A Spiritual Coccoon?

This may seem like a rambling maddening thread, but I hope I can adequately express what I am feeling...

It started several months ago...when I began to look at tarot...and blank completely .
Actually, it wasn't drawing a blank so much as looking at tarot like I was seeing it for the first time. And this is being a pro reader for over 20 years. And looking at images of my first deck. The ones I know so completely.

This feeling slowly passed, but other weird things seem to happen around that same time...I would slip into meditation mode easier, or without really trying to.

My dreams became even MORE vivid (if such a thing is possible) but harder to comprehend the symbolism.
In fact I have had a series of the same theme for the past two weeks. Last night I dreamed I was dreaming the same dream, and talking to a therapist/hypnotist while dreaming. She told me I already know what it all means!
Of course...I don't!

And then my totem went away. There are no more crows in the area. There used to be dozens, and I would at least hear them, if not see them on a daily basis.
I haven't seen any.

I have had, however strange visits from spiders (both real and visionary) and the Goddess Athena/Minerva has shown up in tons of synchronicitious places.

Right now, I have no interest at all in tarot. Or divination, which is really weird for me.
I have become a recluse, socially...and today I hid from both the phone and whoever knocked on my door.

I feel like I am changing. It's maddening...but I feel that there might be some growth spiritually...but I am afraid of growing out of all the things I love and cherish because of it.

Yesterday and today, I have been aware of the Signs all around me. they seem to indicate cocoons...a spun coffin of silk to hide in, before the butterfly...or whatever I am transforming into...emerges.

I find myself resisting all this growth and change. I don't want to advance....spiritually or otherwise... I want to stay right where I am.

I like it here.

But it seems like the Universe has other ideas...and I am slowly creating a shell around myself.
Throughout all this I have been inexplicably creation conscious, and busy with creating and art and new ideas...but even those have seemed to stop now.

It's like I feel it time to stop. To rest. to crawl into the cocoon.

Should I be worried?
Has anyone else ever felt this sort of thing before...a great Change you know is coming...but you don't feel quite ready for?

Am I going mad?
Am I making any sense?

Anyone?

I think we all go thru this at some point, and for some, maybe all, it happens several times thru our lives. One thing to remember is that when a butterfly crawls out of its cocoon, it doesn't just fly off immediately. It sits in a sunny spot until it's wings are dry, and then it flies off. It doesn't go anywhere until its good and ready. So even though you're going thru these transformative changes, you will have sufficient time to reorient yourself once you're out of your cocoon.

It makes sense my luv.. I kinda went through the same thing where I didnt touch a tarot or oracle for over a year. I loved them so would pick them up, but I didnt feel the same with them, readings seemed forced and just 'book meanings' and no depth.
So after trying and trying I went with it. Put my decks in a draw, didnt buy or look on here for a while and wanted to see where the universe was wanting me to go. And I found a whole new side of myself that I never knew existed!!!
And of course, when I had learnt what I needed to (well see and know that its there) tarot and divination came back to me easily. Sometimes we need to take a break from what we know to experience what we dont know. Without doing readings on it, without forcing the flower to open.

So my advice would be to try and relax into it. Tarot and divination is so important to you that you WILL come back to it, dont worry about that. But you need to make room for something new to come.

I know how scary it is though to think you are losing tarot, I even didnt want to TALK about tarot to my friends because I felt guilty that I wasnt glued to my decks as i was lol.

(hugs)

cRONATA, The feelings coming through your written spiel are that you will need to face some hidden fears (every body's got 'em) , and also those fears are stopping or restricting your stirring rainbow snake , Kundalini.

Even you seem to know that it's time to grow, and as you also have said there's an uneasy feeling.
From personal experience the influx of spiders is an indication that there's fears to be delt with.
Your also doing the best thing that can be done in times such as these, Your airing and facing the problems. Good work !!
No, your not going nuts, just adjusting to new realities, until the new beliefs feel comfortable , there's always a feeling of out of sorts. Luckly your here at ATF, and there's room to stretch, in earlier times going it alone was the only way, airing these sort of problems landed one in not so pleasent surroundings. You've earnt the new wings,enjoy .

It makes perfect sense. Finally you are going through a major change and, just like the caterpillar changing to a butterfly (I've had that message too lately) you have to be removed from the world in order for the transformation to take place.

If you go on doing the same old, same old - nothing will change.

I've been through similar experiences to this several times. Each time it feels like I've done something wrong, I've been cut off from everything that I have worked for or that I am being punished for something and I don't know what. BUT, each time I come out the other side ONLY when I give up and give in. Allow it to flow, allow the process.

Wonderful - don't fight it.

Milfol - I often think when I dont feel the urge to do what I love to do, or something happens to me, that im being punished and somehow deserve it. I have found that punishment doesnt happen, just corrections and finding the lesson or opportunity thats hidden...

but on the darker days I still think Im being punished lol.

a great Change you know is coming...but you don't feel quite ready for?

Click to expand...

I, too, have been through those feelings--who EVER is ready for a great change, when the familiar is mostly safe, rewarding, and dear.

But each time, I've come through and seen the value of the shift, the step into a broader world where I could serve and learn.

And it never gets easier, just a bit less scary.

The cocoon crumples, the butterfly learns in a whole new way, and the cycle goes on.

Sometimes we just have to go with the breeze and keep trusting, trusting, trusting. NOT easy, but when the soul picked this path, the human (as vehicle) just has to keep bumping down the road of it and wonder at the sights

THANK YOU everyone!
It's so good to know that this sort of thing has happened to others. That I am not alone.

I am not worried that I wont get back to tarot...that is something that is in my bones!
I am worried that my feelings for other things will change though...Maybe I won't want to be married...or stay here....maybe I will want to be alone. It's a weird feeling because it feels like a part of me, but also outside of me.

I am inundated with Death symbols too. Which only makes sense...as autumn approaches, and the tarot meaning is clear.

re-pete-a...you mentioned facing fears, and yes...I feel that's exactly what I am doing. I have always had social anxiety (about the telephone) and now it seems to be spreading.
Spiders are not fearsome critters for me...rather they are symbols of creativity, artistry and networking. It's my Mom's totem, actually.
Which I suppose makes sense as I am trying hard to help her through her changes.

About the Kundalini...yes...my snake Guide has been quiet and annoying lately...refusing to answer even the simpliest of questions. In fact all my Spirit Guides have sort of left me....
Except Minerva. and the spider (Arachne?)

Thanks again...I am feeling much better about my Death movement now!

I think we go through these phases...as long as you don't feel depressed...
Sometimes I'd like to get the husband a girlfriend, tear up the kids birth certificates...dump the dogs at the pound sell everything I own and move to Bali.

Eckhart Tolle has a wonderful line in one of his books.
"If you have something to do ..then do it..but if you want to do nothing then do it with all your heart."
Isn't that wonderful...kind of guiltless permission to just be and experience the nothingness fully and see where it takes you.

Hey, you should read EAT, PRAY, LOVE sounds just like what you need right now.

I Whisper Into the Reeds...

Yes Chronata, before you mentioned it I was going to say that spiders are a universal symbol of the maternal archetype. So many people fear them as a result, but it is healthy that you do not.

I have gone through this process several times as an image of the desert. I have always lived by the ocean or sea and for me, usually surrounded by lush green growth, so the desert is the antithesis of my experience and nature. All seems dead and dry, I feel lost and alone, and although not depressed I seemed to be buried in the mundane.

But from these death experiences new life has always come, in ways that sometimes surpass even my deepest dreams. The most extreme transformation within my life has come out of this very desert described here in Dreaming a Movie Classic. This was a dream experience about three years ago, but only now is it coming to full fruition. Much to my amazement, the alien woman in the desert is in fact a real woman who I did not meet until this year, and just as I was completely overcome by her within that dream, a dream that it was so profound that it took me a week before I could even write it down, so I am entirely overwhelmed by her in this reality. It is this way for both of us, never have we loved so deeply and boundlessly, so selflesslesly and in such complete surrender, our love is an order of magnitude greater than anything we could ever imagine.

Thus it may be when at last we return from the desert or emerge from the cocoon. The eventual results after our loss and death may be completely astounding and totally unpredictable. But one day it all makes sense...