Mmm...crow tastes like chicken.

[Psychebleu]

This is a two part inquiry - the other part which I will post in the 'Your Readings' section.

You know how you guys are always talking about building rapport? I need to learn how to do that. I said in another thread that most people go to a tarot reader expecting a 'psychic' type, that will just tell them about their life. Well, while I'm fine with a 'just the facts, ma'am' approach - I think MOST people probably expect a certain warmth. Warmth I do not possess - outside of my own home/space anyway. I am naturally quiet and I struggle as the reader and if I really want to go professional that's something I've got to work on. Communication skills. I express my thoughts clearly - but my manner is lacking. No one has said anything but I did two quick readings today at work and I noticed it. I also notice my hesitance when the answer is not as hoped for - I almost can't spit out what I know will disappoint. I'm not talking about something necessarily negative, just disappointing - today the question was about meeting a new love interest - and that wasn't happening anytime soon. I actually felt anxious after seeing the cards - not wanting to tell her that. I think I feel that way, because I tend to just spit it out, try to be clear, but I don't know how to say it in a way that is comforting; I don't want them to go away crestfallen if it's just about delay, like the reading today. Ya know, sometimes it all in how you say it and I've neglected that aspect of reading.

This is on my mind because I was asked by two new people to read their cards and they both asked how much I charged. Charge? Which has me wondering why I don't get on with it. What's holding me back? I did a reading (celtic cross spread) about it tonight - no specific question, just along the lines of "What's it about this tarot thing? How will it progress? What am I afraid of?" I think the cards were very clear, on many levels, with layers of meaning. The communication problem was made clear. I also am still having trouble deciding how to charge. Although the recent thread on pricing has given me many ideas, I'm still confused. I've thought about that plenty and am still stuck - so I thought I'd ask you all. I'd really appreciate your advice and guidance. I'm soooo glad I found this place.

 

[psychicbody]

If you already have the divinary and psychic skills, then I think repport is only optional... are you really in it to make friends, or to enlighten people?
As for giving disappointed anwers, you should concider the facts: they came to you for answers that they are unable to find themselves. So, they should be made aware that your job is not to baby them, but be up front and honest.

Perhaps "live" readings might not be your thing. Have you tried others mediums, such as the Internet and phonelines? Although finding a job in this field is increadably difficult - you are interested, I can point to you a place I used to work for, that is ethical and authentic.

 

[Psychebleu]

Thanks so much

That's what I've always thought - you know, because that's what I would want. Sometimes though, I don't know if they come with a serious need and are to the point where they just want truth. That reading today about the love interest - she saw my cards and was excited and said something like, "Oh, do mine! Hey, am I gonna meet anyone? You know I'm going to that golf tournament..." She was laughing and seemed lighthearted enough, yet she also spoke about a divorce from someone she just could no longer be with, and being a single mother, etc. That's what threw me. She wasn't saying - "Whatever it is, I just want the truth..." Also, based on the reading, she obviously had been thinking seriously of the issue and longing for a companion for some time - I didn't know if she could stand the discouragement. She's bubbly and upbeat, but today, between her words, there was a noticeable heavy sadness. I didn't want to be the one to tell her "Nope, not yet." You're right, I do feel that ultimately I'm there to tell the truth and state it with clarity. Still, I have a critical nature, and while I see it as constructive, others have thought it harsh - that worry may be in the back of my mind when I give readings.

I've considered building a website, as well as reading by phone. Could you pm me about that place?

Thanks again.

 

[Umbrae]

Napoleon Dynamite taught us the importance of skills, “You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills…”

Divinatory and psychic skills are fine. But if ya dint be talkin’ good do anybody care? Ib you don’t gots communicative skills you be suckin’ hind...the muddy one...never mind…

Lack of rapport building skills will bleed through into other reading venues, telephone or internet.

I don’t care how good your divinatory skills are – if you are unable to communicate, and build a bond between you and the sitter – you won’t get repeat business, in fact – most likely you won’t even really build a reputation as a mediocre reader.

Remember, people can get answers from family, friends, lawyers, doctors, the clergy, Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer…do they really come to us for answers? Or do they come to us for something else?

In fact: why do you read tarot for others? And more importantly, why do they come to you?

The answers you provide to those questions (to yourself) are paramount in beginning to build yourself...as a live reader.

So somebody walks in for a whatever reading and every bad card in the deck comes up....

But how you gonna tell them? Every bad card in the deck comes up. It ain’t what you say, it’s how you say it. Like I’ve said before, as your sitter sits there staring at the cards listening to your words – even though you tell them “for entertainment purposes only, no serious decisions blah blah blah” you’ve done the legal statements, you’ve done the disclaimers…they will still will go home and act…based on your reading. Sometimes…they may react in negative ways.

Sure the cards were right, but did you give them positive solutions to negative aspects?

Or do they go home and based on your ‘reading’ - suck off a .38?

Sure you gots the skills, and sure your ethical…do we hear a nice comforting staccato delivery of keywords?

Yes you do need rapport building skills. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

And yes - things WILL happen as a result of your 'reading'. Reading is serious stuff - it's also fun - and we serve an important function in and of society and our culture (IMO).

Remember – a face to face reading is NOT a monologue – it’s a conversation, a dialogue.

A couple things to keep in mind to help you build rapport:

Finding your voice…. Television, radio, pop culture…all are voices jockeying for a position in your head – you’ve got to know your real voice. When you speak with your own voice – you will be perceived as a good reader.

Never scare them. Be gentle, and positive.

Remember, eleven minutes of a good reading may be more effective than eight years of therapy.

And yeah, a critical nature is fine, but in a reading situation, others may take it as judgmental. And truth rocks…but sometimes you have to brush its teeth before you ask someone to kiss it…

 

[Flidais]

And truth rocks…but sometimes you have to brush its teeth before you ask someone to kiss it…

That is toooo funny, Umbrae. And too true!

Psychebleu, I only do readings by internet -- partly because there are next to no opportunities to do otherwise where I live. I have found that many of my clients are simply looking for someone they can "talk to" who will listen and respond and care.

It's in my nature to notice commonalities between my querents and myself, and I often comment on these. Before I begin the actual reading, I often express sympathy, empathy, or affirmation about the situation they describe or the area they are concerned about.

In the case of your coworker, is it impossible that she will meet a new love interest soon? Can you guarantee that? Is the future written in stone? It might soften the blow if you pulled a card or two to show how she could improve her chances of meeting someone, even though the first card(s) indicated it wasn't likely that she would meet a new love interest anytime soon.

Just a few ideas off the top...

 

[lunes]

I've considered building a website, as well as reading by phone.
QUOTE]

If you are a complete novice at building websites, I used a website maker which was really easy and good fun. I even think they do free ones now. If you are interested in finding out more you can access the "build your own site page" through my website.

Hope this helps.
Lunes

 

[Psychebleu]

>>Divinatory and psychic skills are fine. But if ya dint be talkin’ good do anybody care? Ib you don’t gots communicative skills you be suckin’ hind...the muddy one...never mind…

Lack of rapport building skills will bleed through into other reading venues, telephone or internet.


This is my main concern.

>>I don’t care how good your divinatory skills are – if you are unable to communicate, and build a bond between you and the sitter – you won’t get repeat business, in fact – most likely you won’t even really build a reputation as a mediocre reader.

Yep, if I can't speak someone's language they most likely won't come back. Luckily, people must have overlooked that - as I already have built a good reputation. Or maybe I am more warm then I think, depending on the situation? Maybe it's not that I'm not warm - but not 'gregarious' or 'entertaining'???

>>Remember, people can get answers from family, friends, lawyers, doctors, the clergy, Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer…do they really come to us for answers? Or do they come to us for something else?

The examples you listed are all pretty much specialized fields - you don't go to your lawyer about relationship issues, but legal advice. You won't seek out a family member about personal a issue if they are indirectly involved or a solution may affect the relationship. For example, you want to start a new business which will consume the energy and attention once available to them, or if risky, the financial support you provided won't be there, or they may feel you are leaving them behind. Their 'answers' may be an expression of personal fear. Dr. Phil, Jerry - you can see it on tv or read a book, but no, most can't go to them w/ personal concerns and receive individualized insight. And yes, I think they do come to us for answers.

>>In fact: why do you read tarot for others? And more importantly, why do they come to you?

>>The answers you provide to those questions (to yourself) are paramount in beginning to build yourself...as a live reader.

I know why I read, but I won't post it, as I don't think that was your point.

>>So somebody walks in for a whatever reading and every bad card in the deck comes up....

>>But how you gonna tell them? Every bad card in the deck comes up. It ain’t what you say, it’s how you say it. Like I’ve said before, as your sitter sits there staring at the cards listening to your words – even though you tell them “for entertainment purposes only, no serious decisions blah blah blah” you’ve done the legal statements, you’ve done the disclaimers…they will still will go home and act…based on your reading. Sometimes…they may react in negative ways.

>>Sure the cards were right, but did you give them positive solutions to negative aspects?

>>Or do they go home and based on your ‘reading’ - suck off a .38?

I see we have a similar tendency to exaggerate a bit to get the point across, but yes, that's EXACTLY it. It's not about why I read, or if I'm good - I have no confusion about that.

>>Sure you gots the skills, and sure your ethical…do we hear a nice comforting staccato delivery of keywords?

I don't know it this is tongue in check or real advice - you're throwing me off with the word 'comforting', which is a quality I want to develope and reason for the inquiry.

>>Yes you do need rapport building skills. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

>>And yes - things WILL happen as a result of your 'reading'. Reading is serious stuff - it's also fun - and we serve an important function in and of society and our culture (IMO).

>>Remember – a face to face reading is NOT a monologue – it’s a conversation, a dialogue.

This is the tricky part. You're not suggesting it be a conversation from the minute they walk in to the minute they leave, are you? Them piping up and stopping you along the way with questions or to confirm is one thing - but me initiating it, from beginning to end asking them to comment on everything I'm saying is something else. Or pointing to cards I haven't much commented on, and saying something like, "What do you think she/he is feeling? What's going on here? How does the picture make you feel?" I may as well be administering a Rorschach test. That's fine if it is clearly the purpose of meeting - but that isn't the case with most people.

Personally, the closest I've come to this kind of thing, is after a reading - using the image to go over various cards and positions in the spread, explaining the qualities and how they represent energies at work. I remember one reading in which the Magician was particularly important and I really brought attention to the visual (RWS) and said something like, "See his table? He (you) *already has* (have) all the tools necessary. He has to use them and develop that ability. See the position of his hands? 'As above, so below' - it's just a matter of manifesting what you want, and getting control of your negative thoughts..." I could tell that really hit home, and made perfect sense to her. I shouldn't be so timid in expressing that kind of enthusiam and energy. Open up more.

>>A couple things to keep in mind to help you build rapport:

>>Finding your voice…. Television, radio, pop culture…all are voices jockeying for a position in your head – you’ve got to know your real voice. When you speak with your own voice – you will be perceived as a good reader.

>>Never scare them. Be gentle, and positive.

Ah, but this is the problem. I worry that my voice isn't gentle enough. Maybe I'm making this too big in my mind.

>>Remember, eleven minutes of a good reading may be more effective than eight years of therapy.

>>And yeah, a critical nature is fine, but in a reading situation, others may take it as judgmental. And truth rocks…but sometimes you have to brush its teeth before you ask someone to kiss it…

I probably didn't express that well enough. I didn't mean critical as in judgmental - I think I make it clear to the querent that his/her actions are none of my business - up until the reading and after. I won't advise them what to do, as far as action, or in relation to another person - unless it concerns danger or real misfortune - or it's something they can do psychologically for themselves, about mindset. I will advise on possibilities and the progression of a matter based on actions they are considering, but I feel one needs to decide what to do with that info for themselves. I meant critical as in a mature sword personality, discrimination - I cut right through the BS; maybe being around insecure people has made me feel harsh for not sugarcoating everything.

Thank you Umbrae. Out of your post and my response to it, evolved even more questions and insight.

 

[Psychebleu]

>>Psychebleu, I only do readings by internet -- partly because there are next to no opportunities to do otherwise where I live. I have found that many of my clients are simply looking for someone they can "talk to" who will listen and respond and care.

>>It's in my nature to notice commonalities between my querents and myself, and I often comment on these. Before I begin the actual reading, I often express sympathy, empathy, or affirmation about the situation they describe or the area they are concerned about.

This is what I need to be able to do. I tend to hold back just because I not so comfortable and feel 'gushy' (which is an exaggerated fear, because I usually function at the other extreme). I've realized that a selfish thing to do.

>>In the case of your coworker, is it impossible that she will meet a new love interest soon? Can you guarantee that? Is the future written in stone?

No, I did tell her not right now - that's not what's happening now, and in the immediate future. I did say, it didn't mean it won't happen. That's why I didn't want to tell her, as I thought she would take it that way.

>> It might soften the blow if you pulled a card or two to show how she could improve her chances of meeting someone, even though the first card(s) indicated it wasn't likely that she would meet a new love interest anytime soon.

See! This is why I asked here! Something so obvious to you didn't even cross my mind - and I'm sure that would have uplifted her.

Thanks so much.

Cool idea Lunes- I'll check out your link.

 

[Umbrae]

...more than likely, no additional cards would be necessary - Tarot tends to tell us what we need to know, as is...

however without the benefit of seeing the cards used, pulling additional cards is fair advice.

Myself, I never pull additional cards. Clarifying cards? Clarify what?

The answer’s always there in front of you. Learning to hear the answer displayed, is a part of what makes a good reader.

…experience…

Edited to add: Website reading, is VERY different from face to face readings. The latter can help improve the former – but not visa versa.

Different animal there.

And you may want to check in and see how many readers there are who have set up reading websites and never had a reading…

Then you have the folks who will help you set up a site for a fee…

Reading face to face is where all the answers to your questions lie…

Experience…

 

[Umbrae]

>>>Remember, people can get answers from family, friends, lawyers, doctors, the clergy, Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer…do they really come to us for answers? Or do they come to us for something else?

The examples you listed are all pretty much specialized fields - you don't go to your lawyer about relationship issues, but legal advice. You won't seek out a family member about personal a issue if they are indirectly involved or a solution may affect the relationship...And yes, I think they do come to us for answers.

>>Sure you gots the skills, and sure your ethical…do we hear a nice comforting staccato delivery of keywords?

I don't know it this is tongue in check or real advice - you're throwing me off with the word 'comforting', which is a quality I want to develop and reason for the inquiry.

>>Remember – a face to face reading is NOT a monologue – it’s a conversation, a dialogue.

This is the tricky part. You're not suggesting it be a conversation from the minute they walk in to the minute they leave, are you? Them piping up and stopping you along the way with questions or to confirm is one thing - but me initiating it, from beginning to end asking them to comment on everything I'm saying is something else. Or pointing to cards I haven't much commented on, and saying something like, "What do you think she/he is feeling? What's going on here? How does the picture make you feel?" I may as well be administering a Rorschach test. That's fine if it is clearly the purpose of meeting - but that isn't the case with most people.

>>Never scare them. Be gentle, and positive.

Ah, but this is the problem. I worry that my voice isn't gentle enough. Maybe I'm making this too big in my mind.

Read a few more years and you’ll find that they don’t come to us for answers, they come to us because we are readers. There’s a huge difference there. Once you know that – deep inside yourself, you begin to find your voice.

…ain’t nothing comforting about a staccato delivery of keywords memorized from some book. But comforting is what you should aspire to. So shun the keyword delivery.

Dialogue vs Monologue. No I’m not friendly gladhanding from the minute they walk in, no a reading is not a “"What do you think she/he is feeling, what's going on here, how does the picture make you feel, Rorschach test kinda thing.”

But you have to take the cards, and apply them so they have context with their life! It’s communication. How do you communicate if you and I sit down together to chat over white tea? Why does it change when we pull out the Tarot deck? Experience…

And hey – my voice is not gentle. But how I deliver my words changes that.

Experience…