Saskia
Or rather, how to influence or prompt someone benevolently. Here's what I wrote about this issue (why this could be needed and why I don't think it's manipulation), and here's an example thread:
ETA: faulty link fixed!
How to encourage change in another person
1 - 2 -3
4 - 5 - 6
1 The situation
2 How to bring the issue up?
3 The best realistic outcome if I raise the issue?
4 How will the other person behave?
5 How should I make the other feel? (to see what matters to them)
6 The outcome
An example reading: the issue - how to get someone play less video games
1 Page of Swords - well, the issue is about having mental fun, exploring, playing, feeling excited by a mental challenge, and that clearly is important to this person. So, it needs to be understood and acknowledged - nobody changes their behaviour if they get more out of continuing it than changing or stopping it. Clearly this is an important matter of having fun and stretching one's mental capabilities so now the question should be: is there really a need to change their behaviour?
2 King of Swords- be direct, honest, unemotional, rely on logic: bring up the pros and cons that the playing has on the people around and also the person (lack of exercise, lack of social time with the family etc.). State your point without drama, just lay it out as it is but don't budge from your position, either.
3 Two of Swords - the person will always be of two minds: wants to play, but knows that excess is not beneficial. This seems like an ongoing issue and the person will not be able to decide only one direction (play full-on or not play at all).
4 Seven of Swords- this person will sneak behind everyone's back and most likely play when others are not at home (which is actually fine, so an OK outcome here).
5 Ten of Pentacles - that nothing is threatening the security and stability of their life. The person needs to feel stable, grounded and happy about their life as it is now and having an argument or discussion about gaming will not make this person lose what matters to them (family, home, income etc.).
6 Knight of Swords - the outcome can be a bit of a clash: this Knight is fast, furious and very frank up to the point of being rude. It's best to keep emotions in check when having this discussion (and also after) and stick to the behaviour of the King of Swords: truthful, analytical, structured and solution-oriented.
Hope this is of help!
ETA: faulty link fixed!
How to encourage change in another person
1 - 2 -3
4 - 5 - 6
1 The situation
2 How to bring the issue up?
3 The best realistic outcome if I raise the issue?
4 How will the other person behave?
5 How should I make the other feel? (to see what matters to them)
6 The outcome
An example reading: the issue - how to get someone play less video games
1 Page of Swords - well, the issue is about having mental fun, exploring, playing, feeling excited by a mental challenge, and that clearly is important to this person. So, it needs to be understood and acknowledged - nobody changes their behaviour if they get more out of continuing it than changing or stopping it. Clearly this is an important matter of having fun and stretching one's mental capabilities so now the question should be: is there really a need to change their behaviour?
2 King of Swords- be direct, honest, unemotional, rely on logic: bring up the pros and cons that the playing has on the people around and also the person (lack of exercise, lack of social time with the family etc.). State your point without drama, just lay it out as it is but don't budge from your position, either.
3 Two of Swords - the person will always be of two minds: wants to play, but knows that excess is not beneficial. This seems like an ongoing issue and the person will not be able to decide only one direction (play full-on or not play at all).
4 Seven of Swords- this person will sneak behind everyone's back and most likely play when others are not at home (which is actually fine, so an OK outcome here).
5 Ten of Pentacles - that nothing is threatening the security and stability of their life. The person needs to feel stable, grounded and happy about their life as it is now and having an argument or discussion about gaming will not make this person lose what matters to them (family, home, income etc.).
6 Knight of Swords - the outcome can be a bit of a clash: this Knight is fast, furious and very frank up to the point of being rude. It's best to keep emotions in check when having this discussion (and also after) and stick to the behaviour of the King of Swords: truthful, analytical, structured and solution-oriented.
Hope this is of help!