Chronata
This may seem like a rambling maddening thread, but I hope I can adequately express what I am feeling...
It started several months ago...when I began to look at tarot...and blank completely .
Actually, it wasn't drawing a blank so much as looking at tarot like I was seeing it for the first time. And this is being a pro reader for over 20 years. And looking at images of my first deck. The ones I know so completely.
This feeling slowly passed, but other weird things seem to happen around that same time...I would slip into meditation mode easier, or without really trying to.
My dreams became even MORE vivid (if such a thing is possible) but harder to comprehend the symbolism.
In fact I have had a series of the same theme for the past two weeks. Last night I dreamed I was dreaming the same dream, and talking to a therapist/hypnotist while dreaming. She told me I already know what it all means!
Of course...I don't!
And then my totem went away. There are no more crows in the area. There used to be dozens, and I would at least hear them, if not see them on a daily basis.
I haven't seen any.
I have had, however strange visits from spiders (both real and visionary) and the Goddess Athena/Minerva has shown up in tons of synchronicitious places.
Right now, I have no interest at all in tarot. Or divination, which is really weird for me.
I have become a recluse, socially...and today I hid from both the phone and whoever knocked on my door.
I feel like I am changing. It's maddening...but I feel that there might be some growth spiritually...but I am afraid of growing out of all the things I love and cherish because of it.
Yesterday and today, I have been aware of the Signs all around me. they seem to indicate cocoons...a spun coffin of silk to hide in, before the butterfly...or whatever I am transforming into...emerges.
I find myself resisting all this growth and change. I don't want to advance....spiritually or otherwise... I want to stay right where I am.
I like it here.
But it seems like the Universe has other ideas...and I am slowly creating a shell around myself.
Throughout all this I have been inexplicably creation conscious, and busy with creating and art and new ideas...but even those have seemed to stop now.
It's like I feel it time to stop. To rest. to crawl into the cocoon.
Should I be worried?
Has anyone else ever felt this sort of thing before...a great Change you know is coming...but you don't feel quite ready for?
Am I going mad?
Am I making any sense?
Anyone?
It started several months ago...when I began to look at tarot...and blank completely .
Actually, it wasn't drawing a blank so much as looking at tarot like I was seeing it for the first time. And this is being a pro reader for over 20 years. And looking at images of my first deck. The ones I know so completely.
This feeling slowly passed, but other weird things seem to happen around that same time...I would slip into meditation mode easier, or without really trying to.
My dreams became even MORE vivid (if such a thing is possible) but harder to comprehend the symbolism.
In fact I have had a series of the same theme for the past two weeks. Last night I dreamed I was dreaming the same dream, and talking to a therapist/hypnotist while dreaming. She told me I already know what it all means!
Of course...I don't!
And then my totem went away. There are no more crows in the area. There used to be dozens, and I would at least hear them, if not see them on a daily basis.
I haven't seen any.
I have had, however strange visits from spiders (both real and visionary) and the Goddess Athena/Minerva has shown up in tons of synchronicitious places.
Right now, I have no interest at all in tarot. Or divination, which is really weird for me.
I have become a recluse, socially...and today I hid from both the phone and whoever knocked on my door.
I feel like I am changing. It's maddening...but I feel that there might be some growth spiritually...but I am afraid of growing out of all the things I love and cherish because of it.
Yesterday and today, I have been aware of the Signs all around me. they seem to indicate cocoons...a spun coffin of silk to hide in, before the butterfly...or whatever I am transforming into...emerges.
I find myself resisting all this growth and change. I don't want to advance....spiritually or otherwise... I want to stay right where I am.
I like it here.
But it seems like the Universe has other ideas...and I am slowly creating a shell around myself.
Throughout all this I have been inexplicably creation conscious, and busy with creating and art and new ideas...but even those have seemed to stop now.
It's like I feel it time to stop. To rest. to crawl into the cocoon.
Should I be worried?
Has anyone else ever felt this sort of thing before...a great Change you know is coming...but you don't feel quite ready for?
Am I going mad?
Am I making any sense?
Anyone?