Reading Boundaries: Referrals and Refusals

[nisaba]

So, I was wondering. Under what conditions would you refuse someone a reading because you thought they needed more than you could give them? Have you done this?

and

Under what conditions would you refer someone to another person, because you felt you couldn't help? Have you done this?

I have refused readings because the querent was getting addicted to readings (trying to have them every second day) in preference to actually living her life.

I have refused a reading to someone who was manifestly very young, because I didn't feel it was a very good idea.

So far I haven't actually refused a reading to someone with mental health issues or legal issues or whatever, but I keep a list of numbers in my Travelling Reader's Kit, and I *do* refer people to appropriate services. Often they'll take a referral from me when they've previously hotly argued with their doctor then refused to see the specialist or agency.

I suppose it is a question of how you keep yourself and your querents safe, in the psychological sense.

I like to believe my behaviour is best practice in this regard. I may be wrong, but then, so may anyone.

 

[214red]

reading this and a few other threads over this past week has made me decide to run a tarot discussion group locally, so we can discuss such subjects, thanks Aerin

 

[blackbird78]

I put no restrictions on the questions that my clients can ask me. I do not do general spreads because I don't thinkthe information given is specific enough soIactively ask my clients for questions - on finances to their health.

The hardest questions I have had to answer have been from people who come to me who are educationally subnormal. I have had carers bring these sorts of people to me and I find it impossible to do readings as their lives are stunted, their pasts were stunted and their futures are stunted (as compared to a client of average intelligence). It is very hard to tellthem things because they arent capable of maintaining romantic relationships, jobs, education or even live independently yet they want to know great things about their future. These are the hardest readings for me and I'm not ethically sure if I should be performing these readings but howcan I say "sorry I can't read for you?" What reasons would I give and for some reason,I get a lot of these clients. (I also practice palmistry and their palms are impossible to read)

I am not frightened of mentally ill clients. I am trained in many aspects of psychotherapy, mental health, counselling, life coaching etc. In fact I have a specialempathyfor these clients as I too have serious mental illness (schizoaffective disorder which is a bit like having both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and anorexia as well as a history of alcohol and drug problems).Usually the mentally ill are the clients I can help the most and the cards make much more sense for them as I can intuitively and accurately feel what they are going through, things they need to get better and what the outcomewill be. But usually they are under the care of a doctor or psychiatrist so I don't have to worry about referral. With mental Ilnness too,I am a Reiki Master who specialises in treating mental and emotional problems and I always ask them if they would like some Reiki to help and the results have been amazing.Last night, aclient who suffers from severe depression had a Reiki treatment for depression and she said it was like she could feel all the bad thoughts being pulled out of her head by my hands. This woman credits my Tarot and Reiki for saving her life. She said the first time she came to see me she had nothing to live for and was going to kill herself but because i understood her situation and could help, she has a brand new lease on life.

Last week I had 2 clients asking me when their sick husbands were going to die so they could run off with their lovers. I have had people ask me to predict death on many occasions. These are the hardest questions to deal with and feel positively immoral to me. They put me in a very difficult position.

I use the thoth and they tend to be brutally honest but if someone was asking me about theirfinances and the cards predicted disaster, I would ask them in advance, are you sure you can handle the brutal truth or do you want a gentler reading? Most people who come to me want the brutal truth so I give it to them -after all i do ask in advance.

but yes, people coming asking 'will he leave his wife for me?' is tiresome.

Personally the more intelligent and open a person is, the more I can answer their questions.

blackbird x

 

[NamasteIndia]

This is a very informative thread.
When i initially started reading tarot couple of years ago i asked this question in many indian tarot community but got very vague answers.

I had a really tough time dealing with people. Once a alcoholic person walked in asking for guidance. He kept saying that someone as cast a blackmagic spell on him. I told him i will give him reiki distance healing and he should inform me after 2 days the result.

But i never heard from him again he keeps meeting me in middle of road repeating the same thing that the spell is still effective. People have told me he is mentally ill and taking very high medications.

After that couple of other people kept coming to me saying the same stuff about black magic. I have stopped taking people inside my house. Now i only do online readings. And very specifically i have mentioned in my site that dont ask for blackmagic remedies etc.

There were people who are addicted to readings and keep coming back every week not for reading actually but to vent out their frustrations and boost their ego.

I am really scared of one-to-one readings because you never know about the person and what is their real intentions.

I have referred many tarot addicted people to other reader so that they stop bothering me. Reading once in 6 months is OK but person turning up at your doorstep every other day is a nightmare.

I remember asking this doubt to a counsellor when i was too depressed and frustrated with the issues. The counsellor being a staunch catholic suggested that i quit this tarot career and find other vocation...

 

[Teheuti]

I always thought that Tarot only brings things up that you are ready to see, but well maybe not.

I tend to assume this, too. But sometimes information comes up as peripheral or supporting details in the cards and that doesn't always have to be directly dealt with.

One reading for an older, well-dressed and obviously affluent woman showed some kind of problem with a child. The woman kept insisting there was no problem - that her son was wonderful and everything was fine - even though he was in his mid-30s, living at home, out of work (and obviously not "fine"). Her denials were so vehement that they were almost frightening. In fact, she very strongly denied that anything I said related to her life. I said that I was sure she was right and returned her money. I consider it one of the most disturbing readings I've ever done.

 

[Floss]

When confronted with someone whose perceptions are clearly other than accepted reality, I tend to pedal 'softly', chat, smile and appear very interested.

I had a person the other day, foreign accent, we chatted a little and I asked her which country she was from. She told me her home was 'on another planet,' she had 'walked into this body at 14 yrs old', she was 6,000 years old, and was here on a 'mission to help the earth.' (Well - naturally! Of course she was!) She was very intelligent, well spoken, not obviously psychotic (apart from what she was saying!) calm, and looked pretty ordinary. We had a 15 min reading where she chatted on to me for almost 45 minutes, gave me a precise rundown of how the whole 'walk-in' interplanetary mission thing works, and told me in no uncertain terms that humans on this planet, even though we think we are the most intelligent and evolved, are actually the lowest. (Gee thanks!!).

The cards for this woman looked like hell. The tower, 5 pents, 9 and 10 swords, Devil, 7 cups, 9 wands.

 

[moderndayruth]

I had a person the other day, foreign accent, we chatted a little and I asked her which country she was from. She told me her home was 'on another planet,' she had 'walked into this body at 14 yrs old', she was 6,000 years old, and was here on a 'mission to help the earth.' (Well - naturally! Of course she was!) She was very intelligent, well spoken, not obviously psychotic (apart from what she was saying!) calm, and looked pretty ordinary. We had a 15 min reading where she chatted on to me for almost 45 minutes, gave me a precise rundown of how the whole 'walk-in' interplanetary mission thing works, and told me in no uncertain terms that humans on this planet, even though we think we are the most intelligent and evolved, are actually the lowest. (Gee thanks!!).

This reminds me of the plot of K-PAX ...
I've dealt with my share of delusional sitters, but not to this extreme.

 

[Aerin]

I tend to assume this, too. But sometimes information comes up as peripheral or supporting details in the cards and that doesn't always have to be directly dealt with.

One reading for an older, well-dressed and obviously affluent woman showed some kind of problem with a child. The woman kept insisting there was no problem - that her son was wonderful and everything was fine - even though he was in his mid-30s, living at home, out of work (and obviously not "fine"). Her denials were so vehement that they were almost frightening. In fact, she very strongly denied that anything I said related to her life. I said that I was sure she was right and returned her money. I consider it one of the most disturbing readings I've ever done.

Maybe some messages are meant for the reader???????? Or perhaps to sit in the querent's mind until they are ready for them.

(ETA: May not be around for a while, need to go and sort stuff out...)

 

[MareSaturni]

I always thought that Tarot only brings things up that you are ready to see, but well maybe not.

I think many people think they are ready to see this or that, and when the monster show it's teeth they find out they are not. It has happened to me so many times in therapy. I walk triumphantly into my therapist's office like some sort of St. George ready to slay some dragons and walk out in tears because the dragon proves so much bigger than i for the time being.

Thinking that we are ready and being ready are different things, and sometimes we don't even know where we are .

I'm very interested in this thread, because i have trouble drawing the line as well. Of course, i know that if a sitter asks me whether they are healthy enough to conceive a child i'll refer them to a doctor, possibly even give them a telephone number.

But i wonder... where does the tarot reading end, and the therapy begins? When we read for a querent about their attitudes, anxieties or insecurities, aren't we doing to some point the work or a therapist, without being trained to deal with some monsters that show up along the path?

How do you, more professional readers, know when this reading is for you and when the querent should see a more specialized help?

 

[saleeneh]

Great thread

It is a valid point with many querents using readings as therapy, due to the economy and lack of insurance. Where do you draw the line? There are a lot of really hurting and strange people in the world but in my experience the ones that you really have to be on guard from are the ones that seem the most "normal" and have the most "perfect" lives, they can be really scary.