Trying to get an idea of the dynamic btw us

[lighthousekeeper]

Further to my last post, at the advice of Saskia I probed a little deeper into what's going on between me and this guy, whether he'll come back and why it can't work if we like each other

10 cards, RW, no rx

Why is he not willing to commit? King of swords: He has cut himself off from his emotions, he wants to be autonomous. Also he wants to be the one who decides who/when, not the other way around..

What is his priority in life? Ace of swords: To be free of attachments, to be clever about things, to apply intellectual reasoning to situations, to be free

What does he want from a partner? 7 pentacles: He's still figuring that out

Does he want a steady partner? 8 swords: No, he sees that as very restricting, or he wants someone else he can't have

How do I appear to him as a prospective partner? 9 swords: He either thinks I would stress him out or he's stressed and feeling guilty that he's thrown me away

How does he feel towards me? 10 cups: He likes me a lot, he feels like we match. It could also be 'good while it lasted' but 10 as completion

What is the long term potential of our connection? Ace pentacles: There will be a chance to start over again and begin something

What do I need to know? 3 swords: There is someone else that he's occupied with, or he has been hurt by someone, with the Star beside the 3

Near future between us? Star: Daydreams, if he comes back it's a long way away

Long term connection between us? 2 wands: Making a new choice, looking down a new path, being with someone else.. or, reconciling, the journey towards partnership, and working through issues

Because the general question is about what is inhibiting him from being more easy around connecting, I see all the swords as him associating love with pain. Most of the second half of the spread are optimistic.. but the only wands/action is in the long term future, and the pentacles are in the future. So it may come back around, but if anything happens between us it's later

Also interesting to see 7-8-9-10-Ace in a row..

The quint is Chariot, predictor of victory, and 7 is an indicator of both the thing we most want and the unexpected delivery. That's also echoed with the 7 in the only major in the spread, Star, and the 7 of pentacles bringing the earth/physical potential to the 7s. But then again I always get way too optimistic looking for what I want to see so anyone please check me here..

 

[lighthousekeeper]

There's some really adverse factor with the three of swords, it could be related to the unreachable woman in the next card, Star. But it's somehow not so bad with the Ace of pents and Star on either side, as if it's a temporary period of heartache. It's like, something started (Ace) turned bad and the separation is painful (3oS) but the Star gives hope.

 

[headincloud]

Why is he not willing to commit? King of swords: His mindset is king swords, head ruled heart.

What is his priority in life? Ace of swords: Right now a fresh plan.

What does he want from a partner? 7 pentacles: He's reviewing his position, don't think he wants one.

Does he want a steady partner? 8 swords: Definitely not, far to restrictive

How do I appear to him as a prospective partner? 9 swords: A nightmare but that's not personal it goes for all relationships. Looks like he's been feeling trapped for a while.

How does he feel towards me? 10 cups: A happy relationship situation which terrifies him in the 9S almost to the point of panic with the 8S in the mix.

What is the long term potential of our connection? Ace pentacles: Don't think there is one but that's not reading the card I think the questions off.

What do I need to know? 3 swords: A split, separation

Near future between us? Star: Healing over the anxiety and sadness of 3S

Long term connection between us? 2 wands: This card looks to be the problem and in relationships is not good, typically the relationship starts of well but one partner gets claustrophobic and withdraws getting itchy feet, the grass is always greener. This is likely to be his pattern, he wants in, panics and then wants out.

It's not that his feelings for you are not positive, it's his lack of ability to sustain a committed relationship.

 

[lighthousekeeper]

Why is he not willing to commit? King of swords: His mindset is king swords, head ruled heart.

What is his priority in life? Ace of swords: Right now a fresh plan.

What does he want from a partner? 7 pentacles: He's reviewing his position, don't think he wants one.

Does he want a steady partner? 8 swords: Definitely not, far to restrictive

How do I appear to him as a prospective partner? 9 swords: A nightmare but that's not personal it goes for all relationships. Looks like he's been feeling trapped for a while.

How does he feel towards me? 10 cups: A happy relationship situation which terrifies him in the 9S almost to the point of panic with the 8S in the mix.

Hmm ok this all makes sense I guess and especially the 10 of cups, I was looking for a negative way to see the card and I guess this is it. The only thing is... it IS 10 of cups, where in my previous post it was Knight of Cups and Lovers, so it must be a little bit positive

What is the long term potential of our connection? Ace pentacles: Don't think there is one but that's not reading the card I think the questions off.

What do I need to know? 3 swords: A split, separation

I know that there is a separation between us as this is what the whole spread is around, the question implies something 'else' I need to take into consideration. Unless I look at it like, this is a REAL SPLIT UP that is never going to be put back together kind of thing.

Near future between us? Star: Healing over the anxiety and sadness of 3S

Good point

Long term connection between us? 2 wands: This card looks to be the problem and in relationships is not good, typically the relationship starts of well but one partner gets claustrophobic and withdraws getting itchy feet, the grass is always greener. This is likely to be his pattern, he wants in, panics and then wants out.

It's not that his feelings for you are not positive, it's his lack of ability to sustain a committed relationship.

Thanks for your more sober interpretations. I really wanted someone to pop that balloon of optimism (not joking lol) It's hard to read for myself

 

[Saskia]

whether he'll come back and why it can't work
Why is he not willing to commit? King of swords
What is his priority in life? Ace of swords

What does he want from a partner? 7 pentacles
Does he want a steady partner? 8 swords

How do I appear to him as a prospective partner? 9 swords
How does he feel towards me? 10 cups
What is the long term potential of our connection? Ace pentacles

What do I need to know? 3 swords
Near future between us? Star
Long term connection between us? 2 wands
The quint is Chariot

King of Swords, Ace of Swords: he is not treating this as an emotional matter but as a business deal/rational logic matter. He does not prioritise emotional connection and for him, his life is rationally better if he's not in a relationship. His priority is to be smart and clear about things, logic above all else.

7 Pents, 8 Swords. His ideal partner is super patient, or, he's still figuring out what he even wants from a partner. It's work in progress for him, not fully matured idea/plan yet. (7P). I don't think he wants a partner due to feeling trapped (8S), or, his view about steady partner is not the same as yours (this 8 S may also mean you can't see this clearly due to your own anxieties). He could for example settle for fwb.

You appear as a source of anxiety and worries (9S), or, as someone who would be feeling those feelings and hence, causing guilt and anxiety to him. He does feel you're a good person, good match, offer happiness and enjoyment (10C).

Ace of Pents - I used to get this for a crush of mine years back but it never went anywhere beyond flirting. I think it meant there was potential, but he did not choose to pursue it so it didn't grow from the seed (Ace) it was. So, to me this card says there's potential, but it requires a mutual decision to cultivate it.

You already know there's hurt (3S), but it could also be a mix of previous hurt ("other woman", an ex, being one source of it).

I concur that the Star means healing, time to move on, find hope (elsewhere?), find a new reason to be inspired.

2W to me tells you'll feel passionate about each other, but this is also a card of conflicting wills. It's a love-hate-relationship almost, you feel drawn to each other but your wants and needs clash. That feeling may go on for years.

I'm one of the few people who don't read chariot as victory. To me it usually tells one party is hell-bent to change the current course, but a better move would be either to walk away from the situation, or try being more strategic. Wanting, willing, needing him to be with you won't change his view (he's the sphinx pushing to the other direction).

Can you change your own thinking to cope with this situation better? Settle for what he wants? Decide to honour yourself and find a person who wants what you want?

 

[lighthousekeeper]

King of Swords, Ace of Swords: he is not treating this as an emotional matter but as a business deal/rational logic matter. He does not prioritise emotional connection and for him, his life is rationally better if he's not in a relationship. His priority is to be smart and clear about things, logic above all else.

7 Pents, 8 Swords. His ideal partner is super patient, or, he's still figuring out what he even wants from a partner. It's work in progress for him, not fully matured idea/plan yet. (7P). I don't think he wants a partner due to feeling trapped (8S), or, his view about steady partner is not the same as yours (this 8 S may also mean you can't see this clearly due to your own anxieties). He could for example settle for fwb.

You appear as a source of anxiety and worries (9S), or, as someone who would be feeling those feelings and hence, causing guilt and anxiety to him. He does feel you're a good person, good match, offer happiness and enjoyment (10C).

Ace of Pents - I used to get this for a crush of mine years back but it never went anywhere beyond flirting. I think it meant there was potential, but he did not choose to pursue it so it didn't grow from the seed (Ace) it was. So, to me this card says there's potential, but it requires a mutual decision to cultivate it.

You already know there's hurt (3S), but it could also be a mix of previous hurt ("other woman", an ex, being one source of it).

I concur that the Star means healing, time to move on, find hope (elsewhere?), find a new reason to be inspired.

2W to me tells you'll feel passionate about each other, but this is also a card of conflicting wills. It's a love-hate-relationship almost, you feel drawn to each other but your wants and needs clash. That feeling may go on for years.

I'm one of the few people who don't read chariot as victory. To me it usually tells one party is hell-bent to change the current course, but a better move would be either to walk away from the situation, or try being more strategic. Wanting, willing, needing him to be with you won't change his view (he's the sphinx pushing to the other direction).

Can you change your own thinking to cope with this situation better? Settle for what he wants? Decide to honour yourself and find a person who wants what you want?

Thanks Saskia. Great interpretations and I think I agree with everything you've said. And yes it has been almost love hate at times, because it could be so high and then he would just devastate me by lying or something and I would walk away from it. Only for him to resurrect things, this happened a few times

I think the main point is whether I can change my thinking and accept it.. I think I can. I try to move on and block him from my mind but time goes by and I just can't forget him. I have to though.

Thanks