NightQueen
This is something you have to learn, not to take everything on board, you have some very good advice here and like Sinduction said, you need to find out why this is getting to you so much, what is it the real reasonLain_82 said:
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I know I should be happy but....
rwcarter
As long as you allow your friends to dictate how you read for them and what kind of information you provide them, they are going to continue to tell you to get to the good part. As a reader (for friends or for strangers), you have to set your own boundaries going into the reading and then don't deviate from those boundaries unless you feel it's the right thing to do.Lain_82 said:You're right... I do want to give that type of reading, instead of being a ''prediction tool''. When I read for strangers is easier for me to tell them about surrounding influences and messages, but my friends usually look for a YES/NO answer. Will he call me? Should I call him? What will happen if I call him? Heck, they even want me to do readings about the love of their lives and their girlfriends... I don't have the strenght to refuse all the time, and the worst part is that when I do want to tell them about something beyond that they dismiss it at once and force me to go to the ''good part''. One even told me last week that she didn't care about the card's meanings, she just needed to know if he was going to have sex with some girl that day or not. Like I could possibly tell her that.
If your best friend came to you and asked for a reading on whether her boyfriend was cheating on her, would you do a reading on that question? Some readers would emphatically say no because it amounts to spying. Other readers would say sure, why not because the boyfriend's actions could have a direct effect on the friend. Yet other readers would work with the friend to rephrase the question to something like, "What do I need to know about the status of my relationship with my boyfriend?" or "What can I do to strengthen my relationship with my boyfriend?" None of those reactions is any better or worse than the other.
You have to decide what types of questions you will read on, whether you'll do predictive readings, what format the reading will take (you doing all the talking, having a dialog with the other person), etc. And you need to inform the people you read for exactly what you've decided. And when your friends try to make you do things their way, you quietly gather up the cards and say, "I'm sorry. I can't continue this reading." And then don't. Do it enough times and your friends will get the message that you read for them on your terms, not theirs.
But unless you do something like that, you will always be reading on their terms, and I don't think you want to do that.
Rodney
Cerulean
Thanks for your answers, Lain...just a few suggestions...
First, thanks for replying and your thoughtful takes on the discussion. It was quite a valuable and interesting series of questions...I actually did a few tarot draws to focus what I thought about when I read the discussion here...
Overall, I think it sounds like you are sensible to the facts of where you want to be in terms of reading tarot...and you've set good boundaries for readings with strangers.
But in terms of your friends, you say:
but my friends usually look for a YES/NO answer. Will he call me? Should I call him? What will happen if I call him? Heck, they even want me to do readings about the love of their lives and their girlfriends... I don't have the strength to refuse all the time, and the worst part is that when I do want to tell them about something beyond that they dismiss it at once and force me to go to the ''good part''. One even told me last week that she didn't care about the card's meanings, she just needed to know if he was going to have sex with some girl that day or not. Like I could possibly tell her that.
Cerulean observes:
So you've become "that person with the cards" and to be honest, part of your company is not only sought out for being a nice listener and supportive as a buddy--but because you 'read cards'---probably for free to your friends?
Now you are the "Psychic Eye-Spy-Fly-on-the-Wall" for a friend whose feeling grumpy and insecure about her guy...and my guess is this is not the first time you allowed yourself to be talked into reading about people's relationships.
I wonder if this comment might be problem number 1. You haven't set boundaries for reading for your friends. Do you want to? Here's a suggestion.
Take your favorite reading deck and find another deck--a cheap mini deck, or one that you don't particularly like or simply just an extra deck...and have them hold or place the deck in front of them. Every card you draw, have them draw a card. You can tell them to find the same card in the deck, or have them draw a card simply at random.
There are at least two cards on the table. Make them tell you what they see.
Let them read and draw conclusions. You can tell them after they talk whether you agree or if you see something different. You can help teach them to learn tarot that way and it's not all on you if they can learn to work some questions out for themselves..
If they don't want that, they want you to do the work and their question is pretty much a fortune-telling one about boyfriend, gossip, fears, whose-sleeping-or-not-with-who--I would take out all the the majors in the deck. Read only with the courts and minors, do a two-or-three card reading and keep the reading pretty short. If they have a way of rephrasing a mundane concern for a higher purpose or stronger theme--integrate the majors back in. To me, that would be more in keeping with treating the majors of the tarot in a different and valued way.
Those above suggestions might work if you are interested in doing something different. Now on to suggestions on the second point that struck me...
Lain says also:
Anyway, the point is mmmm... I think I'm not making much sense here but really, that's how I deal with people. Suddenly, their concerns become mine, which helps me to learn a bit about myself in every reading I made. So it's hard not to take it personal and be detached from them.
Cerulean replies:
You are also saying not only do you have compassion, you feel you want to help solve their problem/answer their question--in other words, you feel you built a bit of a relationship with the person. You are not only a mirror, but also
an empty vessal that has been filled with some of their feelings and ideas in order to read as if it was your own concern
I am thinking that might be problem number 2.
Over time the friends I've kept are people I'd like to honor for what they've learned, who they have become. But I want to give them space and respect as well as compassion. Your readings are not about being a 'god/goddess' to solve their concerns--I'm suggesting that the word 'boundaries' is a good thing for you, because you've identified that when you read, you are becoming really 'close' or saying 'hey, what would I do?" Sometimes what you would do might be not in their best interest--so perhaps your ideas of what the cards are saying might be 'you' talking--modified by the card image at the time...
Maybe the best thing is to ask your friends what they feel they should do once you've both talked about the cards a little, once you both confirmed the situation and theme. If the question came down to "hey whose sleeping with who" and you know you cannot answer that question--say very honestly,
"I don't know how to read for that. I'm not a predictive reader really--once or twice, I did confirm things or helped people air their doubts--but I didn't really predict anything. To be honest, people ask questions they probably already know the answer to, but they are hoping for a bit more insight and just another take..."
I heard a professional reader in a class say something similar--people are likely to ask what is on their mind, but in many cases they really do know the answer. What a tarot reader does is also present a different take or a fresh insight, as well as a confirmation...if your friends think it's miraculous or magic, simply say they were just a bit too close to thinking about the situation, so they were in a bit of a rut--they would have eventually solved the problem, answered the question, did what they needed to do--you just were there to help speed the process along a bit. It wasn't magic, it was a conversation that happened to work with a deck of cards.
Best wishes and hope some of the ideas help.
Cerulean
P.S. I'm under the influence of the Gill Tarot at the moment, so an auntlike/sisterly tone might have come out. Sorry if any of this sounds like a lecture--just hope some of it made some sense.
First, thanks for replying and your thoughtful takes on the discussion. It was quite a valuable and interesting series of questions...I actually did a few tarot draws to focus what I thought about when I read the discussion here...
Overall, I think it sounds like you are sensible to the facts of where you want to be in terms of reading tarot...and you've set good boundaries for readings with strangers.
But in terms of your friends, you say:
but my friends usually look for a YES/NO answer. Will he call me? Should I call him? What will happen if I call him? Heck, they even want me to do readings about the love of their lives and their girlfriends... I don't have the strength to refuse all the time, and the worst part is that when I do want to tell them about something beyond that they dismiss it at once and force me to go to the ''good part''. One even told me last week that she didn't care about the card's meanings, she just needed to know if he was going to have sex with some girl that day or not. Like I could possibly tell her that.
Cerulean observes:
So you've become "that person with the cards" and to be honest, part of your company is not only sought out for being a nice listener and supportive as a buddy--but because you 'read cards'---probably for free to your friends?
Now you are the "Psychic Eye-Spy-Fly-on-the-Wall" for a friend whose feeling grumpy and insecure about her guy...and my guess is this is not the first time you allowed yourself to be talked into reading about people's relationships.
I wonder if this comment might be problem number 1. You haven't set boundaries for reading for your friends. Do you want to? Here's a suggestion.
Take your favorite reading deck and find another deck--a cheap mini deck, or one that you don't particularly like or simply just an extra deck...and have them hold or place the deck in front of them. Every card you draw, have them draw a card. You can tell them to find the same card in the deck, or have them draw a card simply at random.
There are at least two cards on the table. Make them tell you what they see.
Let them read and draw conclusions. You can tell them after they talk whether you agree or if you see something different. You can help teach them to learn tarot that way and it's not all on you if they can learn to work some questions out for themselves..
If they don't want that, they want you to do the work and their question is pretty much a fortune-telling one about boyfriend, gossip, fears, whose-sleeping-or-not-with-who--I would take out all the the majors in the deck. Read only with the courts and minors, do a two-or-three card reading and keep the reading pretty short. If they have a way of rephrasing a mundane concern for a higher purpose or stronger theme--integrate the majors back in. To me, that would be more in keeping with treating the majors of the tarot in a different and valued way.
Those above suggestions might work if you are interested in doing something different. Now on to suggestions on the second point that struck me...
Lain says also:
Anyway, the point is mmmm... I think I'm not making much sense here but really, that's how I deal with people. Suddenly, their concerns become mine, which helps me to learn a bit about myself in every reading I made. So it's hard not to take it personal and be detached from them.
Cerulean replies:
You are also saying not only do you have compassion, you feel you want to help solve their problem/answer their question--in other words, you feel you built a bit of a relationship with the person. You are not only a mirror, but also
an empty vessal that has been filled with some of their feelings and ideas in order to read as if it was your own concern
I am thinking that might be problem number 2.
Over time the friends I've kept are people I'd like to honor for what they've learned, who they have become. But I want to give them space and respect as well as compassion. Your readings are not about being a 'god/goddess' to solve their concerns--I'm suggesting that the word 'boundaries' is a good thing for you, because you've identified that when you read, you are becoming really 'close' or saying 'hey, what would I do?" Sometimes what you would do might be not in their best interest--so perhaps your ideas of what the cards are saying might be 'you' talking--modified by the card image at the time...
Maybe the best thing is to ask your friends what they feel they should do once you've both talked about the cards a little, once you both confirmed the situation and theme. If the question came down to "hey whose sleeping with who" and you know you cannot answer that question--say very honestly,
"I don't know how to read for that. I'm not a predictive reader really--once or twice, I did confirm things or helped people air their doubts--but I didn't really predict anything. To be honest, people ask questions they probably already know the answer to, but they are hoping for a bit more insight and just another take..."
I heard a professional reader in a class say something similar--people are likely to ask what is on their mind, but in many cases they really do know the answer. What a tarot reader does is also present a different take or a fresh insight, as well as a confirmation...if your friends think it's miraculous or magic, simply say they were just a bit too close to thinking about the situation, so they were in a bit of a rut--they would have eventually solved the problem, answered the question, did what they needed to do--you just were there to help speed the process along a bit. It wasn't magic, it was a conversation that happened to work with a deck of cards.
Best wishes and hope some of the ideas help.
Cerulean
P.S. I'm under the influence of the Gill Tarot at the moment, so an auntlike/sisterly tone might have come out. Sorry if any of this sounds like a lecture--just hope some of it made some sense.
SunChariot
Lain_82 said:It's not that none of mi readings are right, they actually are great and I used them a lot to gain some sort of inner perspective on things.
My problem is that I haven't gotten around creating a proper justification as to why I trust a bunch of cards to deliver a useful message. Last month I was happy saying that Tarot cards are a psychological tool to explore the subconscious, just like dreams, because I'm struggling with the whole concept of God and destiny and all those other divine things. However, last week made me revaluate my train of thought. Ok, here's what happened:
Last week a friend of mine told me that her period was late, but we didn't worry. after all, a pregnancy was not possible. She took all sorts of precautions and it was just not likely to think that. We laughed and decided to do a reading for fun knowing that she was NOT pregnated. the cards pulled, however, said otherwise. I told her that they expressed her inner fears and not a real situation, but 2 days ago a blood test (taken because she got frightened after the reading) confirmed what I had tried to ignored: She was definitely pregnated. Now all my friends see me as some sort of witch with magic powers, and I hate it because there is no rational explanation for that.
I don't believe in magic, I believe in the power of the mind and science. So how come I was able to predict a baby when the available evidence contradicted my reading? How do you justify the 'power' behind Tarot? Is there a rational explanation for this? My readings lately have become very accurate even for strangers, and I'm scared..... I know, is stupid, but I thought you guys could help me out.
thanks a lot.
The "rational" explanation is that there is a lot more to life and the universe than can be explained scientifically. We live in a world where some things can be explained and proven scientifically and others cannot. No one can ever adequately prove the spiritual, and even explaining it is scientific terms is exceedingly hard,although they do seem to be making breakthroughs in that. Tarot, of course is a spiritual pursuit.
As for the power behind Tarot, there will be many viewpoints on that. My personal view and belief is that the answers are sent us by our higher powers (Spirit Guides, G-d, angels..., whoever you want to envision them to be) who of course know all answers and can see into the future. They cause the right cards to come up and help encourage us to interpret them properly. That is my opinion and inside myself I am sure of that. But again others may well have other opinions that they are equally sure of. It just can't be proven.
Babs
chryseis
Lain_82,
It is your Spirit that knows everything, but the problem is getting its information through to your mind-consciousness. It is more or less like having two persons in one body, but still one. Your Spirit arranged for the proper card. Each time this happens do not freak out, thank you Spirit for helping and state you can trust me to know more, "I am open."
Next, continue readings, take notes or get feed back in order to develop confidence. When an error occurs, ask your spirit how to be more accurate, look for symbols within your mind or dreams. But, know that symbols have a different meaning then what you know them to be. For instance, a stone is a symbol for a Spirit, a house--your Immortal Divine Spirit, pool--dogma, stream--advancing truth or knowledge, cloud--Divine Realm, flowers--Divine Aspects of the Family of God's Nature within the person, Lightening--Omnipresence of God, etc.
It is your Spirit that knows everything, but the problem is getting its information through to your mind-consciousness. It is more or less like having two persons in one body, but still one. Your Spirit arranged for the proper card. Each time this happens do not freak out, thank you Spirit for helping and state you can trust me to know more, "I am open."
Next, continue readings, take notes or get feed back in order to develop confidence. When an error occurs, ask your spirit how to be more accurate, look for symbols within your mind or dreams. But, know that symbols have a different meaning then what you know them to be. For instance, a stone is a symbol for a Spirit, a house--your Immortal Divine Spirit, pool--dogma, stream--advancing truth or knowledge, cloud--Divine Realm, flowers--Divine Aspects of the Family of God's Nature within the person, Lightening--Omnipresence of God, etc.
Milfoil
chryseis said:But, know that symbols have a different meaning then what you know them to be. For instance, a stone is a symbol for a Spirit, a house--your Immortal Divine Spirit, pool--dogma, stream--advancing truth or knowledge, cloud--Divine Realm, flowers--Divine Aspects of the Family of God's Nature within the person, Lightening--Omnipresence of God, etc.
Wouldn't symbols be personal and depend upon the individuals life experiences?
For example, a person from the UK may see a pool as representing fun, play, exercise or freedom where a person from Nepal may see a pool as representing the sacred feminine or emotional depths and someone from the Australian outback may see a pool as a life source, eden or a spiritual power place.
I've found that peoples interpretation of dream symbols can differ markedly from person to person and each time what is correct is what the individual finds to be right in their own life experience.
Are you talking about something distinct from personal interpretation?
