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Kahlie  Kahlie is offline
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Join Date: 29 Apr 2004
Location: Holland
Posts: 4,256
Kahlie 

Well,

Definatedly my lessons in negativity are continuing on...

I had a nightmare last night, featuring me in a pool. I saw through the glass door one of my ex's and another one too. I ran away, and decided to get dressed to get the hell out of there. A friend was with me in the dressing cabinet, trying to hold the outer door, so I could close the inner. (This friend, is from High School and I haven't seen her in a long long time). My ex was pursuing me and calling out my name.
He did indeed enter the outer doors, and since we were making that much racket, people were asking us to leave, also because there were not enough dressing cabinets.
Despite me trying to explain that I only wanted to dress, we were thrown out. I remember two flashes of wishing to call upon my other ex, but deciding against it, and thinking of renting a room and holing up in there. Also deciding against it, because he could wait till I had to get out...

I woke up and was very disturbed. The dream was filled with negativity and fear. This person has done very wrong things to me, and it was hard to face up to that. Even in the dream world, it's hard to deal with this person. I was distressed that I didn't take a more active stance. Although pleased I didn't call upon an equally bad person (my other ex).
I also wondered about the dream. I had requested a dream for the healing of my inner ear problems.

When going back to sleep, the dream continued from another angle. This time he was in my house and was cornering me. I refused to give up, and was indeed fighting him. I called my dad to call the police for me, or go by. He was annoyed that I didn't say so before. As if I waited till the last minute and it would have been easier for him to call the police before.
I was actually using a spoon to scrape at my ex neck. (Yup, exactly there were the thyriod is...)

I feel I am starting to learn strong lessons on how to deal with negativity, ability to defend myself, without calling upon others. I also felt that this was my oppertunity at least in a dream, to fight back, physically, to the person who sexually assaulted me.

I'm going to think more about this & any thoughts are very welcome,

Kahlie
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