Intensive Deck Study (IDS) Support Lounge ~ Part IV

[NoelleNoey]

Am dropping in to update my IDS progress with the mystic faerie tarot.

Its really slow, am about 5% done with it and somehow I don't feel very satisfied with what I have studied so far. I feel like my studies too shallow, that I'm not looking/thinking deep enough.

Recently bought Lisa Hunt's faerie tale tarot and I might replace my current IDS tarot with this deck instead. However, I'm still contemplating if it's the right move and if it'll help me to get over this 'IDS block'.

 

[yukinkoicy]

So - I have to admit (and, this is going on my blog too, I think. The reason I am using a blog is it helps keep me more organized mentally, and I cannot easily keep a handwritten journal ^^; )

Anyways! I have to admit that during my time the past few days looking at all the amazing resources AT has, I got worried. About my IDS, about my choice of deck. Really worried - because almost everywhere I look, I keep seeing "start with RWS". And really - I understand why, I do - but it doesn't feel right to me. Granted my Shapeshifters is based off of the RWS but it has a much different bent - Celtic mythology and shapeshifting - and it also has different cards, plus the different elemental alignments for wands/swords. My other deck is also different - being the Celtic Dragons deck, although maybe not as different. Not even worried about my choice - I feel like this is the right deck, the perfect deck to start with - especially for why I am studying at this time. But I was really worried about.. I don't know - its hard to explain.

It's a mixture of worrying that because of this, if I ever decide to get other decks to read actively, they will be much, much harder to learn. It's also a worry, and a completely unfounded one (I think), that I will be "less" of a reader - or that people will think that I am less of one - if I don't start with the traditional deck to start with.

And just.. I guess some of the worry is still there - but after reading a thread in the archives where someone asked a question just about this, and seeing how many people told that person to do what feels right... I feel so much better. That is one of my biggest weaknesses; I am incredibly insecure, I second-guess myself all the time, and I worry about what other people think of me. And ironically enough, this is only with some things, the other things I am quite the opposite. When it hits certain things I really could care less what anyone else thinks. I don't think I have a good balance - most of me is strongly one way or the other.

Anyways - I digress. I don't know why exactly but this felt like the right place to put this because I think this is a part of my IDS - a learning experience through study, even though I don't have my deck yet. I have learned so much, read so much, absorbed so much and so many different outlooks and I just absolutely cannot wait for more learning.

I also really would like your opinions on starting out; if you want, and if that wouldn't make this go off-topic, that is.

(Also, please forgive the horrendous punctuation/grammar - I really do not remember much of the grammar I learned in school, haha.)

~Mari

 

[thorhammer]

yukinkoicy - I've read many of those threads myself, and when I re-started Tarot a couple of years ago I fell prey to those same ideas. But it worked for all of about two hours . . . my Universal Waite became my most hated deck and I gave it away in the hope that it would find a more rewarding home To this day, I don't use any of the RWS variants. I just don't like them. I've gone over to the Thoth camp, pretty much LOL but even had I not, I'd still be out there somewhere in "wacked-out-deck-land" - my favourites include crazy decks like the Wheel of Change, the MerryDay and the Songs For the Journey Home.

You do need to go your own way. This will not make you less of a reader, but more of one. I'm not of the opinion that you should cave to every whim, which is how many people seem to interpret the oft-given advice to "go with what feels right" - I think that you need to really give yourself a good hard go at discipline, lest shallowness should come from a lack of application. So if your Shapeshifter's feels right, stick with it. Give it a few months (that's really not that long a time, I promise ) and if you feel the need for something more "traditional" after that, then go for it.

FWIW - I don't think that going with the RWS is the best idea anyway. I wish wish wish I'd started with a Tarot de Marseille variant, coupled with the amazing resource that is AT. I'd be much better at numerology and I'd be more disciplined, relying less on visual stimuli and more on the real power behind a reading - that which lies within me. I think the RWS as a starting deck often - not always, but often - encourages laziness, myself

\m/ Kat

 

[yukinkoicy]

Kat - To be honest I absolutely cannot STAND the RWS, or the "clones" that look incredibly similar. It just.. it feels uncomfortable to me. Now, there are some closer variants I might like to have, but a deck really has to call to me for me to want it badly. And that's exactly what the Shapeshifter did for me, it called to me.

Thank you so much for your thoughts!!!

And I do plan on it - which is why I am doing IDS, I wanna make sure to give it time and not rush through, which I have a tendency to do.

 

[Bat Chicken]

In other news, I've been working on a draft of my email to Hermann. I've edited it a few times as to try to sound as little like a potential serial killer as possible. Would anyone be opposed to me posting it here (its not long) when its done for a bit of killer-or-not feedback?

I'd love to see it! I think that is a great idea...
For my 'day job' in the last year, I have found houses that 'speak' to me and I end up painting them, but, I also do a full history on them. This is more interesting when they are derelict because the odds of finding someone living is rare. For one house I did. I boldly contacted a 90 year old woman out of the blue and ended up learning some incredible folklore about the area in the process.You never know how someone will respond and if they do - you never know what you'll learn. I can't wait to see how it goes for you!

"I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance."
— Socrates

I love 2_Journey's version....

You do need to go your own way. This will not make you less of a reader, but more of one. I'm not of the opinion that you should cave to every whim, which is how many people seem to interpret the oft-given advice to "go with what feels right" - I think that you need to really give yourself a good hard go at discipline, lest shallowness should come from a lack of application.

Excellent advice!

 

[Mi-Shell]

Kat - To be honest I absolutely cannot STAND the RWS, or the "clones" that look incredibly similar. ....

You are not allone there.
When, as a young woman I started to lok at Tarot, all I could find were RWS decks and Marseilles - and much later the Toth... This selection did not feel like me at all and did not turn on my inner talent for reading people through images. The images, I know now, were too far removed from my reality, how I live, how I look and what my heritage is and what my path is.
I however found oracles and through making my own drum oracle and using it sucsessfully I found my way back to Tarot. I still do nor own an RWS deck, but have a couple of clones where the images speak to my soul.
Some of them have become my main public reading decks.

 

[rwcarter]

I totally understand this too. I'll have to tread a fine line as I continue posting my daily draws. On the one hand I don't want to talk in depth about my private life, but on the other hand if I don't relate the draws to my life they'll just sound vague and waffly.

When I posted my daily draws with both the Ancient Egyptian and the Transparent, I actually had two files - one on my computer that had all the details and the threads on Aeclectic that had the public/sanitized versions. So in my file I might've written that Joe Blow and I had an argument today at work and he really pissed me off and I wanted to punch him in his face, but in the daily draw thread I would've written that I had an argument with a co-worker today.

Rodney

 

[teomat]

LOL!

That's a good idea Rodney. I have started a private journal where I put in all the names (and my rants!) and go into much more detail. I guess if I compare my journal entries to my daily postings I'll know what I'm REALLY talking about.

Well I've come to the end of my High Priestess study week, and it's been very enlightening. I'm really enjoying learning my deck this way. Each card is really coming alive to me and it feels so much more deep and personal to me. I'm going to use my daily draws thread as a blog, for both recording my dailies and my notes on my study cards. Both seem to be intwining very closely since I started this and I'm looking forward to seeing how it develops.

 

[hunter]

That is one of my biggest weaknesses; I am incredibly insecure, I second-guess myself all the time, and I worry about what other people think of me. And ironically enough, this is only with some things, the other things I am quite the opposite. When it hits certain things I really could care less what anyone else thinks. I don't think I have a good balance - most of me is strongly one way or the other.
~Mari

Mari, I'm like this. For me it is because of my trauma background. Certain things trigger memories of past similar experiences and my emotions about the present incident/decision is heightened. During my childhood and marriage I was conditioned/brainwashed to think certain things. My situation is extreme so things are very obvious, but even for people with "perfect" childhoods, there is conditioning and forgotten memories that shape how the adult acts, thinks, makes decisions. The brain makes connections and generalizations that the adult is unaware of, between the past and present.

I'm most insecure about things that will make me think I'm "bad". I'll make harmful decisions for myself to keep myself from feeling "bad" in the presence of a witness. I have to keep revisiting what I think is "bad" and why I think that.

Don't be afraid to go with an unconditional deck. You can change your mind. An IDS is meant to assist not trap an individual. It is not "bad" to back out of a goal if you find the goal no longer assists you. It is often by setting a goal and starting the journey that we travel to a place where we meet a new better goal, that we wouldn't have learned about if we hadn't started the first journey.

Sometimes I can take my tarot journey too seriously. I think too much about where I am going, instead of just enjoying the moment.

Enjoy the moment with your Shapeshifter for however long it lasts. Live it intensely and fully and then move on to the next moment when it arrives and live that one, then, making your decisions informed with all you learned between now and then.

A couple times in trauma groups I been given a handout that lists basic human rights. One is to make mistakes. Another is not to have to explain myself or my decisions.

Just go for it if you want. Even if it's the "wrong" choice, so what? There are no IDS police.

There isn't any IDS police, is there???? Looking around to check :-0 Not seeing any :-0

 

[yukinkoicy]

You are not allone there.
When, as a young woman I started to lok at Tarot, all I could find were RWS decks and Marseilles - and much later the Toth... This selection did not feel like me at all and did not turn on my inner talent for reading people through images. The images, I know now, were too far removed from my reality, how I live, how I look and what my heritage is and what my path is.
I however found oracles and through making my own drum oracle and using it sucsessfully I found my way back to Tarot. I still do nor own an RWS deck, but have a couple of clones where the images speak to my soul.
Some of them have become my main public reading decks.

That is exactly it. The images do not reflect any part of me, how I live, where I want to go, or how I think. I would not mind using clones, even, if I can find one that speaks to me, that I can connect to. However - for now I shall stick to my beloved Shapeshifter.

On another note - My subconscious has superseded my physical needs. I absolutely cannot sleep right now. I'm tired, but not sleepy, not exhausted. Not enough to aggravate me. However, I have been up for almost exactly 21 hours now. Normally for me that is not a bad thing - my sleep schedule is erratic, my inner timing requires more than just 24 hours in a day so I can stay up for 20+ hours and still get enough sleep. However, yesterday I couldn't sleep well so I only got a couple hours of restless sleep.

And yet, I am completely fine with this. Hopefully my deck will be arriving tomorrow!!! If that is the case, I want to be awake when it comes so I can touch it and feel it. I want to start seeing, reading, listening. I want to draw my first card of my new deck, and start my IDS officially, start it with my cards. Ah, I am so excited.

Please forgive my crazy digression. As I have stated before, I am incredibly excited - more so than when I bought my first deck and tentatively started reading it. I'm looking forward to this - to everything, even getting bored and aggravated when I can't seem to think. Just, so psyched!