which card for pity?

[Chubby Mummy]

Hey all, Ive been thinking for a while, after doing readings for myself and friends, which card is the "i feel sorry for you thats why Im with you" card? Many female friends of mine in rocky relationships have asked me to do relationship spreads for them, and come up with their other halves true feelings for them, but how can you tell if a man is merely a coward and cannot express the reality of his emotions, which are that he feels sorry for her (perhaps of her circumstances, horrible past experiences, etc) and doesnt want to make things worse for her by dumping her??

xxx
cm

 

[VisionQuest]

That's a good question. I eagerly await the answers. LOL

I'm still a 'newb', but...

10 of Swords comes to mind. But that is more of a self-pity kinda card, I think.

 

[Eco74]

Thinking.. If the question were posed as "why is Person X with Person Y" there are a few options..

6 of Cups first, since it's also related to nostalgia and not necessarily present feelings of love.
6 of Pentacles, for the charity aspect.
5 of Pentacles? Possibly, if depicting how Person X sees Person Y. Misery invites charity.
4 of Swords. True feelings resting and not wanting to disturb the existing balance.
The Devil, in the aspect of feeling tied to the situation or 'standing by a contract for the sake of the contract'.
The Hierophant, for the way he hangs on to the faith and is true to his beliefs. Not necessarily out of love and concern, sometimes the structure itself is holier than the contents.
Could also be King of Cups (indulging the emotions from afar) or King of Pentacles (can atleast help out with the practical stuff, able to be the safe haven).
5 of Cups, having seen the loss of emotion but hanging on the what's still there. Not always a good thing depending on what kind of emotion is remaining in the unturned cups.

All these cards could also be telling of good things in the relationship so there's really no "one way about it".

I can't really see any wands in that position, except for reversals. That element is just too active to remain static, unless it's in waiting for a turn that's just around the corner.

 

[Chubby Mummy]

Wow thanks for that Eco74... how about the 2 of swords? Could that be a "im not facing up to reality and the truth" kind of card in a relationship??
And how about the knight of pentacles, which is "im doing the right thing" kind of card, in other words, im not doing what i really want to be doing.
I love the way you portrayed the 5 pents to 6 pents as misery invites charity!! genius! love it!
xx
cm

 

[sprouseart]

2 of Swords

It’s been a good 7 months since I’ve appeared here in the forum, but I found this question so intriguing that I decided to foray back on board for a while!

ICM, I’ve been reading and involved with Tarot for close to 30 years and to my knowledge, I don’t think that there is a card that represents the issue of “I feel sorry for you that’s why I’m with you", however, if I were to pick a card that comes close to that meaning, I would choose the 2 of Swords.

We all know that each card of the Tarot holds many meanings (usually variations on a theme). It is our job to fine tune that melody during a reading often through intuition and dialogue exchange with the Querent. With that in mind, the variations of meaning for the 2S usually revolve around issues of denial. In the Waite deck a robed figure tensely balances two large and heavy swords over her heart. She is blindfolded and even though there is a colorful and rich ocean view behind her, she and her immediate surroundings are bathed in shades of gray.

This card, in my opinion, would represent someone who was staying in a relationship out of guilt or compassion while blindfolding themselves to the reality of the fact that the relationship is no longer healthy for either of the parties involved. This would be especially true if the card was connected to traditional relationship cards like the Lover’s or the 2 of Cups. Also, a connection to the High Priestess could shed light on this card in a relationship reading as well.

In fact, based on personal reading experience, if a Querent approached me and informed me that they felt that their partner was in a relationship with them simply because that person felt sorry for them and they wanted validation in a reading, I would feel the need to help them focus on some larger truths which would almost certainly be pointed at in a reading itself.

First, if someone feels this way, then I dare say that there is a very good chance that they are correct in their assumption to begin with. Any clear thinking person in a relationship would be able to tell when the relationship takes a dark turn. I can’t imagine that they need a Tarot card reading for that. What they could use the reading for is clarification as to the reasons behind the change and advice on how to proceed. This would not be a comfortable reading as there would be sure to be messages in the reading that would show that both aspects of the relationship dysfunction. A person can’t “feel sorry” for another person unless that other person has presented reasons to instigate that feeling in the first place. Also, usually, the person feeling sorry for the relationship partner must have been given some sort of message that if he or she were to leave the relationship, that the other would be deeply devastated.

I also must add that when I read this part of your question: “how can you tell if a man is merely a coward and cannot express the reality of his emotions, which are that he feels sorry for her (perhaps of her circumstances, horrible past experiences, etc) and doesn’t want to make things worse for her by dumping her”, I couldn’t help but wonder if this information had been predetermined before the reading or acknowledged after the reading. If the Querent sits down and says, “Hey, I think that my man is merely a coward and cannot express the reality of his emotions, which are that he feels sorry for me, um, perhaps because of my circumstances and horrible past experiences”, then you can be assured that your reading will be colored by that information.

What you would be looking for in an answer to that is an elaborate yes or no. I would ask her before the reading, “Well, do you really think that’s the case?”. If the answer is yes, then let’s explore the reasoning behind it and see if we can’t find some advice. If the answer is no, then let’s try to find out why you feel that way and look for some clarification and advice.

I was I’m sure that I don’t have to explain that the Tarot is a wonderful mirror that, when read properly, doesn’t discriminate about what it reflects.

PS: Before I could finish typing this, I saw that you posted info on the 2 of Swords as well

Best of luck!

 

[Eco74]

Yes, those two aswell. Well spotted.

And maybe the Ace of Swords as living up to the ideal idea of the relationship rather than seing the reality of things.
7 of Swords aswell now that I think about it. Sneaking away the true thoughts about the situation, leaving the "camp" seemingly undisturbed.
7 of Cups building a fantasy of things that "should" be there, though that's more of an imaginary enhancer than sneaking away or being dishonest, unless it's not a concious pattern..


"Misery invites charity".... Yes, I guess I'm occationally brilliant enough to be able to put things like that. Too bad it's not a constant state of being, though that would probably get really boring after a while. *s*

 

[Chubby Mummy]

Eco74, Sprouseart, thank you very much for that, I still consider myself a beginner in tarot, so itll be years before I can read tarot well, and correctly. Ive always thought of 2/swords as the blocking out true emotions card, but I have never actually thought it could be a pity card.
Ill be noting some of your stuff down in my notebook, this is some good quality stuff!!
xxxx
cm

 

[HearthCricket]

I have always considered the Queen of Swords to identify with one who has pity for another. This queen has experience with loss and heartache and can feel for others in situations that pierce the heart. Mature, thoughtful, perceptive and confident, she is one who will listen to your own stories of woe and be at your side, supporting you along the way.

 

[Moongold]

Hey all, Ive been thinking for a while, after doing readings for myself and friends, which card is the "i feel sorry for you thats why Im with you" card? Many female friends of mine in rocky relationships have asked me to do relationship spreads for them, and come up with their other halves true feelings for them, but how can you tell if a man is merely a coward and cannot express the reality of his emotions, which are that he feels sorry for her (perhaps of her circumstances, horrible past experiences, etc) and doesnt want to make things worse for her by dumping her?? xxx
cm

Forgive me if I'm wrong with this but it does seem to beg the question - or to be looking for evidence for assumptions and feelings already there.

In fact, I just scrolled down to Sprouseheart's reply and generally agree with him.

 

[WalesWoman]

The best way to discover answers as these is the hardest one... for the person to ask her husband or lover rather than the Tarot.

It beats second guessing.

But my first thought was the image of Morgan Greer 5 pentacles. It just feels like pity.

The tricky meaning for 6 Pentacles, of staying in a less than perfect situation because it was better than nothing from 78 Degree's of Wisdom.

The other was 4 Cups... not really wanting what is there, but not wanting anything else either.

Justice RX? Things aren't right, but leaving would be wrong?

Also it would depend on other cards in the spread that point to the health of the relationship in general, what obstacles or blocks are there preventing it from being fulfilling, what is creating this question in the first place? Maybe she needs to ask where this fear is coming from... and could point to self esteem issues within herself, more than actually problems with her husband.

I may be treading thin ice, but a woman might stay with a man out of pity, but I don't think a man would, unless there was some other reason to stay.