Reading for others because you are curious

[SunChariot]

I personally believe that it is as accurate as any other reading. For me I do not try to connect to anyone else's energies anyway. For me divination is a communication with the Divine,whcih knows all past,present and future. In that way the cards can answer any question at all accurately. No matter whom it is about.

While yes, asking the other person how they feel might be the ideal, for one reason or other it is not always possible. I have had feelings for another person a few times where it was not possible to ask the other person. One where we were only in contact rarely so I would have had to wait months to ask. And one where I suspected the other person felt something too but it would have been literally inappropriate to ask at that time (for rasons i will not get into right now ) And yet the cards do show a glowing future for us so that time when we can talk openly about it will come, I am sure and then there will be no need to read on that and I will be able to ask in person.

I don't personally see anything wrong with asking such questions. People who know me, know I am a reader and I will read on things that are worrying me to get back my peace of mind. So it is not a surprise to them. When somethings worries me that is how i deal with it by doing readings to find the way back to inner calm. I would never ask for a negative reason. But i also have never had anyone be upset that I read on them when I told them I had to resolve things in my mind. No one has ever minded afterwards if I told them in my experience.

And I know personally it would not bother me is someone read on me if it helped them feel better in some way. I'd be happy for them if it helped them in some way. Althogh maybe curous to hear what their cards had said. LOL

I also have no qualms about reading for others on how someone else feels for them. Unless I sense a negative motivation, in which case I will not do the reading.
Babs

 

[punchinella]

I don't personally see anything wrong with asking such questions. People who know me, know I am a reader and I will read on things that are worrying me to get back my peace of mind. So it is not a surprise to them. When somethings worries me that is how i deal with it by doing readings to find the way back to inner calm.

I will ask questions about other people for the same reason. I am a worrier and will fret endlessly over whether so-and-so was offended when I commented on such-and-such . . . and so, to attain peace of mind, have no problem pulling a card to find out what so-and-so's feelings actually were/are. I don't see any ethical problem with this since I am asking about the impact of my own words and actions, and/or about how they (and I) am perceived. It's invariably calming, because if the card is positive I can just stop worrying, and if not I can plan what to do next (pulling more cards if necessary). Reading on the other person is a diagnosis, in other words, which paves the way for me to fix problems which I might not otherwise understand.

Those with better-developed social skills might not need to use tarot in this way, but for me, it helps.

 

[SunChariot]

I will ask questions about other people for the same reason. I am a worrier and will fret endlessly over whether so-and-so was offended when I commented on such-and-such . . . and so, to attain peace of mind, have no problem pulling a card to find out what so-and-so's feelings actually were/are. I don't see any ethical problem with this since I am asking about the impact of my own words and actions, and/or about how they (and I) am perceived. It's invariably calming, because if the card is positive I can just stop worrying, and if not I can plan what to do next (pulling more cards if necessary). Reading on the other person is a diagnosis, in other words, which paves the way for me to fix problems which I might not otherwise understand.

Those with better-developed social skills might not need to use tarot in this way, but for me, it helps.

I understand. And that sounds like a good use of Tarot to me. It is not hurting anyone and I don't think the other person would want you to worry if they knew you were, most times. In my experiuenve people would rather we do what we need to to resolve those feelings then sit there worrying over them. I know I would sure rather someone ressolve those feelings through a reading then feel badly about something that happened between us. I would MUCH rather them read on me, even if I did not know it, then have them wonder if I were feeling offended, if it was a concern for them.


Babs

 

[KMilliron]

Example- My brother has severe adhd, and is on new medication. Mom has his teachers call her to tell him how he's been doing. Turns out they've been lying. They said hes been fine, but now that my brother is heading to jail for acting out due to his medicine, the real story is cropping up. The kid sits at his desk and cries for six hours straight and leaves the room without permission at times. Mind you last time he was on this kind of meds he tried killing himself, so I think this news would be important to tell my mother.


But I digress. I plan on reading on him, without his permission. I want to see what he's feeling, what's causing it, and how to best help him. This is WITHOUT permission but for those of you who are against such readings, would you make an exception in an example like this?

 

[gregory]

Example- My brother has severe adhd, and is on new medication. Mom has his teachers call her to tell him how he's been doing. Turns out they've been lying. They said hes been fine, but now that my brother is heading to jail for acting out due to his medicine, the real story is cropping up. The kid sits at his desk and cries for six hours straight and leaves the room without permission at times. Mind you last time he was on this kind of meds he tried killing himself, so I think this news would be important to tell my mother.


But I digress. I plan on reading on him, without his permission. I want to see what he's feeling, what's causing it, and how to best help him. This is WITHOUT permission but for those of you who are against such readings, would you make an exception in an example like this?

Fair point. Though I am not at all sure how I would phrase a question...

 

[Est]

In my experience of surrogate healing work for others (sometimes at their request, sometimes on my own choice), I can only access 'so much'. Whether we are going through something (the divine? the collective unconscious?) or not, ultimately it still forms a connection to them and is dependent on their willingness - at some unconscious level of awareness - to go with that.

Sometimes with surrogate work I can't get in at all. There's a barrier. So I stop. That's a fairly clear message! Other times, the floodgates open and it's all there. Sometimes it's a mixture.

I firmly believe that, even though the person may not be aware at a conscious level, they are aware and can choose what to allow you to access - or not - at an unconscious level. My experiences have led me to this belief.

Being new to tarot, I've never had to consider this issue in light of reading the cards for someone. My gut feeling is that the same would hold true, as (in my opinion) it's the same energetic principles governing it.

However, I follow a 3 step process in surrogate work as a safeguard and I would *definitely* carry over a safeguarding process to tarot. It wouldn't be the same because it's a different process, but it might be something like:

The first step would be to read the cards to become aware of my own relationship to the situation. This gives useful insight into motives, possible outcomes and also to help me clear any unhelpful emotion of my own about the issue that could influence the reading.

The second step would be to decide, in light of the above, whether it was appropriate to continue with a reading. Part of that decision would be how, and whether, I would use the information. If there's something in it for me, if I've got an emotional investment in it, I would have to ask myself honestly whether there was also something in it for the other person. If I cannot use the reading for good, there may be no point in doing it. It might even be unethical. However, 'for good' could also be something as simple as the reading helping me to change my perspective about someone or something, and therefore change my behaviour or communication (for example). The purpose could be indirect but still beneficial.

The third step: I'd then go on to read for the person. And that's where I'd know whether or not it was ok with them - because I'd get out exactly the information they allowed. In surrogate work, doing the first two steps of the three step process seems to help get a better outcome at step 3. It definitely helps shape your intent and form a more productive and acceptable connection to the person (or animal - I think our intent is important whether we're looking at a friend or at our dog!)

 

[gregory]

Most healers I know won't do anything without actual permission either.

 

[KMilliron]

Fair point. Though I am not at all sure how I would phrase a question...

I'm going to find/make a spread as there are quite a few things that I'd need to focus on.

 

[MissJo]

I personally believe that it is as accurate as any other reading. For me I do not try to connect to anyone else's energies anyway. For me divination is a communication with the Divine,whcih knows all past,present and future. In that way the cards can answer any question at all accurately. No matter whom it is about.

While yes, asking the other person how they feel might be the ideal, for one reason or other it is not always possible. I have had feelings for another person a few times where it was not possible to ask the other person. One where we were only in contact rarely so I would have had to wait months to ask. And one where I suspected the other person felt something too but it would have been literally inappropriate to ask at that time (for rasons i will not get into right now ) And yet the cards do show a glowing future for us so that time when we can talk openly about it will come, I am sure and then there will be no need to read on that and I will be able to ask in person.

I don't personally see anything wrong with asking such questions. People who know me, know I am a reader and I will read on things that are worrying me to get back my peace of mind. So it is not a surprise to them. When somethings worries me that is how i deal with it by doing readings to find the way back to inner calm. I would never ask for a negative reason. But i also have never had anyone be upset that I read on them when I told them I had to resolve things in my mind. No one has ever minded afterwards if I told them in my experience.

And I know personally it would not bother me is someone read on me if it helped them feel better in some way. I'd be happy for them if it helped them in some way. Althogh maybe curous to hear what their cards had said. LOL

I also have no qualms about reading for others on how someone else feels for them. Unless I sense a negative motivation, in which case I will not do the reading.
Babs

Completely agree with this.

 

[Owl Song]

I'll weigh in on this.

I think that a third party reading will be as accurate as any other reading, limited (as all readings are) by the knowledge, skill, and bias of the interpreter.

My definition of a "third party reading" would be: a reading performed specifically for or from the point of view of another person who is not present and from whom you do not have express permission to read.

Generally, I do not do third party readings as defined above. I have, however, asked questions about people whom I care about. I have also done readings about individuals that my querents care for or are concerned for.

A personal example would be readings that I have done about my brother when he was going through a difficult time. "What do I need to know about my brother's situation and how can I help?" The wording, I think, is key. By phrasing the question in such a way, I'm allowing in only what I need to know to be helpful. I'm not poking around to reveal anybody's secrets.

Personally, I don't see this type of query as being unethical. Some certainly might disagree. I think that we all have to use our best judgment and make the moral decisions that we are comfortable with.

In relationship readings, I've often been asked to read on the classic question, "How does So-and-So feel about me?" Years ago, this is something that I might have read either for myself or others. But as a more mature person, I honestly don't see it as very valuable in and of itself. As an isolated question, it really isn't very insightful or helpful. Now, in the context of a larger reading where more issues are considered, it might be useful information as part of a greater whole or picture--but I wouldn't specifically ask about it. At the same time, neither will I shy away from it if it happens to come up in a relationship reading on another topic. It's definitely one of those gray areas where you ultimately have to let your conscience be your guide.