Hi there blessing for you xx
Well the happiest relationship is where trust is.
It looks like there was a struggle with trust.
You weren't sure if the other half was 100 percent honest with.
Trust totally disappeared by the end of the relationship when I broke it off.
That lead to over controlling
Also I can see someone's pessimistic way of being having huge impact on the situation as well.
I mean I am not perfect I have pessimistic points... but he is very very very pessimistic. Also when I am around him or let him into my life...I start feeling suffocated for some reason...and he's not doing anything. Like his presence suffocates me.
Like one of you from the beginning we're expecting the worst to happened.
Someone entered that relationship without faith.
He did.. you'll understand when I message you deeper information
After some time it was more like being use to each other and feeling comfortable being around someone in the house than loving each other and supporting each other.
Feel into a habit of just being with each other.. there was comfort, being use to each other, and knowing each other well enough. Became kind of like a safe haven because really no guessing present.
Routine of life came in.
I get a feeling like you were the one who wanted this "crazy" interesting life.
Like you have always wanted more.
You were getting excited about things and also motivated to action somehow the other half were dining your light.
If dining means diming. Yes, this is so... I really truly realized it when I broke up with him. He changed stuff in his life, reached back out and we met up. I realize just from that time of being separate... how opposite we were... he was like a black cloud...pessimistic & depressed like. And I was as he always told me very bubbly and optimistic (even though I didn't see that in myself) But I understand why he saw it because we approach life and had such opposite personalities.
You were simply frustrated because it's seems like you have been flooding theirs life with excitement opportunities and it wasn't appreciated in some cases even rejected.
Yes
You were suffering because there was co common passion shared and you felt like you are not developing.
Yep, realized we were common and nothing was developing.. I mean I wasn't developing. I felt stagnant which might be why I felt the suffocated feeling.
I'm getting this impression that you felt like your life was sucked away you couldn't get motivated anymore you knew it was their fault.
Very true
I'm sorry but I'm getting emotions of anger and disapproval as well.
You didn't feel accepted.
And they've done something to harm you on purpose as well.
Yes, it was an intentional choice to hurt me.
You had this illusion like there's no way to get out of it at the end...
But all of those events and this relationship was created for you to make you realise how fierce and confident person you can be.
I mean this was sent for you to open your eyes as you had illusion of being weak person not able to do things on your own.
I truly believe there was an element of illusion...for a moment I felt like I was the weaker party... something was wrong with me. Then I realized really it was really him. I was 20x more confident than him....20x more 'fierce'...energetic...outgoing. I never see myself as outgoing. But, realizing that from all my relationships that really I am a very outgoing.....live on the edge type person even though I need to a dim light home with no one there to recharge.
You always felt like you need someone to do "things"
And this chaotic break up made you realise that you are more than able to achieve what you want on your own.
You have learned how to respect yourself how to be yourself and how to fight for your own good.
I do believe on some level I need someone...and I know I am the type that does things on their own...my family points out that trait in me. That I am always willing to do what I want even if others don't agree. But, on some level I want someone who is on the same brain wave.. and I end up attaching myself to the wrong people. I also learned boundaries more.....I learned I don't need a reason to not want to do something. I always felt like I never needed a reason to do something....but I never understood the fact I never needed a reason to not do something if that makes sense. But, I felt being around him for 5 years, I started looking for approval in some odd way.
In fact I feel like it was your awakening.
There's no need to grieve after this relationship because beautiful change cheapened in your life
Correct me if I'm not right but it feels like you discovered healing abilities in you short after this.
I wouldn't say I have any healing abilities...at least none I notice. But, I notice a major difference of who I am now and who I was just a year ago, or two years ago, or when we first got together which was 5 years ago
What I'm getting as well...in order to move on from it you have to show gratitude for this relationship because it opened beautiful door for you.
Being grateful (even though sometimes it feels impossible) is the best way to heal
I can see that this relationship made you strong
I never thought of doing that... maybe something I need to add.
Sending my blessing for you and waiting for supporting questions if needed
My supporting questions are....
I seem to still hold onto the idea that there is something still there for me in our relationship, but I don't know why I still have that idea even though I can clearly see that there is nothing here for me. How can I make my heart realize what my head has or vice versa (head realize what my heart has)?
Cards
"Nine of air"
"The star"
"Eight of air"
