant, Present: Emperor, Future: Justice. At first, I was thinking, "what the hell?"

Then, (I love this about tarot), after talking about the cards it became apparent that Justice in the future position represented a big decision, between the Hierophant, which represented the country she had left behind, and the Emperor, representing NZ. (She'd chosen the Connolly deck, and in this the Emperor is depicted sitting outside under a clear sky with a snow-capped mountain in the background. The Hierophant meanwhile was inside a stone church that reminded me of Christ Church cathedral in Dublin - lived there for 3 years a while back).

Essentially things haven't been working out and she and her husband are trying to decide if they pack it all in and head back to Ireland.

The cards showed essentially the core situation as she already understood it, but felt like a static summary of the present. I decided to pull two more cards for each option, effectively a 'pro' and a 'con' for each. I don't do "clarifiers" as a rule, but the intent was to treat this as more of an expansion to the original draw.

The pros and cons for each were, again, things that she and her husband had already discussed, with one that's quite important to them.

There was a cup of tea as well, some chatting about families, and of course the interruptions of our respective babies (I brought mine with me, and she was surprisingly good - no grabbing at the cards on the table, etc).

So I'm pleased that I was able to eventually articulate the above, and that it bore some (actually rather significant) reflection on the major issue going on for her right now.

She said even though the cards didn't point her in one direction over the other "it was good to hear someone else say it".

So - I suppose I could call the reading a success. But - there are some things that I wasn't happy with personally, and I guess it does boil down to some of the differences between reading a draw that you perform at home, and reading one as you're sitting in front of another person.

For example:

* when I do an online reading for someone my approach is to journal a bit with the cards, find the patterns, and then write up the end result as a coherent whole. Obviously this isn't possible when you are sitting across from someone, and while we got there in the end I felt like I stammered a fair bit and tried on different approaches with the cards until we got the "snick"; one finally felt right and fit.

i.e. before I knew about her dilemma, I started off describing the cards individually. You know: "the hierophant commonly stands for..." "the emperor often represents", etc. etc. At first it felt really awkward, and a bit like I was grasping for a thread to string all three together. Only when I mentioned certain things (e.g. the Hierophant in juxtaposition with the Emperor can show lofty ideals vs practicality in the real world) did she say "aha, that must be 'the big kiwi dream' which didn't quite eventuate", which then sent me off making different (more relevant) connections.

To those of you who read face-to-face with strangers - is this how your readings progress? Do you start very generally and then move to the specific as things warm up?

And as you are "warming up", how do you keep from sounding like an idiot? (I suspect I didn't, not really, but it just feels a bit that way.)

* I'm also a bit frustrated that the draw, and the reading, just seemed to sum up what she already knew. I've had a couple of readings lately for people where this has happened. They ask for advice, and I tell them the situation (ergh). They've all been very kind and said I've given them food for thought, much to mull over, etc, but personally I still would have hoped to give them a little bit of help in moving forward.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not about "advice for advice's sake" - but I did wonder how much value they were really getting from me just reiterating / clarifying what they are going through. In cases like this, do you just leave it at that? Or should we always be trying to pass on some parting caution or encouragement?

* In terms of the verbal delivery aspect - I'm interested to know if you tend to censor/control yourself? Do you try to slow down your speech, for example? "Compose" your words as you might compose a sentence? To do this, are there things that you keep in mind while you're speaking?

Or do you just blurt it all out?


Whew, I think that's everything. Thanks for listening

 

[VGimlet]

I find the cards don't always give them the answers they want to hear, but will often help to clarify the situation.

The cards won't tell the client what to do, but will say, here are your options. Which they may already know. Sometimes if they have just one question, or they want specific information (should we move or stay) you might get a better answer, but not always.

I usually pull past-present-future cards and go on from there, usually about 2-5 cards more, depending on when the reading comes to a natural finish.

I do kind of just let it all go. I DO try to word things in a positive manner, but I don't sugar-coat negative stuff, if that makes sense.

I have found practice helps when you're doing face to face readings, and it doesn't take forever, either. It sounds like it did go well.

 

[dancing_moon]

Actually, I've never read face-to-face for strangers just yet, but I've been dealing with consulting strangers at work for a while now, and I can relate to a lot of what you're describing.

I believe it's OK to ask for a bit of silence after you've laid out the cards, to concentrate, tune in with your spirit guides, whatever. You don't have to start interpreting the cards right away. Give yourself a minute to actually see and articulate the message from your cards, especially when you're just starting.

Naturally, I try to control how I speak, and I try to slow down my speech, because I tend to talk too much and too fast when I'm nervous - and people usually have trouble processing that much information at once. Let them actually hear you, no need to flood them with words.

Also, asking questions is a nice way of getting the reading going. Let *them* talk. If you've established with your client that you aren't psychic and that you actually aren't going to impress them with guessing their question, and they're OK with it, then let them tell you a little more about the situation at hand. And yes, I often feel I sound like an idiot - but I'm sure it looks much better on the outside.

As you get more experienced, you'll probably develop a whole range of handy verbal formulas, explanations, and jokes that'll allow you to win some time and boost your confidence significantly. For now, just keep experimenting.

The situation when you seemingly need to give advice, but the cards just won't do it, is really frustrating. However, it's probably meant to be that way. Taking your reading, for example. Your friend's both options (going back to Ireland or staying in NZ) probably have advantages and drawbacks to them, so in fact it's impossible to say which option is 'better'. They can stay and work through their difficulties, or they can go home and face another set of difficulties, - it's really up to them to decide. Tarot can't make the decision for them, because it won't be easy either way. So, you just make them aware of these considerations (what if she really missed out one of them?), and the rest is their responsibility, not yours.

Hope this helps a bit.

 

[intuitiveinsight]

For me as a reader most of the readings are online.
I do however do readings by email, phone and skype. In terms of how to say what you're saying in a reading either by phone or in person, you could go within and let the cards speak to you.
The power of silence is very useful. The same goes for email readings. I just lay out the cards, not using spreads, (well rarely using them) but layout them out one at a time.

Also it's good to pull a card for the advice, but if possible help clients phrase questions.
I don't give a lot of in person readings.

 

[herself]

Thanks very much you three, for your responses

I'm trying to line up as many face-to-face readings as I can with this group. It's such a completely different discipline to reading for yourself, or even reading online. I really enjoyed it and I guess that's why I'm so interested in trying to improve my approach!

dancing_moon, that's a great idea. Start off with some questions and let them talk while you take a moment to study the cards. And it is very true that as their dilemma is one they are working through, it's not up to the cards to necessarily say one option is better than the other, but rather to clearly identify the key pros and cons for each. And I think it did that pretty well.

However - I do need to resist the urge to verbalise my thinking process, but again, I realise that just comes with practice! I'm just generally quite candid, and don't feel the need to give the illusion that I am "all-knowing", or "all-seeing" right off the bat

 

[nisaba]

To those of you who read face-to-face with strangers - is this how your readings progress? Do you start very generally and then move to the specific as things warm up?

Yes, very often.

 

[herself]

Yes, very often.

It seems obvious, right? But sitting there I started to feel paranoid. It's the way I work most of the time, but afterwards, when I was reflecting on the reading, I wondered how it worked for everyone else

 

[danieljuk]

well done herself! you did really well with the face to face readings.
I suffer social anxiety and so a little shy to do them with strangers but have done them for friends. They are much more stressful and you have to literally "flow" in the moment but also becareful not to reveal something that you might see that is unethical to reveal. I did a spread for my best friend and totally forgot a card! my mind went completely blank and this was an informal fun reading!

I much prefer to do readings online, where I have the space and time and some of the pressure and stress is off!

However I think you did really well with it

 

[herself]

Thanks danieljuk - nice to know (sorry, I don't mean your social anxiety is nice) that I'm not alone on that front.

I just came up with a new approach that I think is going to help me work on my verbal approach. I've just upgraded my iPhone to the new ios 7, and with it is the reappearance of their voice memo app.

For the rest of my readings I'm doing for this group (I have another ten to go!) I'm going to first record my impressions, and then write the reading up from there. That way I can start verbalizing my thought process, instead of going straight into text mode.

I did it just today, and I was surprised at how much more I got out of the reading then when I usually sit down and write about the cards. I took it slowly, didn't rush, and spoke for about seventeen minutes about a three-card spread. Interestingly it felt rather good! I may start doing this for all my readings now

 

[dancing_moon]

That sounds great! I might steal that idea if it's not copyrighted yet...