...but three is too many!

[MareSaturni]

So, i have this great friend of mine who decided to get married. She's 21. And since she was proposed to, she doesn't go anywhere without her to-be hubby (i'd be surprised if she would go to the toilet alone). We never met again to talk about 'women-stuff' because he's always with her.

The problem is, she wants me to read tarot for her...with him sitting by her. I wouldn't have any problem, but he doesn't believe in Tarot (and his family is very catholic - his parents believe it's a thing from the devil) and he looks like he isn't taking it seriously, or looks bored or whatever.

I CAN'T WORK THIS WAY. I've read before with more than one person around me, but then only the sitter was paying attention - the rest were minding their own bloody business. But he...he pays attention to every word (probably to remind her in case i'm wrong), and although i like him (he's a nice guy), he bothers me. I can't really concentrate, and it's difficult to me to read the cards. I can't read with someone looking at me as if i were saying the most stupid thing they ever heard.

I don't know what should i do. I can't ask her to leave her most beloved on the other side of the door. She'd be offended, she would think i don't like him etc etc. (and i'm going to be her bridesmaid!) But i find that i can't read very well with him scrutinizing me. I've been trying to avoid reading for her because of that

Should i just ignore him or something like that?

Have you ever faced something - or someone - similar?

Any ideas are welcome...

~YUKO

 

[Mesara]

Hmm.. that does complitcate things for sure.

Obviously the integrity of the reading is at stake here. He makes you uncomfortable, and really- him being there is definately going to censor what you should be able to share freely with your friend. My advice is to not be pressured into this.

Is she having a bridal shower? Certainly he won't be attending that, will he? That might be your chance to give her a good reading.

 

[Gayla]

Yes, great idea...the bridal shower would be a great place.

Just explain to her that you prefer not to do reading for and in front of people who are not totally open to it....and that you are more than happy to do a reading for her alone.

She is at a stage with him right now where they are madly in love...and she probably won't recieve it well if you tell her you don't want to because of his negativity toward Tarot.

Gently tell her the tarot really works better one on one.

 

[MareSaturni]

Is she having a bridal shower? Certainly he won't be attending that, will he? That might be your chance to give her a good reading.

Yes! That's a great idea! I'll try to give her a reading during her bridal shower.
I surely HOPE he won't be attending

Just explain to her that you prefer not to do reading for and in front of people who are not totally open to it....and that you are more than happy to do a reading for her alone.

Gently tell her the tarot really works better one on one.

Yeah, i could try that. Although it's true i prefer to read alone with the sitter, once i read for her with two friends of hers around (once more, no way i could tell her friends to wait outside. i don't feel comfortable ordering the sitter around, specially when they are a friend of mine and when i'm doing the reading in their homes). So i'm afraid she'd think i'm lying...

You know, as you said, she madly in love with him. He's the best thing that ever happened to her. So he's really important to her, and i don't want her to think i don't like someone so special to her. It'd be un-friendly of me.
I don't have anything againt the guy, he just doesn't make me very comfortable.

I'll try to give her a good reading during the bridal shower, but i wonder...when she asks me for a reading after they get married, well, i'll either have to read with him scrutinizing me or just refuse to read at all :/

Friends are complicated. Sometimes i wish they would find an annonymous tarot reader instead of me...

~YUKO

 

[zach bender]

bridal shower may or may not be the right time and place, but under absolutely _zero_ circumstances should you allow an onlooker at a reading. ever. not just this particular circumstance.

zb

 

[Apollonia]

bridal shower may or may not be the right time and place, but under absolutely _zero_ circumstances should you allow an onlooker at a reading. ever. not just this particular circumstance.

zb

I respectfully disagree that this is set in stone for everyone. I often read for people who want their best friends, moms, whoever, in on the reading. I used to try to control it by insisting that no one else be present, and then one day I thought, "Why bother?" If someone wants to be in on the reading, and they are not being disrespectful or hindering me, I let them. I just tell everyone in advance that what comes out in a reading may be quite personal, and I verify with the querent that they really want the other person there. It has actually been helpful in the case of people who haven't had a reading before, and are a bit apprehensive; having a trusted friend present calms them down.

In your case, Yuko, I feel that, having giving it a good try, and knowing that having him there does not allow you to give a proper reading, you absolutely should not allow him to be there. But I do not feel this is a hard and fast rule to be handed down to everyone who reads Tarot.

 

[Goldenhair]

Originnally posted by miss_yuko:
Yeah, i could try that. Although it's true i prefer to read alone with the sitter, once i read for her with two friends of hers around (once more, no way i could tell her friends to wait outside. i don't feel comfortable ordering the sitter around, specially when they are a friend of mine and when i'm doing the reading in their homes). So i'm afraid she'd think i'm lying...

Simply tell her "although I have read for you in the past with others present, I felt distracted and feel I did not give as good a reading as I would like. I now prefer to read for people alone, one on one."

Best part, this is the truth and you don't have to get into a debate on why you think her beloved or anyone else isn't open to tarot, etc.

 

[ana luisa]

Nosy people bug me

You obviously can´t tell her the truth about feeling uncomfortable with him around. But you can´t have him by her side either!!! I hate it when it happens. I usually tell people that I´d rather work on a one two one basis because the energies get too mixed up when there´s three or more. Reading the cards is a serious business. I´m quite blunt about that. However, you could propose something different. Tell them that you feel especially "inspired " to do readings and that you would like to give EACH an individual reading. That way, you could start with HIS reading and she would follow, with her reading ALONE as well. It might work...

 

[ravenest]

I too would not read with an 'observer' I didnt feel confident with. Good advise to do it at the bridal shower (if your not all drunk and chained to a lamp post ... oh, hang on thats what the guys do).

I think you are taking it rather well (love the toilet comment ) Its a bummer when friends and gang insulate themselves in couples.

 

[Gayla]

If she is still asking you to read for her with him around after they are married that's what I call 'a problem'...if you think he has influence over her now...wait till they tie the ol' knot...

It's tough...you don't want to hurt her feelings...but what about your feelings? Friendship is a two way relationship...she really could be a bit more considerate...she had to of picked up on some of the uncomfy vibes at some point. Maybe just go with the flow and see if she even mentions it again...

Overall, it's not very nice or polite of her to insist he be at her side if she knows it makes you uncomfy.

As Ana said...reading tarot is serious business..and you have rights as the reader too.