Master_Margarita
Expanded Star of Discovery with Whole Deck
Just because I wasn't exposed enough before, I expanded my Star to include the minors, as Jette's update to the book suggests.
-------------------------4. ANGER-----------------------------------
--------------------------Death Rx-----------------------------------
----------------9 of Pentacles, Queen of Wands-----------------------
5. SECRECY---------------------------------------------3. INFERIORITY
The Hermit-------------------------------------------The Hierophant Rx
9 of Swords, King of Wands-------------------8 of Cups, Page of Swords
---------------------------1. DENIAL-------------------------
---------------------------Strength Rx------------------------------
-----------------4 of Cups, Queen of Pentacles-----------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------
6. SELF-LOATHING-----------------------------------2. ANXIETY-----------
The Chariot Rx--------------------------------------The High Priestess Rx--
9 of Wands, Page of Wands---------------4 of Wands, Queen of Pentacles-
Overall note: all major arcana from the first half of the deck—nothing past Death. The critical combination for interpreting this spread is the appearance of the High Priestess, the Hierophant and the Hermit in one spread.
Suits for minors and courts: 5 Wands, 3 Pentacles, 2 Cups, 2 Swords, so Wands predominate—the most important shadow area is that of spiritual creativity in everyday life
Numbers for minors: two 4s, two 8s, three 9s. Nines signify extremes, of horror, happiness, duty, achievement, depending on the suit. Slight lack of balance, could be exhilarating or disturbing.
Courts: 2 Pages, 3 Queens (one repeated), one King—no knights
1. DENIAL/Strength Rx: “Rage versus Compassion”
Minor arcana: 4 of Cups
Court card: Queen of Pentacles
What condition do I want to avoid? I am in denial about my actual lack of self-mastery. I pretend I have it all together, even to myself. I pretend I am strong, but I know I am weak and I despise this at heart. This card relates to my Chariot of Self-Loathing in position 6. I am in denial about how much self-loathing I experience. I really want the strength that I pretend to have in order to feel good about myself.
What am I hesitant to develop? I am hesitant to connect with my “lower” self. I repress my animal nature, by living in my head and deny my emotions and body. I deny my own rage and destructive aggression (refer to Death in position 4, “Anger”).
What am I afraid of discovering? What is the blind spot that blocks my growth? I am afraid of my anger and pride. I am afraid of making peace with the dark side of my nature and extending that compassion to others.
WHERE is the shadow of Strength operating? In the realm of the emotional. The shadow meaning of the 4 of Cups is: being stuck in some endless horrible cycle; condemned to live in a way that you feel sucks the life out of you; being unable to shake off obsessions and compulsions, though you feel trapped by them; losing your love of life; feeling unreal and not properly alive at all.
HOW does the shadow of Strength present itself in my personality? I think this is a shadow gift symbolized here: I do not recognize that I am a practical, domestic woman; that I can feel happy and secure about my home and family; that I am a natural carer; and that I am a good manager, in both financial and practical ways
2. ANXIETY/High Priestess Rx: “Superficiality versus Intuition”
Minor arcana: 4 of Wands
Court: Queen of Pentacles
When do I get nervous, anxious, touchy or sensitive with others? I am most anxious when I must stand up for myself in opposition to others and then project on them that they dislike me.
I am anxious when I think I am being judged by others as inferior.
Fear of my unconscious causes me to feel anxious. Having others look beneath my surface makes me self-conscious, because I feel anxious that others would reject me if they saw my true self beneath the mask. I fear that I am empty beneath the superficial surface.
The shadow gift of the High Priestess to me is an understanding and acceptance of the difficult and painful aspects of spiritual enlightenment.
WHERE is the shadow of the High Priestess operating? In the realm of spiritual creativity in everyday life. Shadow meanings of 4 of Wands: being held back, feeling like a prisoner; “the grass is always greener”—but is it really?; a celebration or party goes rather wrong; finally getting away from a situation that’s constrained you; finding the courage to escape from a controlling home life
HOW does the shadow of the High Priestess present itself in my personality? Paying too high a price for security; wondering if you have somehow ended up in a gilded cage; suspecting that, in a domestic situation, all is not as calm and respectable as it seems
3. INFERIORITY/Hierophant Rx: “Fanaticism versus Inner Conscience”
Minor arcana: 8 of Cups
Court: Page of Swords
My immediate reaction, and one from which I have not swerved, is that this card would represent my extremely critical parents. And the Catholic Church. A dutiful daughter, I listened too carefully and learned their lessons too well, and now have made them my own. Those judgmental voices in my own head make me feel inferior. It is, however, my responsibility to remove them now.
When do I most lack confidence? When I am trying to break free from hierarchical structures (the Church, the law) and develop my individuality and creativity. By extension I am most lacking in confidence when I stand up to any authority. I am very status-conscious; rely on external authorities to validate me because I don’t have enough faith in my own judgment about my own value—the Anxiety I feel embodied by the High Priestess underscores that I don’t trust my own intuition and inner knowings about myself.
What event or situation from the past may have caused this shadow to grow? Having extremely critical parents. Having three older sisters who seemed so much more accomplished than I, and with whom I was constantly trying to play catch-up. Selecting a highly-critical (or so he seems to me) husband so I can play out the drama all over again.
WHERE is the shadow of the Hierophant operating? In the realm of the emotional (don’t I know it!). Shadow meanings of the 8 of Cups: deciding to go through a difficult period in order to reach long-term security; moving away from an oppressive, depressing situation; trying to escape from negative cycles and habits, all of which I am doing right now.
HOW does the shadow of the Hierophant present itself in my personality? Not being guarded enough—there’s danger about; bravely facing up to a threat that has to be defeated; acting alone, when it might be wiser to ask for help; paranoia, seeing enemies all around
4. ANGER/Death Rx: “Stagnation versus Transformation”
Minor arcana: 9 of Pentacles
Court: Queen of Wands
What qualities in a person do I most dislike or have the most difficulty dealing with? Well, I absolutely hate being ignored.
I hold grudges to a depth I am rarely able to come to conscious awareness of. It is killing me to cling to the grudges of my past, for example, against my parents and the Catholic Church. Indeed the shadow meanings of this card include living in the past, not being able to let go of what is no longer useful, an unwillingness of experience emotional pain, blocking out sad feelings, and staying stuck. Yup, that about sums it up.
WHERE is the shadow of Death operating? In the realm of physical reality and the body. Shadow meanings of the 9 of Pentacles: wealth that came by dubious means, being proud and arrogant about the material comfort you’ve received, using your money and position selfishly, without regard to others.
HOW does the shadow of Death present itself in my personality? Someone whose sensuality is disturbing, overwhelming energy, a woman who tends to draw you into her world, a vain, self-absorbed woman, a neurotic attention-seeker
5. SECRECY/Hermit: “Fear of the Dark versus Patient Solitude”
Minor arcana: 9 of Swords
Court: King of Wands
What do I rarely talk about with others? Probably refers to my fear of death that I never discuss with anyone, especially since one of the shadow meanings listed is being unable to accept aging or death. Oh, also the fact that I feel so emotionally immature and stunted—like clinging to some emotions about Joel for so very, very long. It is fair to say that I run away from my problems as a way of keeping them secret, even from myself.
What do I fear that people will find out about me? That I am childish and self-centered at my core. What do I think would happen if someone discovered my secret? That they wouldn’t like me anymore. This is one reason that I cut myself off from the world--because I am afraid of being known for myself.
What secret does my shadow reveal? That there is nothing behind the mask--or at least that I fear that people will see nothing behind the mask, and I must rely on other people to tell me who and what I am.
WHERE is the shadow of the Hermit operating? In the realm of the mind and my psychological well-being. Shadow meanings of the 9 of Swords: invoking dark dreams and visions, deliberately courting danger, experiencing fear after talking/seeing/thinking about horrors, feeling unable to ask for help with feelings of panic, being afraid of going mad—though deep down you know this is irrational
HOW does the shadow of the Hermit present itself in my personality? A fantasist who imagines herself to be much more important than she is, an attention-seeker, someone pompous who expects all around her to follow her lead
6. SELF-LOATHING/Chariot Rx: “Conflict versus Balanced Control”
Minor arcana: 9 of Wands
Court: Page of Wands
When am I most dissatisfied with myself? When I fail to exercise self-discipline. When I am not perfect.
What do I need to discover? That I want to rebuild myself completely because I feel that I am totally unsatisfactory as I am. I am willing to accept myself only if I can create an improved version. I am unwilling to accept myself as I am. I relate this to the High Priestess of Anxiety in position 2. I want to rebuild myself in a fashion so that I can receive accolades from others (see Hierophant, position 3), because that is the only way I can receive reassurance—from external sources. I hate that.
WHERE is the shadow of the Chariot operating? In the realm of spiritual creativity in everyday life. Shadow meanings of the 9 of Wands: a manic determination to keep on with an old struggle, exhaustion and depression from a fight that’s gone on too long, bravely doing your duty—without realizing that you might be on the wrong side, pretending to be obedient and dutiful, but there’s a hidden agenda
HOW does the shadow of the Chariot present itself in my personality? Hidden passions, energies put into negative activities, nature in a form that is uncontrolled and threatening, over-enthusiasm or an obsession with something.
And there you have it. Me and my shadow.
M_M~
Just because I wasn't exposed enough before, I expanded my Star to include the minors, as Jette's update to the book suggests.
-------------------------4. ANGER-----------------------------------
--------------------------Death Rx-----------------------------------
----------------9 of Pentacles, Queen of Wands-----------------------
5. SECRECY---------------------------------------------3. INFERIORITY
The Hermit-------------------------------------------The Hierophant Rx
9 of Swords, King of Wands-------------------8 of Cups, Page of Swords
---------------------------1. DENIAL-------------------------
---------------------------Strength Rx------------------------------
-----------------4 of Cups, Queen of Pentacles-----------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------
6. SELF-LOATHING-----------------------------------2. ANXIETY-----------
The Chariot Rx--------------------------------------The High Priestess Rx--
9 of Wands, Page of Wands---------------4 of Wands, Queen of Pentacles-
Overall note: all major arcana from the first half of the deck—nothing past Death. The critical combination for interpreting this spread is the appearance of the High Priestess, the Hierophant and the Hermit in one spread.
Suits for minors and courts: 5 Wands, 3 Pentacles, 2 Cups, 2 Swords, so Wands predominate—the most important shadow area is that of spiritual creativity in everyday life
Numbers for minors: two 4s, two 8s, three 9s. Nines signify extremes, of horror, happiness, duty, achievement, depending on the suit. Slight lack of balance, could be exhilarating or disturbing.
Courts: 2 Pages, 3 Queens (one repeated), one King—no knights
1. DENIAL/Strength Rx: “Rage versus Compassion”
Minor arcana: 4 of Cups
Court card: Queen of Pentacles
What condition do I want to avoid? I am in denial about my actual lack of self-mastery. I pretend I have it all together, even to myself. I pretend I am strong, but I know I am weak and I despise this at heart. This card relates to my Chariot of Self-Loathing in position 6. I am in denial about how much self-loathing I experience. I really want the strength that I pretend to have in order to feel good about myself.
What am I hesitant to develop? I am hesitant to connect with my “lower” self. I repress my animal nature, by living in my head and deny my emotions and body. I deny my own rage and destructive aggression (refer to Death in position 4, “Anger”).
What am I afraid of discovering? What is the blind spot that blocks my growth? I am afraid of my anger and pride. I am afraid of making peace with the dark side of my nature and extending that compassion to others.
WHERE is the shadow of Strength operating? In the realm of the emotional. The shadow meaning of the 4 of Cups is: being stuck in some endless horrible cycle; condemned to live in a way that you feel sucks the life out of you; being unable to shake off obsessions and compulsions, though you feel trapped by them; losing your love of life; feeling unreal and not properly alive at all.
HOW does the shadow of Strength present itself in my personality? I think this is a shadow gift symbolized here: I do not recognize that I am a practical, domestic woman; that I can feel happy and secure about my home and family; that I am a natural carer; and that I am a good manager, in both financial and practical ways
2. ANXIETY/High Priestess Rx: “Superficiality versus Intuition”
Minor arcana: 4 of Wands
Court: Queen of Pentacles
When do I get nervous, anxious, touchy or sensitive with others? I am most anxious when I must stand up for myself in opposition to others and then project on them that they dislike me.
I am anxious when I think I am being judged by others as inferior.
Fear of my unconscious causes me to feel anxious. Having others look beneath my surface makes me self-conscious, because I feel anxious that others would reject me if they saw my true self beneath the mask. I fear that I am empty beneath the superficial surface.
The shadow gift of the High Priestess to me is an understanding and acceptance of the difficult and painful aspects of spiritual enlightenment.
WHERE is the shadow of the High Priestess operating? In the realm of spiritual creativity in everyday life. Shadow meanings of 4 of Wands: being held back, feeling like a prisoner; “the grass is always greener”—but is it really?; a celebration or party goes rather wrong; finally getting away from a situation that’s constrained you; finding the courage to escape from a controlling home life
HOW does the shadow of the High Priestess present itself in my personality? Paying too high a price for security; wondering if you have somehow ended up in a gilded cage; suspecting that, in a domestic situation, all is not as calm and respectable as it seems
3. INFERIORITY/Hierophant Rx: “Fanaticism versus Inner Conscience”
Minor arcana: 8 of Cups
Court: Page of Swords
My immediate reaction, and one from which I have not swerved, is that this card would represent my extremely critical parents. And the Catholic Church. A dutiful daughter, I listened too carefully and learned their lessons too well, and now have made them my own. Those judgmental voices in my own head make me feel inferior. It is, however, my responsibility to remove them now.
When do I most lack confidence? When I am trying to break free from hierarchical structures (the Church, the law) and develop my individuality and creativity. By extension I am most lacking in confidence when I stand up to any authority. I am very status-conscious; rely on external authorities to validate me because I don’t have enough faith in my own judgment about my own value—the Anxiety I feel embodied by the High Priestess underscores that I don’t trust my own intuition and inner knowings about myself.
What event or situation from the past may have caused this shadow to grow? Having extremely critical parents. Having three older sisters who seemed so much more accomplished than I, and with whom I was constantly trying to play catch-up. Selecting a highly-critical (or so he seems to me) husband so I can play out the drama all over again.
WHERE is the shadow of the Hierophant operating? In the realm of the emotional (don’t I know it!). Shadow meanings of the 8 of Cups: deciding to go through a difficult period in order to reach long-term security; moving away from an oppressive, depressing situation; trying to escape from negative cycles and habits, all of which I am doing right now.
HOW does the shadow of the Hierophant present itself in my personality? Not being guarded enough—there’s danger about; bravely facing up to a threat that has to be defeated; acting alone, when it might be wiser to ask for help; paranoia, seeing enemies all around
4. ANGER/Death Rx: “Stagnation versus Transformation”
Minor arcana: 9 of Pentacles
Court: Queen of Wands
What qualities in a person do I most dislike or have the most difficulty dealing with? Well, I absolutely hate being ignored.
I hold grudges to a depth I am rarely able to come to conscious awareness of. It is killing me to cling to the grudges of my past, for example, against my parents and the Catholic Church. Indeed the shadow meanings of this card include living in the past, not being able to let go of what is no longer useful, an unwillingness of experience emotional pain, blocking out sad feelings, and staying stuck. Yup, that about sums it up.
WHERE is the shadow of Death operating? In the realm of physical reality and the body. Shadow meanings of the 9 of Pentacles: wealth that came by dubious means, being proud and arrogant about the material comfort you’ve received, using your money and position selfishly, without regard to others.
HOW does the shadow of Death present itself in my personality? Someone whose sensuality is disturbing, overwhelming energy, a woman who tends to draw you into her world, a vain, self-absorbed woman, a neurotic attention-seeker
5. SECRECY/Hermit: “Fear of the Dark versus Patient Solitude”
Minor arcana: 9 of Swords
Court: King of Wands
What do I rarely talk about with others? Probably refers to my fear of death that I never discuss with anyone, especially since one of the shadow meanings listed is being unable to accept aging or death. Oh, also the fact that I feel so emotionally immature and stunted—like clinging to some emotions about Joel for so very, very long. It is fair to say that I run away from my problems as a way of keeping them secret, even from myself.
What do I fear that people will find out about me? That I am childish and self-centered at my core. What do I think would happen if someone discovered my secret? That they wouldn’t like me anymore. This is one reason that I cut myself off from the world--because I am afraid of being known for myself.
What secret does my shadow reveal? That there is nothing behind the mask--or at least that I fear that people will see nothing behind the mask, and I must rely on other people to tell me who and what I am.
WHERE is the shadow of the Hermit operating? In the realm of the mind and my psychological well-being. Shadow meanings of the 9 of Swords: invoking dark dreams and visions, deliberately courting danger, experiencing fear after talking/seeing/thinking about horrors, feeling unable to ask for help with feelings of panic, being afraid of going mad—though deep down you know this is irrational
HOW does the shadow of the Hermit present itself in my personality? A fantasist who imagines herself to be much more important than she is, an attention-seeker, someone pompous who expects all around her to follow her lead
6. SELF-LOATHING/Chariot Rx: “Conflict versus Balanced Control”
Minor arcana: 9 of Wands
Court: Page of Wands
When am I most dissatisfied with myself? When I fail to exercise self-discipline. When I am not perfect.
What do I need to discover? That I want to rebuild myself completely because I feel that I am totally unsatisfactory as I am. I am willing to accept myself only if I can create an improved version. I am unwilling to accept myself as I am. I relate this to the High Priestess of Anxiety in position 2. I want to rebuild myself in a fashion so that I can receive accolades from others (see Hierophant, position 3), because that is the only way I can receive reassurance—from external sources. I hate that.
WHERE is the shadow of the Chariot operating? In the realm of spiritual creativity in everyday life. Shadow meanings of the 9 of Wands: a manic determination to keep on with an old struggle, exhaustion and depression from a fight that’s gone on too long, bravely doing your duty—without realizing that you might be on the wrong side, pretending to be obedient and dutiful, but there’s a hidden agenda
HOW does the shadow of the Chariot present itself in my personality? Hidden passions, energies put into negative activities, nature in a form that is uncontrolled and threatening, over-enthusiasm or an obsession with something.
And there you have it. Me and my shadow.
M_M~