Trusting the cards in a self-reading

[Niti]

This has been bothering me a lot lately...

When I first started to use tarot cards, I wanted to use them as a tool for self-exploration, growth, and general questions about my life. I didn't worry about it too much at first, because I was a beginner. I was still fetching books to figure out what readings meant.

After I found AT, I began to do readings for others and it was a different game. Because I didn't know the people I was reading for, I had to rely much more on intuition...I had to look at the details in the cards so much more, think about things that stood out for me in particular cards. In the style I developed, it wasn't about traditional meanings. It was about piecing together bits of each card to illustrate a situation and give advice.

Cue me being frustrated with self-readings. As my intuitive style took form and my knowledge of the cards grew, my own readings began to bother me more. I couldn't be "intuitive" with my own cards! When I found connections between the cards I drew and my life, I couldn't trust it - "yeah, but I'm only relating this because I know that's how it is!", I'd tell myself. Or, "Well, I think this is what it means but I don't know, I'm probably only saying that because I already thought that before/that's what I want it to be/that's what I'm afraid of it being."

When it comes to "the future" in self-readings, I often draw a complete blank. My intuition doesn't work. I fall back on "textbook definitions" or write down the cards I pulled and a huge question mark, promising myself to come back to it later.

Other times, I'll sit down to do a reading, pull out some cards, and not feel the urge to analyze them at all. I'll write them down and put something vague like "good day" for the meaning.

I'm not sure what the problem is here. Am I not trusting my cards, or am I just unable to read cards for myself? Does anyone else have this problem?

How can I learn to trust my own cards?!

 

[petrina_678]

i dont think its an issue of trust.
When i draw cards for the future , i dont know why but i just KNOW what the card is trying to tell me. But when i started i was totally lost... i think understanding the basic meanings of all the cards helped me.
When you read for the future try thinking of the meaning of the card and adapting it so that it fits you while using the symbols to guide you along

 

[Silaria]

I can't read for myself; not because I don't trust the cards but because I don't trust myself to remain neutral. It really isn't all that uncommon for someone to have difficulty reading for themselves for this very reason.

That doesn't mean I don't read for myself. I do daily pulls and if I had a rather bad day I'll pull the cards to ask what I can learn from the situation. More serious issues, like jobs, finances, clarity for major decisions, I usually turn to one of my friends who also read - and who I trust to be honest.

In some ways I envy those who are able to successfully read their own cards.

 

[Quizeen]

I still consider myself to be a beginner, but it seems to me that this would be a pretty common problem. Just like you had to learn the basic mechanics of reading and then progress along to developing intuition, now maybe you need to learn to read for yourself. It might seem like traveling backwards, but in this case it isn't, it's just another step on your path.

So, perhaps consider getting Mary Greer's Tarot for Yourself and working through it in order to reconnect with self-readings. It couldn't hurt.

 

[le fey]

Self-reading seems to be a somewhat different animal than reading for others, even if many of the same tools and techniques are used. I think the problem comes from expecting it to have entirely the same goal as reading for others.

Self-readings, for me, mean that yes, I *do* know what's going on in my life and no I not only can't be 'neutral' - I don't understand why I'd want to be. It's my life - if I'm not an active participant in it, then who will be?

Self-reading is one thing I do to remain an active player in the events of my life. I don't think the cards tell me much that I don't, on some level, know already. The problem is, what I know is often tossed into a gigantic box marked 'misc' and until some filing and sorting is done, the information is useless to me. Tarot is a filing system.

If I have a problem to solve or something that needs clarity and I didn't have Tarot... I could (and would) write about it and see what it is I said - there are nuggets of truth in there. I might write lists and figure out who the main players are, what my pros and cons are about a certain course of action, what the chronology of events was that led to the current situation... even forecast out the most likely trends given the current situation. I might take all that, and then journal some more, trying to work out what I might be missing, and self-check myself for reactions to see what I'm resisting wanting to see, what irritates me, and explore why. And if some image or idea pops up out of nowhere, write that flash of intuition down - maybe that's just your mind making a connection that your conscious self hasn't figured out how it connects yet.

It can be done - I've done it often. Many people make careers out of doing and helping others do just this sort of analysis.

You don't *need* Tarot to do this sort of work. Many people who would never pick up a deck manage to do this.

But for me...Tarot imagery provides the burst of inspiration to bring all that seemingly unrelated data into focus, and a reading provides a framework to put it into context. So I can spend days working it all out without Tarot, or an hour or less and read for myself, look at the cards and do a V-8 smack to the forehead, "Oh, duh! Of course!" and argue with the cards a bit ("Whattaya mean I resist having my beliefs challenged? How dare y...oh. Fine then!") and to my mind that is some good, efficient Tarot work.

Since it's about organizing what you already know on some level, treating 'what you know' as a bad thing makes no sense to me. You're trying to get at where it all fits into the bigger picture. It seems artificial to eliminate the parts of the puzzle you're aware of, as if it's cheating to not be entirely in the dark.

One thing about self-reading I don't allow myself to do... is say the reading didn't work, or "I'm confused" and leave it at that. If I'm confused, that's where I awnt to focus until I drill down to what it means. If the reading totally doesn't make any sense, what's wrong is that I don't really have the heart and energy to do the work right now - not that I drew the 'wrong' cards. It's tough work, and it takes focus and sometimes it's just not the right time for that, but when it is, I find it extremely valuable work. Self-awareness (good and bad) is high on my personal list of ideals.

 

[konayuki]

I don't rely on my self-readings anymore, unless it's a one-card "How's today gonna go?" spread. If it's a pretty complex spread other than the basic [past present future advice hidden influence etc] sort of deal. I just can't be objective when it comes to myself and almost always say things like "What?? Are you kidding me?? No..." outloud when reading for myself. I feel like perhaps meditation could help with this, but I rather read for others using those large spreads than read for myself.

 

[Silaria]

I can't read for myself; not because I don't trust the cards but because I don't trust myself to remain neutral.

I bolded the word "neutral" above because, at the time of that post, I couldn't come up with the word I really wanted there. "Neutral" was the only thing my mind would latch onto for some reason.

The word I REALLY wanted to use there is objective so I could see what I needed to see not what I wanted to see.

 

[le fey]

Wouldn't the same remedy for any other weakness in Tarot reading apply here as well though... if you want to gain objectivity when exploring your own issues via Tarot, the only way to get there is to practice, no?

 

[Gavriela]

One of the things almost all readers are guilty of when we read for ourselves: We don't give it the time we'd give to a querent. Instead, we use shorthand - 'oh, I know what this means, and that, and...' and the cards don't make any sense when you try to pull them together. You rush. You don't really look at the reading.

Something I've found helpful: I don't read tarot for myself often, but when I do, I pretend I'm doing an e-mail reading for somebody else. So after I pull the cards, I scan them, then I stick them into a word-processing document and write out the explanations of the cards and the meanings - as if I were doing it for somebody who's entirely unfamiliar with tarot.

It's amazing how that's helped so many readings fall into place. Now, if you don't like to write, it may not work for you, but at least give yourself the same amount of time and professionalism that you'd give to a client.

 

[geministar]

Wouldn't the same remedy for any other weakness in Tarot reading apply here as well though... if you want to gain objectivity when exploring your own issues via Tarot, the only way to get there is to practice, no?

Yeah, I think practice is the key.

I love reading for myself for my own personal growth. Im not very good at it but I just try and pretend that Im not really reading for myself, that its for someone else and I'll focus on what is standing out in the cards to me. After Ive done the reading I'll then try and relate it to my day or the situation. Its good practice anyway whether the reading was right or not.