One other thought elf. You shared that you thought your husband was the Tropidophora, and you were the Coronate Prickly Winkle. When I do readings, I think of each shell as a vocabulary word, and the arrangement you make guides you in how to string the words together to make the sentences or paragraphs of your message.
IF you are extremely tolerant of harsh conditions, and have a high threshold for pain, AND your husband feels something only has value if it is a challenge, THEN he could be throwing challenges at you, which might create pain in others, but your tolerance causes you not to notice. This means that you unknowingly increase the level of his challenge to get your attention. His behavior would escalate to rise to the level of the challenge. Then, he would really value your attention because he worked to earn it. Ironically, you would not even notice that he had been working to get your attention until the final behavior that reaches epic proportions. It would be a perfect pairing.