What is the right way to approach Feedback?

[mysticmonkey]

sometimes I think people can be TOO polite, in case they offend another member. That doesn't help us learn.

Funny you should say that. I was thinking the exact same thing yesterday when I was taking a wander through the reading circle forum.

It is a hard thing to give feedback on in a way because people might just not being seeing the reading as applying to them right now because they have their mind set on one particular point of view but in time it could all make sense.

On the other hand as you say the reader could completely miss the point but the querent will never say as they want to encourage the newbie and most people here by their nature are sensitive people who empathise with others easily and don't want to upset anyone.
You see it quite often here just in normal conversational posts people apologising for this and that statement made and I've had to go back and find what they are talking about because it didn't make me bat an eyelid.

Maybe the reader should be more specific on the type of feedback that they are looking for?
What things you are currently trying to work on and how honest a feedback you can take. Of course no one wants rude feedback but even politely given feedback can be taken the wrong way sometimes.
If you know you are going to take an honest crit almost as a personal slight (we've all done that at some point in our lives, admit it ) then perhaps it would be better to ask for a gentle crit.

 

[Northwind]

Maybe the reader should be more specific on the type of feedback that they are looking for?

What things you are currently trying to work on and how honest a feedback you can take. Of course no one wants rude feedback but even politely given feedback can be taken the wrong way sometimes.

If you know you are going to take an honest crit almost as a personal slight (we've all done that at some point in our lives, admit it ) then perhaps it would be better to ask for a gentle crit.

Yes, I said something similar earlier. Perhaps it is simply a matter of confidence on the part of the reader to ask for feedback on specific aspects of the reading.

Some people may not know how to give feedback. That is quite common too.

 

[Formicida]

Okay, I have to modify my responses here based on recent experience (not on ATF, I hasten to add).

I was arguing in favor of having the querent reinterpret the cards if the reading doesn't make sense to them or if they have something to add. I'm still very much in favor of this if it's done thoughtfully. But I've now run into people who did this in a more or less thoughtless manner, and I'm starting to understand other people's issues here.

What I mean by "thoughtful" is that if I'm reading for someone, I really want them to listen to my interpretation first. Then if they have something to add, or if I'm off on something, then I'd love to hear about it. But sometimes when reading for other readers (I've just learned), you get people that don't listen. They have their own interpretations of the cards and aren't interested in hearing yours. They'll see the 9 of Cups and say "Oh, I'll get what I wish for" even if that isn't what you see in it at all. This is a particular problem for those of us who read intuitively or with nonstandard decks. With my Thoth I'm not going to see the interpretations that you see in your RWS, and that doesn't mean I'm wrong. At least, it doesn't mean I'm wrong until you listen to what I have to say and it doesn't apply to your life.

Some examples:
GOOD: "I notice you didn't say anything about the wings on this card. I'm a pilot, so the wings have special meaning to me, and so I interpret it like this..."
GOOD: "It's interesting that the 2 of Cups came up, since I got that card in a reading I did about this topic, and I interpreted it as..."
BAD: "Let's see, the Prince of Disks is really the Knight of Pentacles, so he should actually be on a horse..."
BAD: "Well, the 10 of Swords came up, and you didn't say anything about betrayal! Why not?"

Does that make any sense? I really want people to look at the cards in front of them (not the imaginary cards in their head), and listen to me, but after that if I'm wrong or if they see something else, that's fine with me.

Again, this has never been a problem on ATF, which is part of why I never realized it was a potential problem at all before.

 

[gregory]

The trouble with that is that quite often the querent may want to reinterpret just because they don't like what you saw.

But you may well have been right; they ignore that at their peril.....

For a querent to reinterpret would take a querent who knows what they are doing - and if they do, they could have read for themselves in the first place. Coming to you for a reading suggests they couldn't do that - so why can they do it any better as a 'disagreeing with what you say' ? Dodgy, I feel ...