The Lazarus Club

[prudence]

Oh my goodness, I've written this twice and have lost both attempts. Maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe I will go for the double abridged version for my third attempt.

In 2004 I wound up in my local ER with agonizing abdominal pains and intractable vomiting, as well as some other weird symptoms ( delusional, photo sensitivity, just a mess all around). After many hours of being there and all of the tests coming back inconclusive or negative for all of the obvious illnesses (appendix, gall bladder, unknown pregnancy) they finally just gave me some IV Demerol to shut me the hell up, while they continued their probing and prodding.

I recall a few times, having a nurse standing watch over my chest area, to make sure I was still breathing. She would grab my shoulders and say you need to breathe or honey you have to keep breathing ... This happened several times, though my memory is very sketchy. The last time she urged me to breathe, I again complied with her command and closed my eyes. I then proceeded to roll off the gurney, and into a river of blackness. It was a warm place, it felt better than anywhere I'd ever been. I felt a pluck before I turned to my right, off of that gurney, similar to when you fall asleep, but different. In that moment I thought, "oh I remember this, we all know how to do this but we've forgotten" I even thought for a moment about my kids and if I should just stay, then I realized they'll be okay, so I went. I had this exhilarating feeling of "I no longer need to breathe". Mind you, my physical body did not roll off of that gurney, whatever I "am" or who I am rolled off of that gurney. My soul, my spirit, I really can't say.

The rest is a super foggy memory, just bits and pieces, and I finally truly awoke in the ICU, with all kinds of wires attached to me. For quite a few weeks or months after all of this, I had this horrible depressed feeling of being trapped in this physical body, this cage or box that I was weighed down by. Those moments of being free of my physical body in the way that almost dying provides, just made being stuck in the physical world feel so heavy, so cumbersome.

I also felt so weird around other people for a long period of time. Id be at play groups for my youngest or at school with my oldest, and I'd just feel like a pretender, interacting with all of the other moms, dads and teachers. I was pretending to be like them, pretending to be occupied by the same mundane things that they were. Not that I felt enlightened in any way, I just felt that the things many of them were talking about, upset by, or mainly occupied by were not in any way important or real. The refrain constantly going through my head at the time was "how can they not see that none of this matters?? None of this matters." It was a weird and difficult time for me.

My dreams during this time were another story completely. I'll submit this post, hopefully it goes through this time. Maybe later I'll try to share some of the dreams and other odd openings that I have had due to this close call.

 

[Mycroft]

You do know that etymologically, 'squirrel' is distantly (through Greek and Old Norse if I remember right) related to 'arse'?

Now you've mentioned it I do vaguely recall hearing this once before, Oh God, probably find myself in front of a disciplinary committee now charged with "Choosing a user name that has lewd and salacious connotations."

. I start to doze off and I immediately enter into a lucid state. I ask the Universe (ok, I don't *really* know who I'm asking), "I want to know what happens to us when we die." ... When I was robbed at gunpoint 3 years ago and as he was demanding money from me, I remember feeling and being completely in the moment...As I was reaching into my purse, I could see from the corner of my eyes, what looked like...wings. Huge wings. I don't know, I don't know. But, to me, there was a wing on either side of me. And it felt like there was a head over mine, looking down. I felt 'enveloped.'...

Fascinating dreams Flames, have you read Lucid Dreaming (Gateway to The Inner Self) by Robert Waggoner? For me, it's one of the best books written on Lucid Dreaming (but it is NOT a how-to manual, rather an examination of many aspects of the phenomenon.)

Do you think your dreams are in anyway linked, as in a form of preparation what is to come? I've heard a few times from people who've had dreams that could be construed as rehearsals for future events. The wings are also intriguing! Are you thinking Guardian Angel, Totem Animal, Elemental Spirit or something entirely different here?

Oh yes. I am very familiar with Soul Recovery.

I've never tried it myself but it does sound very intriguing, maybe there are some others who've tried it who could share their experiences as well.

As a psychic medium, I've helped more then a few spirits to turn to the light.

Oooooooh you'll just have to tell us a bit more about some of those!

I also don't think "Squirrel Kisser" fits you, Mycroft.

Oh well, it's the end for Squirrel Kisser, I feel quite sad, so I've written a poem to mark his demise;

Farewell then Squirrel Kisser,
You were really rubbish,
We won't be seeing you again,
Bye.

 

[Flames]

Fascinating dreams Flames, have you read Lucid Dreaming (Gateway to The Inner Self) by Robert Waggoner? For me, it's one of the best books written on Lucid Dreaming (but it is NOT a how-to manual, rather an examination of many aspects of the phenomenon.)

Do you think your dreams are in anyway linked, as in a form of preparation what is to come? I've heard a few times from people who've had dreams that could be construed as rehearsals for future events. The wings are also intriguing! Are you thinking Guardian Angel, Totem Animal, Elemental Spirit or something entirely different here?

I'm always changing my mind about things. I don't really know what I believe anymore and I refrain from making any kind of belief statements these days, only because...I really don't know and I'd rather say I don't know than pretend I understand something in order to gloss over certain fears I may have about what actually happens when we pass over. I've heard of the book, yes! Someone I used to know also recommended it and before I read your response, I had a feeling you might mention it! Thanks. I think it's a good time to read it. Oh, I hadn't heard of these dreams being construed as rehearsals but I can see how that makes absolute sense. Oh, and about the wings...At first, I thought Guardian Angel...but then....I don't know hahahaha...I also thought it could be me - my Higher Self (as Crowley describes it) - what I aspire to be, which is the best I can possibly be...like catching up to oneself. But, I don't know. LOL Thanks again for sharing, Mycroft.

 

[Calcifer]

I'd like to make a short and boring post here...
I was still-born, and rescued at the last minute. The only thing I have gleaned from this, and it has shaped my life in almost every way since, is that while I do not recall ANY details whatsoever, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was somewhere else before I was here.... and I wasn't very happy about being here.... In fact, the only pervading thing I can recall was thinking that something had gone very, very wrong.

Michael

 

[celticnoodle]

Oooooooh you'll just have to tell us a bit more about some of those!

I believe I have shared some of my experiences here on A.T. over the years already. Everyone of them are very special, to me of course-some more memorable then others for various reasons. But, I am not sure this is the thread for all that. I don't want to hijack this thread, but maybe there will be a good time to share snippets here sometime.

Oh well, it's the end for Squirrel Kisser, I feel quite sad, so I've written a poem to mark his demise;

Farewell then Squirrel Kisser,
You were really rubbish,
We won't be seeing you again,
Bye.

GOOD! *whew*



I have read through everyone's posts here, though I haven't yet commented. They are interesting, but also sad and I just don't have the words. I'm sorry so many have had such experiences that are so incredibly sad and yet also happy - as they 'came' back to the earthly plane. I am finding this thread however, extremely interesting and spellbinding! Perhaps because of my experiences with the spirit world (and total fascination too). Looking forward to reading more too. Great thread, Mycroft!

 

[Mycroft]

Oh my goodness, I've written this twice and have lost both attempts. Maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe I will go for the double abridged version for my third attempt.

This is interesting for starters Prudence, someone else reported exactly the same thing happening to them when they were writing their post! Is our resolve being tested or are the Dark Gods trying to move against Mycroft and his Shining Crusaders as they march towards the Light?

...into a river of blackness. It was a warm place, it felt better than anywhere I'd ever been.

This seems to be something of a commonality, the feeling that this is the best and most peaceful place you've ever been in.

I even thought for a moment about my kids and if I should just stay, then I realized they'll be okay

This was also reported to me by another lady in a different place, and she said that afterwards she was very surprised at how nonchalant she'd been about accepting the notion of leaving her children behind.

I had this horrible depressed feeling of being trapped in this physical body, this cage or box that I was weighed down by. Those moments of being free of my physical body in the way that almost dying provides, just made being stuck in the physical world feel so heavy, so cumbersome.

Have you seen Source Code starring Jake Gyllenhaal? I feel that the film in part conveys the idea of the soul's travels when freed from the cage of the physical world.

I'd just feel like a pretender, interacting with all of the other moms, dads and teachers. I was pretending to be like them, pretending to be occupied by the same mundane things that they were.

I've felt like this all my life, but it's become more intense since my experience. Is this what mystics refer to when they talk about "Being in the world, but not of It"? Is this another common feature shared by others who've had these experiences?

My dreams during this time were another story completely. I'll submit this post, hopefully it goes through this time. Maybe later I'll try to share some of the dreams and other odd openings that I have had due to this close call.

Duly noted, time-stampted and printed in triplicate to be held up as evidence in the future! "M'lud, the lady promised to post more of her dreams and we have the AT post to prove it."

 

[Mycroft]

I'd like to make a short and boring post here...
I was still-born, and rescued at the last minute. The only thing I have gleaned from this, and it has shaped my life in almost every way since, is that while I do not recall ANY details whatsoever, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was somewhere else before I was here.... and I wasn't very happy about being here....

Au Contraire Michael, I find this highly fascinating. I've had some dreams recently which seem to take place in a parallel dimension that's about 20 years behind this one, and my life has gone down a different path. I've also had a dream where I'm a woman a couple of centuries in the future, but what strongly resonates with me are a couple of blank dreams I had a few years back. These dreams seemed to contain no sensory information at all, no images or sounds etc, yet I remember waking up from them and feeling that I just knew I'd experienced something profound.

In fact, the only pervading thing I can recall was thinking that something had gone very, very wrong.

This is something that greatly interests me, are any of these experiences an indication that something can actually go wrong in the great celestial plan?

 

[Calcifer]

I really don't know what to say here.... All of my life I have had two recurring dreams that may, or may not be intimately related... In both, while I am very similar to being human, I am in fact, not. One dream has me living in a very aquatic environment where I spend the bulk of my time in/under the water - though forays onto dry land are common; and the other is what I call my "running dream", where I am some kind of a creature that can grasp and hold the ground firmly to propel me a great speeds as I chase after the Sun (like a dog chasing a car - only I, with long, strong "fingers" sink my hands into the dirt to pull myself forward) - I'm not clear on just why, but there's a solid reason in my mind for trying to catch the Sun, it doesn't doesn't add up - in the here and now.. I know. Doesn't make much sense, but if I had to guess, I think I may have expected to be in one of those two places now. I would LOVE to understand it all.
Michael

 

[SunsetKay]

1. I died during delivery, so I was born dead. Doctors were able to bring me back, but I died again and was brought back again. I spent the first three months of my life in the hospital.

2. When I was 13, I think I drowned. I was staying with relatives down south and I went out swimming with friends. On a dare I swam out further than I should have. I had never been in deep water with a current before. I panicked, and well, it's the worst thing I could have done. Drowning is strange. At first you fight it, and it hurts. But it only hurts for as long as you're fighting, and then well, it's the most beautiful feeling - soft and dreamy and peaceful; like going to sleep on a cloud. Since it feels like going to sleep, this next part could have been a dream, but I swear I saw my mama sitting on the couch back home. She looked dead at me and called for my dead great grandmother. The next thing I knew, I was on dry land, vomiting up water on my own steam. The kids that I was with said that the current brought me back to the shore. They swore up and down that I was dead. They were pretty afraid of me after that. Lol.

Sometimes, I can't help but think that I'm not supposed to be here. But then other times, I think that there must be a reason that I still am. Who knows? But I have a theory that people that have kissed death and come back establish a sort of connection to life that is other. I'd have to think more to explain what I mean. My brain is too tired today. I think I have the flu.

 

[SunsetKay]

Ive had a few out there experiences. Im not sure if anyone would call them 'near death experiences' but to me they do count.

I felt life dying 3 times inside of me. I had 3 pregnancies and all 3 failed to come to term. I think a few days leading up to and in that very specific moment I was very calm. In one instance i passed out and all i remember is being void and black. When i woke up, the kind nurse later informed me i was very emotional when i woke up after passing out and they had to sedate me. Those experiences changed how I see life and did open me up more spiritually, more so to find out where the spirit goes after its been violently rejected by its host, and how lucky i was to be born. The lessons of life and death and how precious it is were inverted and reflected back to me in the most unexpected and unconventional way I would say.

.

As someone who has gone through this as well, I am so very sorry that you experienced this.