Tarot Use - Permission

[Sphinxmoth]

He's a wanker who thinks it's okay to hit other people. Your friend is in trouble already, and it is not the greatest thing in the world (for you) that you associate with him, either.
What you mean to say is he doesn't hit her *yet*. It only needs time, and probably not much of that.
All your friends red flags should be up, and if they aren't, she needs to wise up *QUICKLY*.
What's she getting from him that's so great, that outweighs the control-freak nature of her relationship with this .. person?

this is a very old story, and still a sad and scary one. who needs from cards to read it?

I also don't have any problem with reading for (about) other people, but my ethics levels are very low and malleable ones, to start with.

 

[ilweran]

I'd say the big question is what you think of this. Do you think it's ok to do this reading?

Personally I try not to read for other people without their permission. I did do a reading not so long ago about someone close to me- I knew there was a problem, but I also knew it was private. I was very specific in my reading - didn't ask about what the outcome would be, didn't ask about what the problem was or who (if anyone!) else was involved etc. I just asked how she was doing at that time. To me that was ok as I was concerned, but not trying to pry.

 

[Nydia]

It isn't that I automatically made up my mind. In fact, he made a good "FIRST" impression on me. But the lasting impression was when my friend gave the disclaimer that he hit his old girlfriend and was alright with it because she was apparently "Crazy". It was the most one-sided story I had ever heard. I don't think he hits my friend because they just got together, but he has this sickening energy to him, and it is my business because he is super super super nosey, and he won't let my friend out of his sight. She can never hang out with me without him there and he invites himself to everything and I don't like being around his energy. In a way their relationship does impact me because it changes my environment negatively.

How about if I ask "What do I need to know about "Name"?'' or "How will "Name" impact my life and relationship with my friend?"

The things you said in that first paragraph should be discussed with your friend (without the boyfriend there, of course). Look up verbal abuse on Google and you will find that her boyfriend fits the descriptions of someone who is verbally abusive.

I like the question also, "What do I need to know about "Name"?". Just use 1-3 cards if you want to do a reading.

However, I would not bother to mention the tarot reading to your friend. I wouldn't want her to blow you off.

I hope your friend gets out of that relationship soon because it is harder to leave as time goes on. Please research verbal abuse on the internet. She might never get hit, but he is already being controlling. Just because he hasn't actually hit her doesn't make the relationship healthy.

 

[Sophie]

It isn't that I automatically made up my mind. In fact, he made a good "FIRST" impression on me. But the lasting impression was when my friend gave the disclaimer that he hit his old girlfriend and was alright with it because she was apparently "Crazy". It was the most one-sided story I had ever heard. I don't think he hits my friend because they just got together, but he has this sickening energy to him, and it is my business because he is super super super nosey, and he won't let my friend out of his sight. She can never hang out with me without him there and he invites himself to everything and I don't like being around his energy. In a way their relationship does impact me because it changes my environment negatively.

How about if I ask "What do I need to know about "Name"?'' or "How will "Name" impact my life and relationship with my friend?"

I'm not even sure you need a card reading with all those red lights. Go with your intuition and trust it. In any case, until these tendencies in her boyfriend hit your friend (or he does), she will stick with him. Hopefully he won't make her "crazy". You're a good friend - just be there for her. You could tell her you don't want him around every time you see her - after all, she is your friend and needs to understand she has to tend to your friendship too, not only her new romance.

As for the ethical dimension, I regard cards as an extension of my intuition. Just as I don't switch off my intuition when I meet people and then read a book or hear a song and these help me understand something about those people, in the same way, I don't switch off my cards - but I am careful not to fall into gossip-type readings. If the intent is generous, to confirm an intuition or understand where you stand in a situation, then I say - go for it. If the intent is to be nosy and satisfy your curiosity, then the reading is not led by a healthy intent.

 

[Sinduction]

I also don't have any problem with reading for (about) other people, but my ethics levels are very low and malleable ones, to start with.

I'd like to think this mindset is not of low or nonexistent ethics but of a reasonable mind.

The idea that it is somehow wrong or unethical to do readings about other people without permission is a myth. Ethics have nothing to do with it. It's a personal preference and either way is the right way for that particular reader.

You are free to make up your own mind about how you want to use tarot. And don't let anyone ever tell you anything different.

 

[Demon Goddess]

Frankly, I think absolutely nothing negative of reading for someone else without their permission... That said, having seen women murdered because of wife beaters, I'd voluntarily do the reading for you, if you feel qualms about doing it yourself.

ETA ... and I have VERY HIGH ethics.

 

[re-pete-a]

Your feelings towards the both of them is clouded by your feelings (good or bad) They have selected each other,just be there for your friend when/if she needs you.By all means do a reading if your concerned ,as long as you feel ok with it.Just for your own info, to be ready to catch ,if necessary.But you can't stop some baby falling when they're starting to walk,so you're there to mop up the tears and encourage it to keep trying,let the baby walk.!!

 

[Demon Goddess]

Your feelings towards the both of them is clouded by your feelings (good or bad) They have selected each other,just be there for your friend when/if she needs you.By all means do a reading if your concerned ,as long as you feel ok with it.Just for your own info, to be ready to catch ,if necessary.But you can't stop some baby falling when they're starting to walk,so you're there to mop up the tears and encourage it to keep trying,let the baby walk.!!

If someone is a child molestor, I do not leave my children in their presence in the hopes that they MIGHT not molest my children.

Pete, you're one of the wisest people I know (when I understand you), but in this case... I disagree 100%.

 

[xhollysue]

I would go for it if I were you. The purpose of the cards is to guide people. You are in a conundrum - do you step in or leave it be? Sounds like you could use some guidance.

Personally, I would approach the reading something like this:
1---3
-------5---6
2---4

1 - How your friend is showing up in this relationship
2 - How her boyfriend is showing up on the relationship
3 - The strengths of the relationship
4 - The weaknesses of the relationship
5 - Your role in this relationship
6 - Advice for you

A spread like this will tell you not only the attitudes of the people in the relationship, but will let you know what's GOOD about it (helping you learn optimism) and what's BAD about it (warning you if you need to keep your eyes open). Then it will tell you whether or not you should get involved, and how.

Like Fudu said, we listen to our intuition (or maybe our judgments) about people, no matter what - with or without the cards. But the cards can be used to pull you into a space of objectivity, and as a guide for how to react as a true friend.

It may be that the boyfriend shows up as approaching the relationship as the Page of Cups - maybe he's emotional but clumsy about it. And then, you have an insight and can be patient with him. Maybe the weaknesses of the relationship is the Devil - and your role is the Knight of Swords. Ok, so now you know to keep your eyes open for co-dependency and be the voice of warning to your friend when you see it happening.

As a tarot reader, my friends and family know that I'm constantly reading about anything that comes up for me. If I'm nervous about my brother starting a new job, I do a reading to calm my nerves. If I don't know how to feel about my obnoxious 16-year old neice, I do a reading about it. Usually the cards ask me to be patient with her, and point out her good attributes ha ha. I see it as no different than me sitting and pondering an issue or a matter.

 

[rwcarter]

What spreads would you suggest? Past, Present, and Future?

Your post got me to thinking and I developed this spread that you hopefully may find useful.

Rodney