Hello Esk, here is your reading!
First, my apologies for the delay. I got busy over the past few days but was so happy to have a lesson cancelled so I could do it tonight.
Second, a bit of forewarning -- the message came out strongly and clearly. But it is not the gentlest of messages so perhaps consider a bit of emotional girding before reading on. Nothing terrible coming from the spread (quite the contrary!) but it does go a bit deeper than I expected. I like to warn people of this, especially if it is my first time exchanging with them as then they are likely less used to my reading style -- which is that I lay out the cards, start typing, and then the message comes fast and furious... and my readings tend to be about core issues more often than not. (Now I wonder if I should start adding that in initial posts on reading circles LOL.)
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Daytime (also year)
Motherly love
Tavern
Best friends forever
1. My Cover
What persona or mask am I wearing around others?
Your cover/persona/mask is of brightness and that all is well and that you do not need any help, that you can do it all alone with the limited tools you have at your disposal. There is a feeling that you can be content with the simple things in life-- which is true (you can be content with those) but it hides the fact that you content yourself with those simpler things because you do not like to ask for help. With help, those simple things can be true luxuries -- but what you have chosen so far is to "settle" for the simple things and not even try to make them luxuries.
An example is your home seating arrangement. You truly don't need a fancy sofa or chaise lounge. But you could have soft and fluffy pillows on your simple couch, and/or a nice throw blanket. Some nice things to snuggle up with while you read a book or knit/craft on your couch. Those small touches bring it over from "simple" to luxury" without breaking the bank. But you have chosen to stay with the simple couch because you do not want to ask for help. It's not even a lot of help-- something as small as "can you look at my resume very quickly?"
I have another recent example. My friend at the last minute needed a place to store her luggage when her other plans fell through. I live on the third floor. She insisted that --
because I was letting her keep her luggage in my apartment -- she had to carry all of the luggage up to my apartment. Which I said was ridiculous. I mean, sure it would have made her feel better to carry them all but there was no need for her to do it. It was a tiny thing that she was asking and also a tiny thing to carry a duffel bag up the stairs. In contrast, when the same friend asked me to help her translate, I accepted her buying lunch for both of us.
Do you feel the difference between a small ask and one that is not so small? You can ask for the small help -- it's not much but will help you immeasurably. And your friends and family will not mind doing it, not at all.
2. Compromised
What removes the mask or "blows my cover?"
Motherly love. Hmm, I'm waiting for the message to get clearer on if this is about you and your mother (my first impulse) or about you as a mother figure. Nope, going with my first flush-- with your mother you do not have these hang-ups about asking for help. And she helps you a lot. But does she sometimes have conditions to her help? Maybe this is where you learned that other behavior from?
Or maybe accepting her help means helping her back in ways that can feel a bit uncomfortable?
The mother in the card is so full of love and warmth for the baby in her arms. I can imagine them as the people inside the house on the daytime card -- while the farmer farms, his wife and child are safely tucked up inside.
This incidentally is not true for the cards -- the people are of different social strata and the wife of the farmer would have been out in the fields too. But for you and this reading, it is meant to be the external vs internal, the public vs private spheres, you know?
Also, do you look for mothering of a sort in your romantic relationships? It's okay if so -- and knowing that will help you a lot. So perhaps admit that to yourself if it's true; fighting it makes it harder.
3. On The Run
What drives me to keep going or helps me during times of crisis?
Tavern. People and shared connection, shared good times that might just be a blip in the night but show you that good people exist and that we are all lonely in some way and need human connection. I feel like this ties into the first card because -- in your refusal to ask for help -- sometimes you let yourself be a little too much of an island, you know?
Also, this card tells me of the brief respite of play during crises -- that even when you are exhausted, sometimes you find the energy to go out and be around people (even when you want to hide) and then it can be so nourishing. There's a lot of feeling alone in these cards for me right now, and I think the message is to accept that you don't have to be so lonely. There are people around and you are good with people (despite how you doubt yourself) and a shared afternoon whiled away in "idling" can be very recharging for you.
4. Changing Identities
Who am I really?
BFFs -- you really crave that one-on-one connection. (Sidenote: a lot of people say, "doesn't everyone?" And I can tell you that in my years of counseling and coaching, no, not everyone does. Many people in fact do not want that close one-on-one and intimate connection. It is scary to them. And this is not a bad thing -- it's why we have communities and groups -- because many people want to feel part of something and do not want that intense connection one-on-one.)
You are a great BFF, though your main flaw is not letting people in enough really. You want to be the BFF but you don't let many be the BFF to you. In the other cards, there were pairs but they were offset pairs, pairs where the parties were not equals (farmer and cow, mother and child, tavern keeper and guests). But in this card, there are two BFFs walking side by side AND two cows grazing on the side of the road, also paired. Your ability to be a BFF and find your BFF (or to let your BFF in closer if that is the case) is critical to your changing identity. To you breaking away from the lopsided relationships. Embrace that dream and then make it happen. You can do it!
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Like I said above, this came out as a strong message but also one that could be viewed as harsh. I'm sorry for being the messenger on this. I hope you find it beneficial to you~
