Leaving the querent with bad news

[Ace]

After reading and contributing to this thread by empress_woo_woo http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=228886 I got to thinking.

We really have a responsibility as readers to find GOOD NEWS in a reading or at least comfort for bad readings. I didn't get into this discussion about using Tarot to tell the future ( http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=225763) but I (myself) truly believe that the future is OURS to create. People so often sit down and ask me to tell them their future. Mostly because they don't have anything else to ask and also because they have heard (from everywhere) that that is what we do. Sigh.

Do you really want to believe that your future is sewn up and you CAN'T do anything to change it--good or bad?

As I told Empress_woo_woo, I believe that when we read, sometimes we try to see FORWARD on the Askasic record. This must be done carefully or we will see (and predict) bad things without realizing we can change them later for the better. Without sounding condescending, I say it is a rookie mistake, including myself who has done that when I was first learning (and stopped reading for 12 years because of it!)

The best advice I think I would give a beginner (and come to think of it, I am going to do that in the Advice? thread around here somewhere....) is to look for good news and not to believe it is all bad. Example: At one point (at a PARTY!) a man asked about his unborn child. It looked bad and on tactfully asking about it, he confirmed that it was. There wasn't much good news to give. They were trying to save the fetus (and he was nodding along with me as I spoke) but finally I asked the cards for something (anything!) good to say. I pointed at him and said, "you tell your wife it wasn't anything she did, sometimes these things just happen." He sat back and looked at me, "Thanks, everyone keeps asking what my wife did to cause this." (I never found out the outcome or what exactly was going on but I think it was a heart issue that would not let the baby survive until birth.) It was just a "well, it happens." and I gave him some comfort, which is good enough sometimes. I was not SURE it would end badly--but It was not at all good. Maybe 40% of survival. But I found comfort for him and THAT is our responsibility.

So, when you read, look for good news as well as the answer to their question. And be careful, you querents, what you ask. To ask for the WHOLE future is too much and you will be annoyed by vague responses from the reader. When you ask for something special, you must realize that the REAL question is HOW do I get the outcome I want? Not just WILL I get it? Since we all are here to strive for the outcomes we want.

I hope I made sense.
Barb

 

[closerwalking]

leaving the querant with bad news.

Thanks Barb for such a thoughtful post. I too avoid predicting the future, as nothing is set in stone. It is great fun when the spread is positive, which vast majority of the time it is, and I so much want to please the querant, tempting to want to always have "good" cards show up, But your example shows how that would have made the father feel so alone, lost. rather how the cards and your tactful questions, helped him open up, by meeting him where he was. It astounds me how loving and wise these cards, images can truly be. Is beautiful how that unfolded. my hat off to you for great sensitivity in this. this is the tricky aspect of being a reader. trusting what shows up.

 

[EyeAmEye]

Why do you necessarily believe it is a responsibility of the reader to find good news? Don't you think that mindset is automatically creating an interpreting bias?

The only real responsibility a reader should have is a neutral mindset when reading. If the reading indicates the good, you give the good. If it indicates the bad, you give the bad. It is not anyone's responsibility to search for one or the other if it isn't there, nor feel the need to do so.

If you feel you should look for the good, then by all means do so. By there is no overlying imperative to do so.

 

[tarotbear]

Why do you necessarily believe it is a responsibility of the reader to find good news? Don't you think that mindset is automatically creating an interpreting bias?

If you feel you should look for the good, then by all means do so. By there is no overlying imperative to do so.

Unfortunately - delivering 'bad news' is part of reading Tarot ... if it wasn't - then all 78 cards would be The World card.

However, there is much to be said for compassion and TACT. It is one thing to say that there seems to be a major catastrophe heading in the Querent's direction and then helping them sort out some of the difficulties about it, and quite another to spread the cards and declare 'All The Members Of Your Family Will DIE When The Hindenburg Tries To Land In New Jersey' and then scoop up the cards and walk away leaving them destitute ...

 

[closerwalking]

delivering "bad" news

I have worked with the I Ching for almost 20 years, starting when i was in deep abyss personally, that nothing else was helping me with, and believe me I searched high and low for help, I had also been very spiritual person, and none of my spiritual practices or kindred communities or kindred friends could help me out this deep funk place I landed in. I Ching was the only thing that helped me, and through using that oracle, I met the beautiful Sage presence, that never leaves you hanging. it would always lead me into the abyss, step by step, gently peeling back layer after layer. during that time, my readings were long, complex ones. would often take a while to get to the beautiful aha moment. Thing I am struggling with in using tarot decks is how to help people get that personal level of help for their issues. is different in that now I am working with pictures which speak a a thousand words. so is simplifying but also more room for error in understanding the communication. For me I approach Tarot as oracle, a way to have conversation with beneficial Helpers of querant's choice. of the invisible realm. The Sage that I met through the I Ching is wise, and knows what is going on within a person, and the best way to unravel it. From my own experience of being in such a dark place that nothing was helping me, none of my trusted methods, friends, etc. made a dent, until I met the Sage. So I never want to leave a querant hanging. Some readings are quick, others, the person is just beginning to address something, is fragile. So it is vital to be sensitive to where the querant is. and allow the cards to lead the way to completion. I use a different method of spreads, where I do not start off with set amount of cards to draw, or set intention for what the cards mean. Rather allow the reading to unfold. card by card.

 

[EyeAmEye]

However, there is much to be said for compassion and TACT. It is one thing to say that there seems to be a major catastrophe heading in the Querent's direction and then helping them sort out some of the difficulties about it, and quite another to spread the cards and declare 'ALL THE MEMBERS OF YOUR FAMILY WILL DIE WHEN THE HINDENBURG TRIES TO LAND IN NEW JERSEY' and then scoop up the cards and walk away ...

I must have slipped into another universe again, since I don't recall suggesting a fire and brimstone approach to reading...

Tact does not necessarily have to include a positively colored interpretation of a reading that may very well not include anything positive to impart. If you go into a reading specifically looking for something positive because you believe you are responsible to do so, how on earth can your interpretation of the reading not be skewed?

I've had some very positive readings for people. Had some fairly negative ones, too. In both cases, I stated what I saw to the best of my ability. Maybe I am just a unique charismatic character that can get away with telling someone they are going to drop dead 5 minutes from now, but nobody seemed to have a problem with what I've said either way.

 

[tarotbear]

I must have slipped into another universe again, since I don't recall suggesting a fire and brimstone approach to reading....

I believe the title of this tread is 'Leaving the Querent with Bad News'; it does not specify the manner in which the 'bomb is dropped', but that fact that the bomb must be dropped.

 

[EyeAmEye]

I believe the title of this tread is 'Leaving the Querent with Bad News'; it does not specify the manner in which the 'bomb is dropped', but that fact that the bomb gets dropped.

What's your point?

If the bomb needs to be dropped, you drop it. Dropping bombs cannot always be delivered in a rosy fashion.

I understand the desire to coddle someone when delivering bad news. The downside to this is a growing inability for people to take the negative in life. Every cloud does not have a silver lining, witty phrase notwithstanding.

To give an example, I had a friend ask for a reading once regarding a business idea. The idea itself was, for lack of a better term, stunk. The proposed business partners were completely unreliable. The reality of the situation was only the hand of God could have brought a positive outcome. I informed him of such as flatly as I possibly could. The only positive outcome would have been to abandon the idea altogether.

Fast forward a few months, he didn't heed the advice, the business idea crashed and burned, he lost some money, had a fallout with his partners. Came back asking me to read on why it failed...

I felt no compulsion to find the positive in a situation that had no positive.

 

[closerwalking]

helping a person in a dark place in their journey.

You can only lead someone as far as you have gone yourself. secondly it is hard sometimes to remember what it was like when we first started our own journey, Now we are ok with the darker cards, but for some folks just beginning to face their own darkness, this is terrifying. Is vitally important to meet the person where they are. The Sage has been wonderful model for me in that regard, so I follow it's example. Anyone who has truly faced their own darkness, ie, landed in the dark abyss knows this. and anyone who has not dealt with their own darkness cannot truly help another. it is very hard to read the cards neutral. I am not sure that is even possible, truly, if we are honest with ourselves.

 

[Chimera Dust]

I don't believe that readers have an obligation to give good news. Otherwise, there would be no need for cards, since readers could just tell the sitter nice things. Sometimes, people just have to be honest with the person who is paying them to hear the truth. I wouldn't see a reader who told me things just because they were nice. Like EyeAmEye says, there's no need for a "fire and brimstone approach" because it's possible to be honest while also being tactful and compassionate.

Take doctors, for example. If a patient's chances of survival are very slim, they can't tell the patient's family that their loved one will be out and about the next day. They have to be honest, but they can (and should) deliver the news with tact.

I don't believe that the future is set in stone, either. That doesn't mean that the likely outcome of a certain course of action will never look grim. When I reader for others or myself, I try to include advice cards and even include the likely outcomes or pros and cons of different courses of action. I'm not a professional, but when I read for other people, I think that communication makes a difference. I tell people that a Tarot reading isn't meant to be a solution but a tool to help them along and that they're the ones who need to make decisions and figure out how they feel. I also explain my views on the future not being set in stone, and will give them room to ask questions if they need further clarification on something I've said. Those things help make a reading more balanced, I think, without having to downplay negative things.

Of course, like I've said, I'm not a professional. I just do what I'd want a professional to do if I were paying them for a reading, which would be to give me an unbiased perspective on things and help me look at the situation from different angles.