hunter
This issue does go deeper than Tarot for me.
I feel guilty owning things. Especially because I know that my lifestyle is so mobile due to my stalking situation. I know I will have to suddenly leave things behind. Lots of things need to be thrown away if I don't have time to find homes for it all. Sometimes I think the possessions are more valuable than I am.
I don't think I have the right to temporarily build a home for myself. But when I don't build temporary homes I dissociate worse and can't ground. I have more episodes of confusion and blackouts. I have to give myself permission to own stuff to be safer and to be focused.
But this suddenly packing up and running is SO much harder the more I have to leave behind.
So I look around and panic sometimes and have to purge quickly, to calm down. Being ready calms me.
I binge and purge. Grounded vs being mobile. I can't do both well at once.
And then there is the Rabbit deck. I think that one might be separate from the rest of it. That one I think was just overkill. I had enough decks to ground. I just wanted it! Really wanted it! I'm not sure what that was about. Just pure, childish, I want it. I'm not used to that feeling...and thought hmmm....maybe I should just do something reckless and impulsive, because I want to, instead of being so logical about it all. Rabbits isn't logical
Of all things? Rabbits?
Yeah, this is all much deeper than tarot cards.
I feel guilty owning things. Especially because I know that my lifestyle is so mobile due to my stalking situation. I know I will have to suddenly leave things behind. Lots of things need to be thrown away if I don't have time to find homes for it all. Sometimes I think the possessions are more valuable than I am.
I don't think I have the right to temporarily build a home for myself. But when I don't build temporary homes I dissociate worse and can't ground. I have more episodes of confusion and blackouts. I have to give myself permission to own stuff to be safer and to be focused.
But this suddenly packing up and running is SO much harder the more I have to leave behind.
So I look around and panic sometimes and have to purge quickly, to calm down. Being ready calms me.
I binge and purge. Grounded vs being mobile. I can't do both well at once.
And then there is the Rabbit deck. I think that one might be separate from the rest of it. That one I think was just overkill. I had enough decks to ground. I just wanted it! Really wanted it! I'm not sure what that was about. Just pure, childish, I want it. I'm not used to that feeling...and thought hmmm....maybe I should just do something reckless and impulsive, because I want to, instead of being so logical about it all. Rabbits isn't logical
Of all things? Rabbits?Yeah, this is all much deeper than tarot cards.
